Aa
Rough day
Hey everyone! Sorry I wasnt around today. It was a really bad day.
Still feelin a little weak, and have a headache, plus had to go be with my good friend, as we buried his sister. She was just like a sister to me also.
It was really a shame, and a real tough thing to do today. I guess it would have been tough anyday, but when your still recovering from what we are recovering from, well you know.
It was soooo sad talking with her kids, especially the oldest son. He has about 4 days left, and back to Iraq with him. He is an Army 1st airborn sgt. I am soo proud of how he took it,and also soo proud of him. He had to watch his mom slowly kill herself as he put it. You could really hear the pain in his voice.
I guess her liver was totally shot from the methadone, and alcohol. Her son told me her drink of choice was whiskey, I thought it was vodka. My brother quit drinking today because he used to be just like her, and it scared him bad, as he also has hep c.
Well anyways I am gonna turn it in for the night.
Everyone be safe, and keep up the good thinkin!
Allen
Still feelin a little weak, and have a headache, plus had to go be with my good friend, as we buried his sister. She was just like a sister to me also.
It was really a shame, and a real tough thing to do today. I guess it would have been tough anyday, but when your still recovering from what we are recovering from, well you know.
It was soooo sad talking with her kids, especially the oldest son. He has about 4 days left, and back to Iraq with him. He is an Army 1st airborn sgt. I am soo proud of how he took it,and also soo proud of him. He had to watch his mom slowly kill herself as he put it. You could really hear the pain in his voice.
I guess her liver was totally shot from the methadone, and alcohol. Her son told me her drink of choice was whiskey, I thought it was vodka. My brother quit drinking today because he used to be just like her, and it scared him bad, as he also has hep c.
Well anyways I am gonna turn it in for the night.
Everyone be safe, and keep up the good thinkin!
Allen
Ohh hun I am soo soo sorry to hear of this news. It must have been just awful for you today.
I send you my sincere condolences as well. You are a very strong person Allen, and quite an inspiration to everyone of us here.
I want you to know that.
May peace be with you right now and always my friend.
Thinking of you..
Tracy
I send you my sincere condolences as well. You are a very strong person Allen, and quite an inspiration to everyone of us here.
I want you to know that.
May peace be with you right now and always my friend.
Thinking of you..
Tracy
Just a quick question for you. If you don't want to give this out, I understand. I was just wondering if you would mind giving me your e-mail. I have many others as well from here, but not yours.
Like I said no worries if you do not want to share it. I totally understand. Just thought I would check.
:)
Tracy
Like I said no worries if you do not want to share it. I totally understand. Just thought I would check.
:)
Tracy
*hugs*
Its amazing what experiences we may have in and around our lives......My thoughts are with you in your journey....Take care of you!!
Its amazing what experiences we may have in and around our lives......My thoughts are with you in your journey....Take care of you!!
Hi there....
Sorry to hear you had to experience a day like yesterday. Sad, sad, sad. Even though I see it didn't lessen your resolve any.
Your positive attitude, given your whole situation totally amazes me. Can you send me some "attitude please"
I won't be around for a few days, we are going to Vail, Co ... *rolling eyes* just what I wanted to do. Fiance ski's .... I shop... LOL... I freaking hate this cold weather.. today it's 16 deg here... Oh yippie... now I have to spend 5 hours on a plane tomorrow... going to someplace there is snow... oh double yippee....the trade off is.... I get to go to Cancun in February... so it was a pre-planned deal.
Talk soon
Gip
Sorry to hear you had to experience a day like yesterday. Sad, sad, sad. Even though I see it didn't lessen your resolve any.
Your positive attitude, given your whole situation totally amazes me. Can you send me some "attitude please"
I won't be around for a few days, we are going to Vail, Co ... *rolling eyes* just what I wanted to do. Fiance ski's .... I shop... LOL... I freaking hate this cold weather.. today it's 16 deg here... Oh yippie... now I have to spend 5 hours on a plane tomorrow... going to someplace there is snow... oh double yippee....the trade off is.... I get to go to Cancun in February... so it was a pre-planned deal.
Talk soon
Gip
Allen, death is so hard under any circumstances no less when it's someone young, with children and especially when the death could have been avoided. This disease (addictionin any form) is so powerful.
If anything good can possibly come out of this, maybe your story helped a few people to recognize their own illness. It certainly did with her brother, your friend.
I will lift you all up.
I know it's not much of a consolation but she is at peace now, physically, mentally and spritually and you will see her agin just not yet.
Prayers,
Tara
If anything good can possibly come out of this, maybe your story helped a few people to recognize their own illness. It certainly did with her brother, your friend.
I will lift you all up.
I know it's not much of a consolation but she is at peace now, physically, mentally and spritually and you will see her agin just not yet.
Prayers,
Tara
It's not often we hear you sad. You had a long day. Take care of yourself and I'll keep you and her family in my thoughts today.
Allen,
Early in my sobriety from alcohol (and everything else but that came and went and it was the alcohol that got its stranglehold and this was long before I even thought about rx pills--just some 'info' for context) my dear friend, Amil died. He had been hit by a metro bus and the city was found at fault. Thus, as they had no where appropriate to send him (like rehab or soemthing for healing) they put him in the city's 'psychiatric system'. He had brain injury but ONLY is so far as 'prcessing SPEED' and, thus, he remained 100% aware of the misery and limuitatons cast upon him. He never once complained in ten years. he used to get in trouble for trying to walk (from his wheelchair) as the staff didn't want to be bothered if he fell. He finally died of a brain anurism that probably never would have happened had he been put in the correct place, if there had been a place for him.
I knew that, were I still drinking (even long before 'it got bad' -- even a little bit), I would have had a couple drinks beforehand. I would not have been drunk, I would have gone and done as much as I did, etc. BUT I also knew that, had I done so, I would NOT have been completely 'there' for him--even if/though not drunk or 'out of it' in anyway.I would have had those drinks to put a little something between me and the grief. And I knew that, years later, all I would be able to remember was that I hadn't been able to be completely 'present' to honor him, even if only I KNEW (which would have been the case).
You showed up--not just phsysically but MENTALLY nad EMOTIONALLY. This is not ONLY a testament to your obvious commitment to seek sobriety but ALSO:
... the person YOU REALLY ARE and can look forward to get reacquainted with more and more and more.
I don't know your story and am not guessing or anything but it sounds to me that you gained a 'glimpse' into the future of YOUR SELF and who you were and will be again (still ARE I;m sure but hard to see with drugs cloaked ariund us!).
Early in my sobriety from alcohol (and everything else but that came and went and it was the alcohol that got its stranglehold and this was long before I even thought about rx pills--just some 'info' for context) my dear friend, Amil died. He had been hit by a metro bus and the city was found at fault. Thus, as they had no where appropriate to send him (like rehab or soemthing for healing) they put him in the city's 'psychiatric system'. He had brain injury but ONLY is so far as 'prcessing SPEED' and, thus, he remained 100% aware of the misery and limuitatons cast upon him. He never once complained in ten years. he used to get in trouble for trying to walk (from his wheelchair) as the staff didn't want to be bothered if he fell. He finally died of a brain anurism that probably never would have happened had he been put in the correct place, if there had been a place for him.
I knew that, were I still drinking (even long before 'it got bad' -- even a little bit), I would have had a couple drinks beforehand. I would not have been drunk, I would have gone and done as much as I did, etc. BUT I also knew that, had I done so, I would NOT have been completely 'there' for him--even if/though not drunk or 'out of it' in anyway.I would have had those drinks to put a little something between me and the grief. And I knew that, years later, all I would be able to remember was that I hadn't been able to be completely 'present' to honor him, even if only I KNEW (which would have been the case).
You showed up--not just phsysically but MENTALLY nad EMOTIONALLY. This is not ONLY a testament to your obvious commitment to seek sobriety but ALSO:
... the person YOU REALLY ARE and can look forward to get reacquainted with more and more and more.
I don't know your story and am not guessing or anything but it sounds to me that you gained a 'glimpse' into the future of YOUR SELF and who you were and will be again (still ARE I;m sure but hard to see with drugs cloaked ariund us!).
Yes, Death is very hard, but unluckly im very acustomed to it. Next month I turn 48, the same age my father died. That was 21 years ago. My mom married again, and 11 years later, buried another dad. I lost my moms parents, and her sister, and even my first dad's parents. A brother in law to overdose, and several good friends also to drug issue deaths. Even watched as 100 people were mowed down in machine gun fire, on the beach of Africa.
In some ways I think they are better off then us.
The burial of a good friend yesterday was a senseless death. She had everything going for her, 3 children, and a large family. But the drugs and alcohol ruined her. She wasnt even 40 yrs old yet.
As you have all read, I have done many things. I have zero regrets in this life, as I have sampled as much as I can. It is a good feeling to look back and say, ive lived a full life at 47! Plus to look forward, and think of the many happy times to come, and also the sad inevitable days also, but this makes for the human experience.
If I had one thing to share from all these experiences, it would be to tell everyone. Do not settle for the mundane existance, push the envelope! Go where ever your heart carries you. Have no regrets. We only get one pass through this short experience, make it full as you can, chase those dreams! I believe that is why we are here.
One day a Miss America winner I was body guarding, many years ago asked me as we rode around in her limo. What are your dreams? You must go after them, cause if you dont, you will not know if you could have ever been what you have dreamed. Dont die with that question in your heart. That made sooo much sense to me, as I thought I couldnt really be what my heart desired.
It changed my life. I went for it, and never looked back! I succeeded in surpassing everything I could imagine. Fear never ruled me again from that day with the Miss America. I will never forget her, as she helped me to have the fullest life imaginable. No regrets!
I will beat this RSD! I have beatin the pain med merry-go-round! I still have dreams I havent realized yet! Life to chase after! Watch me go!! Follow my lead!
Allen
In some ways I think they are better off then us.
The burial of a good friend yesterday was a senseless death. She had everything going for her, 3 children, and a large family. But the drugs and alcohol ruined her. She wasnt even 40 yrs old yet.
As you have all read, I have done many things. I have zero regrets in this life, as I have sampled as much as I can. It is a good feeling to look back and say, ive lived a full life at 47! Plus to look forward, and think of the many happy times to come, and also the sad inevitable days also, but this makes for the human experience.
If I had one thing to share from all these experiences, it would be to tell everyone. Do not settle for the mundane existance, push the envelope! Go where ever your heart carries you. Have no regrets. We only get one pass through this short experience, make it full as you can, chase those dreams! I believe that is why we are here.
One day a Miss America winner I was body guarding, many years ago asked me as we rode around in her limo. What are your dreams? You must go after them, cause if you dont, you will not know if you could have ever been what you have dreamed. Dont die with that question in your heart. That made sooo much sense to me, as I thought I couldnt really be what my heart desired.
It changed my life. I went for it, and never looked back! I succeeded in surpassing everything I could imagine. Fear never ruled me again from that day with the Miss America. I will never forget her, as she helped me to have the fullest life imaginable. No regrets!
I will beat this RSD! I have beatin the pain med merry-go-round! I still have dreams I havent realized yet! Life to chase after! Watch me go!! Follow my lead!
Allen
AMEN, friend, and I'm walking right behind you (following your lead) maybe sometime soon I can keep in stride with you. :) Jessica
I feel ya...
I haven't been around much lately either.
My daughter lost a friend on weds. Car accident/suicide (pills!). So sad only 17, getting ready to graduate, whole life ahead of her. I've just been siiting and talking to her mostly. I wish we could cushion our children from such things, you know?
Lisa
I haven't been around much lately either.
My daughter lost a friend on weds. Car accident/suicide (pills!). So sad only 17, getting ready to graduate, whole life ahead of her. I've just been siiting and talking to her mostly. I wish we could cushion our children from such things, you know?
Lisa
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