Running out of options

[OverrrIt]

Hey everyone!!! I have been reading this site for so long and never posted. I'm 30 years old and I guess for the past 10 years I have been ur classic "garbage" addict!! The past 2 years I have been addicted to painkillers. My DOC is the 30mg Roxy's. At the height of everything I took like 15 a day. My life spiraled way out of control and it
was a nightmare. I have 2 young girls and I needed these pills to get out of bed!! I thought it made me a better wife and mother, but I know that was my addiction talking. I spent a lot of money my husband didn't know about and our 11 years together happy seemed to be slipping away cause of all the lies.
The day after Christmas I checked myself into rehab. I did my detox along with 30 days. I came home and just didn't know what to do with myself. I started relapsing here and there cause I couldn't take the no energy feeling and my addiction was right there telling me what would help. For a few weeks I started slipping back into old habits like sneaking money. My husband knew all the signs to look for and came down on me. I knew I needed to stop. I was starting to WD again from not using. I had some Tramadol (just a few from awhile back) and decided to wean myself off. I did that for a week and had a mess up and took 3 Roxy's.
I really want to be clean!!! I want this!!! I want a normal life!!! I'm feeling ok today...to be honest I haven't really had to bad of WD's, just messed up and took 3. Is there hope for me??? Are the WD's gonna sneak up on me in a few days??? I just want to be the wife and mother my family deserves!!

[0421]

Hi and welcome to the forum, I don't know what I would do without it. I read and read post and then I know I am not so bad off and I am not alone. I am one of the people the relaspes, but I am now 4 days clean again. I just wanted to tell you the wds are worth it and you will make it. good luck and prayers to you

[OverrrIt]

I know if I give in I just let the addiction win. I have been so weak for so long that it seems so hard to be strong. I look at non addicts and I'm so jealous of their lives, how they have the ability to feel excitement over things. I haven't felt that in so long other than when my body knows it's gonna get a fix and that's just sickening!! I want to feel life again and not be a prisoner everyday!!! I just lead such a boring solitary life using that now I feel bored and there's nothing to do. I'm trying to keep busy as much as possible for myself. I gotta keep plugging through!!! Today is day #1 clean...however like I posted it's not really day #1 of WD. I know the physical will be mild, it's the mental that gets to me...to all of us.

[sudie58]

no its not easy, but you will forever be trapped if you give in now, you can fight to be free of it. for you and your family, stay strong, we are here for you.

[OverrrIt]

Thank you for responding!! I started walking and that does feel great. I do go to meetings as much as I can. I just can't stand the rollercoaster ride. One day I feel great, then I feel like crap. I'm a stay at home mom and I feel that there are days I just want to focus on myself but just can't. We don't live near family so its really tough and my hubby works a lot!! I'm just so tired of feeling horrible!!! I'm so tired of this addiction feeding me lies of what's going to make me feel better!!! My hubby has been wonderful, but he's at his breaking point which I understand. This disease is so strong that even though my family is on the line I just want to give in and use. I can't give in anymore!!!! My husband just tells me to suck it up and I know that's true to a point, but as u all know it's not that easy.

[sudie58]

hi and welcome. you can do this you know, there are lots of us on here who relapsed a few times, but kept on trying, you are going to have some withdrawals but they are doable, you will also need some aftercare, to make sure you dont keep slipping up, such as AA/NA. counseling, therapy ,a pastor anything that can help you stay clean. there are things that can help you through the physical side of withdrawals,
you need to drink plenty of fluids, thats important, folks say gatorade is good, get some imodium for any stomache probs or diorreah, hot baths with epsom salts give relief, also valerian root and melatonin to help with relaxation and sleep, there is something for restless legs you can get it at walmart/walgreen, fresh air and a little exercise is a help, try and be positive its half the battle, you can get your life back, take care and keep posting to let us know how you go,