Hi everyone. I'm a sophomore in college, and feel like I've developed an addiction to adderall, and would appreciate advice from anyone who has conquered their addiction. I started taking adderall my second semester of senior year (senior slump) to motivate myself to do assignments that I had no desire to do since I knew where I was going to college. Upon taking it I enjoyed it immensely, because it gave me more confidence and happiness than I had felt in years it seemed. It also obviously, made school work a lot more interesting to do. In high school, I would spend much longer on assignments than nearly all my classmates (usually at least twice as much), and it wore on me. I "willed myself" to get good grades through all of middle school and high school, but once I took adderall I realized I didn't have to feel that way when I did my work. So during my freshman year at UVA, I started taking adderall right around my first set of midterm exams. I was worried about becoming dependent upon it tried to limit my use to just studying for exams. However, I then started taking adderall to get through smaller assignments and readings. Soon the "competitive edge" that I gained from studying on adderall seemed to disapper, and I started to rely on it just to do my work. I had a 3.7 in high school, but finished up my freshman year with a little under a 3.3.
However, here's the twist. Over the summer, I convinced my parents to get me tested for ADHD. Though I used adderall way too much my freshman year, I also did do a lot of work without it, and still took longer to complete those assignments relative to others it seemed. Also the assignments were longer and harder in college, making the academic mountain I had to climb all the more daunting. I wondered a lot whether I had ADHD or not, but always thought deep down that I didn't. My parents not knowing that I had been using adderall my freshman year, agreed to get me tested. The results came back and stated that I had "off the charts" ADHD. This surprised me, and also left me feeling conflicted.
I had become dependent upon adderall for studying, but now I was prescribed it for justifiable reasons. At the same time though, I got into a top-tier university without adderall, and have always envisioned myself in the future breaking off this addiction.
Today I am prescribed 40 mg of adderall a day. The "speed-like" effects I got from taking adderall have dulled substantially (due to tolerance), but my dependency on adderall is still as strong as ever. This semester I was really hoping to change the way I did things at school, but I failed. I pulled a lot of all-nighters on adderall, and always felt pressed for time. And I hardly ever sat down to start my homework without one or two blue pills in my pocket. My grades were at the same level of mediocrity as they were last year, and I really am hoping I can pull them up this semester, but I just don't know if I have the confidence to do it anymore.
So I guess what I'm asking is if any of you who've overcame your adderall addiction or dependency have any advice for me. Thanks a lot, I really do appreciate any help anyone can give me.