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STILL trying to help a Vicodin addict

I live with someone who is battling Vicodin addiction (see my posted a question regarding this about 1 month ago) He still claims that he isn't using, however,he still goes through the process of obtaining scipts both via doctors and the Internet. He says that this is how he "copes" He goes throught the motions, but once the prescription comes, he throws it out. He has gone to psychiatrits and has been put on anti-depressants, but he doesn't follow throught with any kind of counseling because he doesn't feel like that helps him, He thinks this coping game of his works for him because the end result is that he isn't using (which he swears to). He won't tell me that he is or has received prescriptions despite the fact that he PROMISED to be honest with me in order to rebuild the trust that his lying for a year destroyed.  Well, he has now decided that he can't be honest with me because he want's to do this on his own and not let me be involved, even though he knows that I need his honesty to make our relationship work. Where to I go from here???
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Avatar universal
Hi Jam.  I'm really sorry for what you're going through.  I've been on the other end, I was addicted to codeine, and I can assure you that even though you promise to be honest and tell your loved one if it becomes a problem, you don't.  You don't because you know that they will make it stop and you don't want that.  

It's a hard thing to stop, but it can be done.  The key though, is he has to want it.  You can try to help, but he has to be the one to do the work.  I also know from experience that, even though your intentions are the best and all you want is to help him, the feeling he'll have is resentment.  

Maybe you can get him to read this board.  If he's still getting scripts, he's probably not throwing them away.

Sorry to be so direct, but unfortunately, that's the reality of addiction.
Avatar universal
Gee hit the nail on the head.  I too was the one in the relationship using, and I said whatever I knew my fiance wanted to hear in order to do exactly what I wanted--keep using without her interference.  As someone much wiser than me once said, don't look at what someone SAYS, look at what they DO.  From his behavior he is clearly not ready to quit.  Sadly, most addicts will not get help until they either hit rock bottom or have enough negative consequences to REALLY want to change.  Until then there is NOTHING you can do for him.  What you must do is protect yourself (your psyche) and for that, I would strongly advise you to consider Dr. Steve's advice.  Good luck.
Avatar universal
i have been in such a relationship, and belive me they have to want it bad to quit. This relationship left me in depression because i used all the energy i had in making it work and at the end (of course) IT DIDN T. Get out fast before the same happens to you!, at the end its not your problem to solve.
Avatar universal
Although this piece of our relationship is challanging and has exhausted me mentally, I hate to think that there is no other solution besides getting out of the relationship. This is truely the one area that has presented us with problems. He is a wonderful person and besides this problem, I couldn't have asked for more in a person. I understand that addiction and recovery are extremely difficult for someone to go through,and makes a person do and act in ways that they normally wouldn't.  I just want to do what I can to help him and hopefully get past this and move ahead with our lives. I know that recovery is a life-time committment, I just want to be able to trust him again. Maybe that will never happen, but I am willing to try as long as he is willing to help as well. I really don't want to give up, but lately I'm afraid that is my only option left.
Avatar universal
Jam,
Go to Al-Anon before it is too late and your resentments and anger destroy your relationship. I didn't, and I lost my wife who was going through recovery. I did not learn how to cope with a recovering addict and I let my anger destroy the relationship. She of course did have a big part in all of it.You need to express how you are feeling with others who have been there. Do not keep his using a secret. Talk to your friends, family, and by all means, other co-dependents in Al-Anon. Get it out in the open and a huge burden will be lifted from you. You need to learn how to act and what is and what is not acceptable behavior on your part. GO TO AL-ANON MEETINGS. Go through the checklist that Al-Ano has on the web titled Do You Need Al-Anon. I finaly did after one year and checked off 22 of 25. A year earlier, I never would have admitted any of it to myself.

One other word o wisdom, even if your addict were to stop using today, his addict behavior will continue. In my case, I did not see any real changes in her outlook on things except that she was no longer using. Complete recovery can take many years. Remember, addicts minds are fried and they may never behave as you and I.
Avatar universal
I think you are right on about the addict's mind being fried and may never be right again.  I come from a long line of addicts on both sides of my family which are ironically all in the medical profession.  I grew up with a lot of alcohol and pills and thought it was normal.  I remember experimenting with all of it as a child fourty years ago.  My father was an alcoholic and my mother used barbituates and benzos.  

I just seem to get addicted to everything from speed to opiates and alcohol.  My life has been less than substandard as a result!
Right now I am fighting alcohol again with cirrohsis of the liver and it seems to be a losing battle.  Some people get cancer for no reason and are able to deal with it and get better.  With me it has been a thirty year battle that is seemingly unending and hopeless.  Is there any hope that I will lead a "normal life" ?  

John B.
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