Sleeping pill addiction?

[mommy_of_3_in_al]

I am 25 years old, married and a mother of three wonderful children, ages 6, 4, and 3. I have been taking Ambien regularly for about 18 months but on and off for almost 3 years. I began taking it when i was having trouble sleeping..my mom gave me some of hers (and she has been taking it for 15 years), and i then asked my doctor about it. He gave me a prescription with no questions asked. It helped me to sleep well, and i felt much better. After a while though, the quality of sleep was deteriorating and i was taking more and more, sometimes with alcohol or other pills to get the same quality. I then started to realize that I was freaked out when i would run out, and would start finding excuses to take it earlier..i even began putting my kids in the bed earlier so that i could take my pills earlier. I take about 60 mg a night, sometimes more, and usually with something else...usually klonopin or codeine. I have generalized anxiety as well, and have started having panic attacks recenly. I am a *****...I am preoccupied with taking my pills, and i have resorted lately to doctor shoping, pharmacy hopping, and ordering them from the internet, so i dont run out. I ran out three days ago, and have no options right now to get any more. My mom hides hers because i started stealing them from her. My husband has actually gotten a prescription himself so i can have 30 more a month. I cut them up or chew them to get the high quicker. My kids are being affected because i am preoccupied with pills and dont give them the attention they deserve...although i will be quick to say i DO NOT neglect my children. They are fed, clothed, bathed, played with, etc. I am just recently admitting to myself that i have a problem..because i am starting to realize the things that i have done while under the influence and have no recollection of. I am a second year nursing student, and although my grades arent affected yet, im sure they will be. The biggest problem with this is that i know eating will affect how the medication works, so i wont eat. I eat in the morning, and up until lunch time, but after than i refuse to eat..i am 5 ft 7 in tall and weigh less than 100 lbs...I have always been small, but people are beginng to point out how bad i look and that i am too skinny, so i know that i am developing more of a proble than i will admit to...I am going on three days with no pills, and i actually feel better..although i am preoccupied with it still, and i havent slept in three days. I dont know what i am actually asking here...really im just venting...but any advice is welcome!!!

[frankie165]

I understand not seeing your husband till January.  We live on the  GA/AL line so hunting starts earlier in GA and goes later in AL.  I pretty much kiss my husband goodbye in mid-October and don't see him till January.  

I hope your latice went up nicely.  

Sounds like your doing great!

[Curls]

You are doing great at this.  Your telling a scary story - doctors push Ambien to everyone with sleep problems like it's no big deal, and pay little attention to the fine-print "might be addicting" clause.  

From what I've seen on here, klonipin can also be addicting or cause withdrawals, so if you aren't seeing benefit from it, probably best to not bother with it when you are ready.

[Summer123]

Seems to me Klonipin would always help you sleep more than ambien.  I've taken ambien and rozerem, and neither of them work at all for sleep.  My mom takes ambien and it doesn't work for her either, but she might get 1 hour of sleep, so she doesn't want to give it up.  Have had other friends that say the ambien doesn't work, yet they are afraid not to take it for fear they won't get any sleep at all.  

[mommy_of_3_in_al]

I am in Montevallo, just south of birmingham, north of montgomery. In a little hick town called Pea ridge. I love it here..and yes my husband knows that i am not taking it anymore..he wouldnt get it filled anyway..i always did that..he wouldnt even know when it was eligible for refill!! And come later next week, when i can get mine filled, i think i wont..i just wont...simple as that. I slept well again last night, and i feel great today. In fact, I am about to go clean up my yard and (attempt) to put lattice around the bottom of my deck...if i can afford it and can figure out how to do it. I have learned not to even ASK my husband for help..he is preoccupied with hunting, so i can forget him giving me any help until the end of january. Maybe ill call my daddy and see if he will help...or maybe ill be wonder woman and do it myself, although i am scared of what it may look like...i am also going to start a bonfire and burn trash and leaves, etc..maybe i wont catch the house on fire...ill let you know :)

[frankie165]

You sound like you are doing a marvelous job.  Glad to hear you are eating also.  Kids are like little sponges, they pick up everything.  We think we are hiding stuff, but somehow they know.  I am sure that you are a better mother with out the pills.  

What are you going to do when you can get your prescription refilled?  Have you told your husband that you don't want to take them anymore?  That way he won't be helpful and get his perscription filled either.  

By the way, I am in Phenix city, AL... where are you?

[mommy_of_3_in_al]

Great news...i slept last night..for 8 hours straight, with no interruptions, and i feel rested and refreshed today, even so that i am up and cleaning, doing laundry, which i always put off.

Frankie..yep i ate last night..twice..and i have eaten twice today. I feel better today than i have in months, and my husband and best friend both commented on how much my outlook seems to have changed. Yes, i am truly committed to geting off..i figure i am 6 days now without, and even if i wanted to, i cant get any more until next week, so if i can handle two weeks, i think i can stay off.

[frankie165]

I am sure your kids absolutely loved having you spend more time with them.  I am also glad that you see a difference in your behavior now.  
You already have 5 days without the Ambien.  Are you truly committed to getting rid of it, or if you had the money would you be taking it again.  You need to make sure you are committed.

Also, did you eat last night?  From your first post, I was really concerned by your eating habits.  Do you think it is good for the children to see you so thin and not eating. You need to be healthy.

I am proud of your accomplishments already.

[flmagi]

That Ambien is bad news. Hope you stay strong and can kick it.

[mommy_of_3_in_al]

That is why i have commited to getting this under control..i am on night 5 with no pills, and although i am a little anxious, i feel ok. Actually, i was able to spend more time with my kids tonight,and i was more patient with them and more involved than i have been in a while. I am still taking the Klonopin, but only in the prescribed amount, to control the anxiety and panic attacks. I dont even feel anything from it, but i tell myself it helps, so i take it. I guess it is best that i dont even have any ambien, so i cant take it even if i try. My doctor denied my last request for a refill, and i cant afford to buy it online right now, so im stuck whether i like it or not..thats best.

[frankie165]

Hi and welcome to the forum.  
You will find some very wonderful people and support here.  

It sounds like you really need to get this under control.  Even though you say your children aren't neglected.  If you are preoccupied with pills, then they are not your first priority.  Soon they will have activities that they want you to be a part of.  If your are always worried about your pills, there may come a time that they will be neglected, and you will deny it.  It will be hard for you to see it.  You won't want to believe you could behave that way.

You really need to do some soul searching and decide what your priorities are.