Hey James...I'm so sorry about all the hurt you guys are going through :( that's very sad. Have you tried going to a regular counselor? Not a drug counselor? I would certainly not disown my son, no matter what he did. I have four sons, and they mean the world to me. If they acted in self-defense or even not, then I still would not disown any of them! And no one should tell you that you should! You are worth helping! I'm sure your son and your wife would both agree! Think of how awful they would feel if you were gone? My husband is an alcoholic, and although I get beyond Pissed off at him, if he were to drink himself to death or die of alcohol poisoning, I would be absolutely devastated! He has all kinds of legal problems, etc due to alcohol abuse, but I am still convinced he is worth saving and I wish above anything he would get some help and realize what he is doing to those he still has in his life and that love him. If he is worth saving, then so are you. Don't be so down on yourself. You are not a loser or a failure...try and try again. I tried over and over and over to get off pain pills, and if I ever happened to relapse for whatever reason, I would just try again. Do not let yourself pay the ultimate price for drug use...it is so not worth it, but your life is worth it! Have you tried getting an exercise addiction instead of drugs? Or boxing, kickboxing, etc...that will let you expell alot of the rage, anger, depression, etc that you are feeling and it would also help release endorphins, and endorphins make you feel good, maybe not 100% happy, but happier. And in memory of your grandson and because your son in prison would love it, why don't you put up a christmas tree, and let the spirit of the holiday fill your heart. Your wife may like it also. Do you have any other family that you get together with or could get together with? And are you doing an N/A program or anything? Please respond. I do not feel like you are wasting my time one bit. This forum is all about support and compassion and helping people in their time of need, right? I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I'm a good listener.
You're welcome for listening. Many people on here (as you know) will swear by aftercare, N/A, A/A as it helps to treat the reason for the relapses. You were doing so good before, just try again. DO NOT GIVE UP!!! You are worth fighting for. I think that you should try to go see like a psychologist or psychiatrist type of counselor or better yet, a grief counselor. I saw a grief counselor for a while (not for drugs) and she really helped me alot. And I'll bet that will help take away some of the want to continue using. Does your son have to stay in the whole 22 years (11 more years) or is he eligible for the 3/4 time that all prisons seem to have implemented over the last couple years due to overcrowding. I'm not sure where you are, but that is how it is in California. Try going to church and talking to a pastor, preacher, priest, etc about this. They can be very great! Find something that you still find joy in. I'm serious about the boxing or kickboxing or something...you'll be suprised how much better you will feel just to get that aggression out.
James. When recovery doesn't happen, relapse does. Get into AA or NA asap. 90 meetings in 90 days. Get a sponsor. Do what they tell you. Listen to the people in the rooms that have significant sober time. That's it. No excuses.
None of us get through this life unscathed. You've had your share of pain and heartache but you're not alone. You've known many members here for a long time so you know everyone has a story. Horrible childhood, abuse, poverty, illness...myriad problems and reasons to abuse drugs and alcohol. You know it doesn't work to use; it doesn't make you happy.
You're worth the support you get here and you've done wonderfully. No one can take away the clean time you've acquired. But no one can get you straight but you. You're going to have to reach, again, in your area.
You need some help from a therapist; a doctor. You are depressed and maybe some anti depressants will help. It's worth a try. You feel like crap now so you've got absolutely nothing to lose.
I know the healthcare situation there can take time but get the wheels in motion now. You're dwelling in everything that's bad but I know there's a flip side. Get a grip, work on better mental health, and participate in the holidays. A little faith might help, too.
Stay in touch- xo
love you James. there is no shame. there is nothing for you to be ashamed of. for what? being a human being? being sensitive? having feelings? we love you James.
You are worth saving James. Save yourself. Only you can take the steps in that direction. Please see a therapist or a doctor. Do this for wee Joe...do this for your son so that you live to see him return to you and celebrate holidays again....do this for Kim...but above all else, do this for you James. You will never be judged or turned away at MH. You will always have friends who love you here. Much love to you James!
Oh James.....I'm so sorry for you. You're in a bad place dear man......don't move. Just don't do anything until this cloud thins out a little. Just wait it out until you can move in the "right" direction. Greet advice above. If you do something harmful to yourself you will just make life so much worse for your remaining loved ones. You don't want them to feel like you do now, do you? Praying for you James....your soul needs replenishing. It is tired and sad....you need rest. Please don't stop getting counsel........don't stop reaching for help. You have value.....you've just lost your way. You are loved James.
James, you and i have known each other for a long time so you know how i roll here. I totally get you have been faced with many tragedies but it is time to stop using that as an excuse to use. You have been facing this mountain for a long time and you expect that mountain to move on its own. YOU have to move that mountain. It is time to dig deep and stop this insanity. All you are doing is causing more pain for you and your loved ones. Honor Wee Joe by getting some help. Your son will be out of prison before you know it. Show that young man that change does happen and be a role model. He will need help getting back to the real world. Deal with your demons James. Do it for you. Sending love and hugs to you my friend~
James we will never give up on you. I hope and pray you don't give up on yourself. You are worth the fight James.
You have been clean and sober James and you know what you need to do to maintain your sobriety.
James life certainly can have much sadness and heartaches. We need to live life on its terms. I am so sorry for the heartaches you and your family have endured.
James you know continuing to use will only make things worse for you and your loved ones.
James please get back to therapy, get a check up at the doctors, get into support groups, go to church, talk to a clergymen. We love you James and we are here for you.
Keep the faith James. There is always hope.
Sending hope, prayers and comfort.
Much love, Debbie