STAYING clean

[odaat1]

Hi,
I can identify with a bottom when I was drinking.  It was messy, I had blackouts, and lots of shame, guilt and remorse.  I currently attend AA, and have sober time, but not clean time.
When I use Percocets, (non prescribed) I feel "normal".  My emotional pain subsides, and I can function throughout the day without self pity, or any negative emotions, they just seem to disappear!!!  No one smells it, and I "appear" to be a more energetic, loving and positive person. Having said this, I find it difficult to not want to feel this "good".  There is a war within, because addiction is addiction, and I DON'T want to continue.  
My question is, how do you cope with life on life's terms without the use of mind altering substances, and just face stuff clean.
Thank you.

[IBKleen]

7 hours is a great start!!! Hang in there and keep it going. Hit a meetings. Talk about it. You can do this!!!

[spider6]

Hey.....I live in Ontario too.......all this snow isn't helping is it?  Hubby got me snowshoes a couple of days ago......took me on a hike yesterday through our normal 1mile trail...................Now I want to walk all over his face with my new "bear traps with a boot strap".........awwwww,....winter.

[odaat1]

When I reflect on decisions made when I was "altered" they were not the best for me, because it wasn't REAL.  You are right, the superwoman wasn't real. Thank you.

[odaat1]

Thank you for replying...I will just trust what you guys say about the pills turning on me.  I am really trying today, 7 hours so far.  Sounds so lame, but I couldn't go 2 hours a few days ago. Thank you for the encouragement.

[spider6]

Yup, what IBK said.  They will as certain as the sun shines turn on you at some point and all that "super" energy and personality will be but a memory.  Then you'll be forced to find something new...........we all know that fairy tale doesn't end well.  I'm struggling still with this issue.  God.....where is that super human chic that just kept going like the energizer bunny..........she is not here.......she's not real. (She s*cks anyway, good riddance....making life all hard for us "normals"). You need to just resign to what your natural "settings" are and just roll with it. .......trick is you have to have some clean time in before you can figure out what your natural settings are.  Good luck

[IBKleen]

The pills are giving you a false sense of security. They WILL turn on you and all that will be gone. You need to learn to live your life without the use of substances. You need to learn new coping skills and life skills. You can do that through the fellowships of AA or NA and I strongly suggest some form of counseling/therapy to help you get to the root of your issues and to learn not to use drugs to cover your emotions. There is something going on that is causing you to do that. Learn what it is. You can do this. Keep working on it and don't give up. I hope you lose the pills and get clean and sober!