Should I be on the anxiety forum?

[duckandcover]

Well  I went back and re-read my own journals.  100 days (or so) clean and I've had big bouts of ups and downs regarding anxiety.  Early on (15 days) I had a full blown anxiety attack and went to the ER where they told me no you're not having a heart attack it's just anxiety.  I then learned about PAWS and figured I was going to be in for a ride with this.   Well there have been weeks where I've been my "old self" and weeks where it's like I'm always just a little bit afraid all the time.  I'm in a down cycle now to the point where I took a xanex this morning.  And I hate... absolutely HATE the idea of it.  But I need to function for my family today.  We're going to a parade.

I've been fighting hard to do this on my own without substances but now I just don't know.  I feel fear and depression lurking around the fringes of my mind all the time lately (last few weeks).  It's really wearing on my state of mind and disposition.  There are enough problems in my house without me falling apart.  I'm the glue right now.  I can't fall apart.

I love this board and all it's taught me but I'm starting to think that I've had Generalized Anxiety Disorder all along and the opiats were maybe a tool for me to deal with that.  I've got a family doctor ready to put me on Lexapro and I've heard great things about it.  I just hate pills soo freaking much.  Am I maybe being foolish here.  

Anyway.  I was thinking that maybe I should spend some time over on the anxiety board.  I don't know.. I hate to make a decision this big while not clear minded.  And yes I realize how stupid that sounds.. ughh...

Can anyone relate to what's happening to me?  Am I just in a regular PAWS funk or should I be climbing out of this by now.  Any opinions greatly appretiated.

[duckandcover]

Well no diabetics aren't abusers but they don't get addicted to insulin either.  Sure a lot of them need it to live.  But there are degrees.  It's also possible for them to control a milder case with diet and exercise.  

Not every problem is a nail and not every solution a hammer.  Simply "getting thee" to a GP isn't the problem.  Lets face it GP's are always prescribing outside their area of expertise  (My family Dr was giving my wife 240mg/day of Oxy along with antidepressants, lyrica, patches etc...  I never heard him suggest a reputable pain management specialist till my wife had a seizure and he got scared).

I'm not really interested in just getting to a GP and throwing things at the wall till something sticks.  That method scares the h### out of me.  "Take this for a while.  Doesn't work then try this".  BAHHHH...

It sounds stupid but if I get a headache I don't think that it's because my body was aspirin deficient.   I'm just as interested in the cause as the cure.  

All my ranting aside,  I still think you make some good points and I largely agree with you original premise.  We self-medicate to deal with unmentioned problems and then deny deny deny...  My problem is that I'm trying to come to terms with weather this anxiety is part of PAWS or if I've been doing the deny deny deny..  I was a rock solid guy for 43 years.  I mean totally unflappable,  This is tough for me to consider.  I just don't know yet.  

Sorry for the aimless ramble... shrug.. I'm just thinking out loud a little.

[lovepat906]

I have often thought that much substance abuse is self medication, Anxiety, depression, OCD- gallop in my fam- and so does alchoholism and drug abuse. The oldsters just got sloshed every night and cried in their beer. They wouldn't DARE admit that they might have a *gasp* Mental Illness!!! It is so time to put that in the past and realize that depression etal  is a real illness and there are legal effective medications- just like insulin for a diabetic.... you don't consider a diabetic to be a drug abuser, do you? Self medication has taken many a soul down a dark,dark path- it only makes it worse. So- get thee to a GP and get some depression or anxiety meds. There are many so if the first one doesn't do the trick- keep trying- there will be one that will help your chemistry become more even and tolerable,

[duckandcover]

I actually like and somewhat trust my Dr but wow is he busy.  In this day and age you really have to take a certain amount of responsibility to educate yourself about what they give you.  I've heard him say not to spend too much time on the internet though because he's seen a sharp spike in hypochondriacs in his practice.  I'm sure he has a valid point but still..

shrug.

[catmagnet]

I hear you on the trust in the dr.'s Only YOU can tell whats right for you. And you're right, hardly anyone takes the 20 mgs...you're being smart by being cautious. Sounds to me like you'll do fine, you're on the right track....

[duckandcover]

Thanks Cat.

I take it that 20mgs is on the upper end for Lexapro.  My goal with this (as well as any drug I'll ever take) is to take the absolute minimum that is effective and get *** to last as long as possible.  Even now at this moment the .5 of xanex I'm on is just at the minimum of what is useful.  I've become reeeeeely cautious about this stuff.  I'd love to say that I'll just trust my Dr but but my trust in the medical field is evaporating every day.  Especially after how badly they got my wife hooked on Oxy's.  They mean well but they are way overworked and spread too thin to stay on top of things.

Sorr.  I'm ranting a bit.  :)

[catmagnet]

I took lexapro for quite some time, it worked well, and it wasn't too hard too go off of. The only reason I stopped taking it was because I was up to 20 mgs and it lost its "kick".Now I'm on another SSRI prozac..sometimes your brain gets too used to the same one and you have to switch....best wishes...cat