Slowly losing my friend

[worried878]

I have talked to a friend who quit with me/we were each others support system.....you guys, i lost her  and she is back to old behaviors..she started her old doc/before hydros/ this week/alcohol/6 years clean from alcohol...I will continue my group meetings without her...for now...I think I may need to distance from her as her addictive behaviors and lying are taking over...i hate to do that but i need to keep myself ok and i can not keep talking to her with her voice slurred and not say anything...i have said enough and warned her enough... .i am not familiar with her as a drinker...i have known her for over 2 years and she had a hydrocodone problem from a back injury a year ago,,,we quit hydros together...i hate to see this but i realized tonight that i can not help her...she has started lying to me in addition to herself...like she looks at me as her watchdog or something..I am going to distance...may not be the right thing to do ...distancing is an old behavior of mine when i dont know what else to do ??? any suggestions???

[persnick38]

That really stinks. Sorry you're going through this. I have to agree with everyone that I think you're doing the right thing by distancing yourself. You have to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to guard your sobriety.

What if you talked to her and explained how you're feeling and just tell her why you can't be around her right now. You can let her know that when she's ready to get clean again, you will be there to support her.

[chef4u]

Just keep up the good fight!!! I had to walk into the N.A meeting by myself talk about scared but wow eveyone was so warm!!! youve been clean 2 mo now what accomplisment!!! Be PROUD!!! and stay firm where your friend is concerned ive had to let go too over the years I will always remeber the good things about them fondly and always pray they will change my friend lost everything!! 3 kids husband parents been in jail Me we where friend since 16 I sometimes feel cheated by her because we always had plans for when we got older and had a family but she is toxic to me but I will always love her!!!!!!!

[worried878]

Thanks again newgirl, chef, and gtm......just needed to vent

[worried878]

you r right chef....she is just not a positive element to add to my life...well, to keep in my life,,,she has lied to me like 3 times this week and i am not gonna call her on it...she knows I know...i just need healthy people in my life right now..call me selfish...i just dont have the extra energy right now....i will be there if she needs me tho...I have realized I can not depend on her as a friend...until she started drinking this week she was a totally different personl...her mom and dad died of alcholism and her brother overdosed and died....i have to accept the fact that i can not fix everything...but i guess i will ust be there if she calls...i will start going to the maeetings by myself...see, with her being in AA, i had let her take care of our meetings and stuff as she had experience with it and I did not...i will just go on without her...will miss her tho

[newgirl2708]

You cannot help someone by stepping into the darkness with them. Stay in the light, let them come to you.
Good luck,
new

[kim715]

I know how very much it hurts to leave go of relationships for fear of jeopardizing your own sobriety.I literally speak to noone that I have encompassed my life around for the last three years.I had a friend that started with me also.Unfortunately, although we both quit the methodone on the same day,two days later she fell back to the vicodin.I miss her alot,we had alot more in common then just the pills or the methodone,but I know for my own sake that I am not strong enough to be around her. The last time I spoke to her ,which was 12 days ago, it was almost as if she were trying to talk me out of cleaning up.I just chalked it up to misery loves company,and although at the time I was pretty miserable from the withdrawl,and she was feeling no pain from the vicodin,I know that I will have alot less pain in my future getting out now. All we can do is pray for them,and be there when they are ready to do this.Peace.

[chef4u]

I know its hard but you need to but yourself first!! your sobriety is more important then the friendship sounds cold but it has to be oh you can still love and care for her and pray for her but just cant be in your life just let her now that you will be there if she wants to get clean but only then! I think it will be harder for you right now she will get mad and make it about you like all us addicts do so she doesnt have to face her reality
all the best
Geri-Rose

[worried878]

I know....thanx gtm....just needed to hear it (or read it)   I am a good friend to people and it is hard for me to do this....my coping mechanism since using has been distancing instead of voicing my concern....i just know it wont matter what i say to her...and i have said a few things, dont get me wrong..I have never engaged in losing battles...if i think it is a losing battle, i withdraw...i just hate it for her...and i feel  responsible as I introduced her to this guy who is now becoming her drug of choice...I am gonna let it go

[confused456]

Worried....I hear that loud and clear! There is no reason to accept it either. You are right, it is a form of disrespect and I agree that even though it hurts, distancing is probably in YOUR best interest. I wish you all the best.

[GoingToMakeIt]

You need to stick to your guns here. You are doing the right thing. Letting them know their behavior and use is not acceptable to you. As lonf as they are this way, your friendship can not continue.

[worried878]

I hate to do this tho...it hurts....i feel like i am being cold....i dont tolerate lying and such from anyone...to me it is a form of disrespect....I may have some problems but being stupid is not one of them...stupid for becoming addicted but i can not stand to be manipulated or lied to...i always feel it in my bones):

[GoingToMakeIt]

As hard as it seems, distancing is probably a good thing. You can not be around that behavior. If they won't change, then you need to stay away.