Love of the opiate

[VicAddict26]

For years I had an underlining love for opiates.. I enjoyed the high on occasion. I had played with other drugs in my days but never had a love for them like opiates... why is that?? other drugs made me higher, but i could try and then leave it without thinking twice... Eventually because of my love I slowly became an addict, something I never could have seen myself, everything else in my life has always been so controlled.. As i'm becoming sober i'm trying to re-teach myself how to live and that is pretty hard,, i don't want these drugs in my life but then i think why can't i enjoy my high... lol  i know that i could never be trusted with pills but i will miss them in some ways, they became part of me and i adapted to think that was who i was, now i'm seeing clearer every day and trying to figure out how i got myself into this mess,, and i keep going back to that same problem opiates are my doc and that will never change,, how do we subcontiously pick a doc... and why is it different for other people??  Sorry for the rambling I don't have people to talk to this about and these are some of the things running in my mind (now that it finally works again!!)

Lisa

[VicAddict26]

Thank you for your posts,, I think this has become my new addiction!!! Medhelp is the first place i head when i wake up!! lol i've always been a very addictive person,, this morning i feel pretty good, day 5!!! YES now the body can start healing,, another thing i have realized is taking my supplements has helped, for so long i have taken pills as soon as i open my eyes,, the first few days it was kinda irritating that they didn't cause the high, but i truly believe they are helping and i'm finally starting to feel normal sober than high,, those first few days I really felt out of my element because in my head it was so different... that is getting better each day to... Good luck to all,, we can beat this,, we really can learn to live again without them... all the things that I feared to get the end result like w\d and learning to do things sober is becoming a reality and it feels good!!!!

Lisa

[bionic_man]

Everyone,
I've been on opiates on and off since I was 12...I was in an auto accident and remember the nurses giving me a pain shot and loving every minute of the feeling.  Sometimes I believe certain people are addictive personalities and once we get that feeling we're forever in love with it.  The strange thing is we know it's not good for us and we continue to want it.....no matter the cost.  The common bond with us all is we know the time has come to get clean and we've taken the first steps to accomplish this.  We should feel good about this.  We all have those stories about losing our "stash" ( can you believe I used to lick the insides of the bottles when I didn't have any more pills?) Anyway, good luck to all and someday this will all seem like a dream.....one heck of a nightmare.

Bionic Man

[sway1]

at the ripe age of 15, my good buddies let me try some heroin. of course i shot it. i got so sick vomiting. they said that always happens the first time so being an addict already although not really understanding that i was, i tried it again the next morning. guess what? i threw up like once or twice, followed by some bliss. back ins those days also started booting up what we called MDA. never in my life have i felt that good. that was the first thing i ever w/d ed from and it was horrible. i didn't know really what was happening, til was told. then instead of saying "well i don't ever want to go thru that again", i said, "well let's get some more." since then my drug of choice was "more". i am 46 years old. isn't that just so ****ed up? well i am on day 6 now. got all kinds off support in place, most of all i have you all. strange how intelligence can be so easily over-ridden by me/us. am working on it this time hard. ratting my self out for the slightest urge as soon as i get it.   someone once told me that a clean addict is just someone who dies before they relapse agein. i thought they were saying something bad until i realized you can live to a ripe old age w/o using again and then die. still odd to think in that way, doncha think? will be on most of the day. gotta go to the health food store for some supps. ready for the regimen now. love that L-Tyrosine. peace to anyone reading this. hang in there everyone!    sway

[VicAddict26]

I know I can't be trusted with them, and I know what I have to sacrifice to get to the end of this,, I will make it to the other side, yes I have a problem and I hope I never have to deal with a relapse,, I have thought up a game plan and have been planning this for a while,, the other times I experience w\d it wasn't by choice, it was because I didn't have access,, This time i've done it because i want to, and I feel great, I feel like if I can carry on life and go through w\d at the same time, I can do anything,, and with your guys's support I will beat this demon of love for my pills,, I will sacrafice it to God, my kids, my husband, my parents, you guys, whoever but I can't fight this demon anymore,, so i'm setting him free...

Lisa

[greeneyes23]

Opiates have always been my doc. Well overall, opiates were the one i always went back to. I also had a problem with cocain, that drug was the worse for me. But opioids was my favorite.
Okay, im talking in circles!
I am still struggling day at a time to get a day clean. I had a year clean with the help of suboxone and then after a year i got prescribed adderall and have of course built up a quick tolerence to it over the past couple of months. So in a way Suboxone isnt a miracle drug for opiate addicts. It does help. but when it comes down to it when you are wanting to get high, its not going to stop you. I think that its great that you have been able to come off of the opiates.Most of all you surrendering to God is the most important decision and best decision that you could ever make. Only the truth can set you free and the truth is God! I will keep everyone in my prayers. It feels good to be able to come on here and talk to people that feel and have gone through the same things you have. Being able to help one another, and listen to how other people have gotten clean lets me know that it can be done and it does get better. The only step I need to take action in now is WILLINGNESS. That i keep praying for.

[worried878]

my daughter is having surgery this weekend.and i have to hold her hydros..i will and  would never let my dtr suffer...just seems like they pop up all over the place...it is sumpin we have to come to terms with and be able to go on in a world full of "me" what is in it for "me"...everyone wants to feel good...not take responsibility it seems...a time of no committment to anything it seems..we are committed to this tho...gotta have sumpin important to u these days..something to hold on to

[Danny750]

Yeah I would of been pissed about the bottle going in. You took so many. Never take that many again. Stay away from those. I don't want to die either. I don't want my kids to have to be without me for my selfishness. We will always love them but we can never be with them

[ejwilson]

Florence Nightingale???  notorious opium user ?

WOW, now that I didn't know! I did a major book report about her in 5th grade and I never read that. No wonder I only got a B!
elaine

[VicAddict26]

I got a story to go with that one,, my most disappointing opiate memory,,, we went camping and I had my pills in my purse, well we rented a boat and when I was getting out onto the dock my purse that was around my neck dropped into the water,, all my pills were mush... I was pissed but at that time i was so nieve that i didn't even know not taking them would cause w\d.. the rest of the weekend lets just say I wasn't as motivated as usual,,, sad as it may be it took me years to realize I had a problem with them... these memories are what i'm going to use against this demon,, I want to live life and know EVERY DAY I will feel good and not wonder if one day my family will have to bury me because I couldn't control myself,,,,

Lisa

[VicAddict26]

Thank you for some insight, I know it's not just me but I don't understand it,, i've done a lot of reading on here and other research about the issue, almost went on sub's thank God I researched that one before I did it...The problem of the ages is that we are selfish, sinful people and we like what makes us feel good,, our problem may be drugs, alcohol, cigs, sex, food, gambling, anything that gives us goody goody feelings.. self indulgent is what it is,, Not proud to admit but I have realized this of myself I am self indulgent to the point that I haven't cared what it would do to me,,, if I like it I do it,,, hopefully realizing where the problem lies I can get ahold of it... I have surrendered to God and am letting him call the shots, and fortunately he offers strength to change our ways, and forgiveness of what we have done,, I'm doing a lot of thinking actually, it's kinda crazy to have so much time to think about whatever I want,, not when i can take another pill, or where i'm going to get more... I was literly taking over 600 pills a month!!! people shouldn't take that in their life!!!! I knew that but I didn't care, I didn't think I could live without them.. now I know I can... I don't think I'll ever quit loving opiates, hell I love them now,,, but I know that I can't touch them and live my life the way I want it to be...

[Danny750]

I'm laughing at myself becuz I loved these pills so much I would get mad when my doc lowered my dosage. Or when a pill fell out of my pocket in a cab in NYC and I was so angry. Unbelievable how those tiny things control a living breathing thinking human being

[mojorisin64]

yeah those are the sneakiest of drugs in my opinion,the total sense of well being and calmness,but the snake in the grass is that is only temporary...there are a bunch of famous people who used,yeah i looked:

Famous Opium Users
Marcus Aurelius - The Roman Emperor initially used the drug for medicinal purposes, but likely became addicted to it at some point during his reign over Rome.

Charles Dickens – The author of A Tale of Two Cities and A Christmas Carol was addicted to opium for many years and used the drug heavily right up to the time of his death (by massive stroke).

Bela Lugosi – The star of hundreds of early horror films was a frequenter of several underground opium dens and also used morphine excessively during his life.

Florence Nightengale – It was discovered after her death that the most famous nurse who ever lived was a notorious opium users.

Famous Heroin Users
John Belushi – One of the greatest comedians of his generation, Belushi died of an accidental overdose on a powerful speedball – a dangerous mixture of heroin and cocaine.

Kurt Cobain – Lead singer of the band Nirvana, Cobain used heroin to escape from the stress brought on by sudden fame. Eventually, would succumb not to an overdose, but a self-inflicted gunshot wound in his Washington home.

Janis Joplin – The iconic singer of the 1960's was a major heroin user. She was forced to cancel shows often because she was too heavily under the influence to take the stage.

Billie Holiday – Arguably one of the greatest torch song singers who ever lived, Holliday was never able to overcome her addiction to heroin. Also used opium while on the road appearing in sold-out concerts.

River Phoenix – The up-and-coming young actor died of a heroin-speedball overdose outside The Viper Room nightclub in Hollywood. Phoenix was on his way to becoming a true A-list star in the film industry when he died.

Famous Painkiller Users
Rush Limbaugh – After rumors would not subsist, the conservative talk show host was forced to admit he had a severe prescription drug addiction, including OxyContin and Vicodin.

Carrie Fisher – Screenwriter and Star Wars Trilogy star Fisher admitted in her autobiography that she had abused prescription painkillers repeatedly throughout her long and illustrious career.

Elvis Presley – The King of Rock and Roll died in the mid 1970's from a drug overdose. An autopsy later found massive amounts of various prescription painkillers in his system when he died at his Graceland home.

[gizzy32]

I also think as addicts we can train ourselves to like any drug. Although I never liked pills, when I was on prescribed oxy's for just over a month i took them for 2 weeks as prescribed, the last week I was taking 8 -40mg oxy's a day and waking up at 3am everynight to take one, it would have become a problem that time, i know it.

[gizzy32]

I have wondered this myself and I hope someone knows the answer, lol. I have taken pills, but they have never been my thing, i never got addicted to them, but cocaine consumed me. Others have tried cocaine and hated it and never got addicted. I guess it's how our brains react to drugs differently. I have used many drugs and abused some, but when I found one that at the time I loved there were no others, I always liked uppers. This is a good question.

What you said about re-teach yourself how to live is so true and it is hard. Recovery is a process and if you stick to it, you will get to see and experience things you never would have before. I appreciate life so much more than before and realize drugs stole my soul and left me empty. It doesn't matter what we use, all drugs change us for the worse. Ok now I am rambling too so I will shut up cause I didn't even answer your question, lol.