So Im clean but severly empty inside

[Opiategurl]

How is it that the drugs made my life feel more than this. I feel empty. Im so depressed I havent been eating or cleaning or doing anything. The pills really hurt my relationship. He is mentally ill anyway but I want to help him and be happy again. I was not myself when I was on the pills and I didnt show enough love and I think he moved on...IDK...Im sober and so is he and I just want us to do this together I feel weak. I just want to sleep all the time and cry. UGH I guess its been 13 days clean but the depression  gets worse everyday. GOD Im just trying to get through this. Why cant I feel happy without him.  

[lulu747]

Hi guys...
I am sorry for your suffering...Loss and grief are painful things to experience...but the numbing of these and other painful emotions come at the expense of numbing TRUE joy and happiness too...

A wise person once told me that it takes a lot more courage to be happy than miserable...Because the threat of losing happiness creates fear....
Know that as you are restored to yourself through working hard at your recovery (and sometimes that's what it is...hard work(:)  You will find yourself exactly in the moment that you are supposed to be...It's a journey with peaks and valleys,,,But every day that you encounter with sober eyes is a day of truly living...Not just surviving or barely surviving....Give yourselves a chance to heal...Make new choices to LIVE...It takes awhile to get used to it... but I promise it is worth it..And so are YOU... .One day...one moment at a time.....Lu

[Addicted2long]

Having a bad day today myself and know what ur going thru with the depression. My grandma passed away yesterday and I've just been down about it all day and thinking that I am a dissapointment to her and everyone else. I wasn't suppose to be the person I am today. K was going to be successful and happy and not a drug addict. I miss my ex gf too..I miss having someone to wake up to like u said and i know how hard it is to be alone. But I keep chugging and pray to god that he helps me because I helped myself. I tried so hard to turn my life around and it was the hardest thing in my entire like x10 to quit heroin but it's still kicking my ***! My body still doesn't feel right and I'm having anxiety and depression I never had before. I don't want to take a antidepressant or a benzos but I just may need to take small dose. I've said no to my doctor until now I feel like i may need one or the other. What do u all think?

[susanzach]

Please try and keep 'THE EXPECTATIONS" in the Basement!!!

[Opiategurl]

Nice quote...its true....I call him man thing because we are so on and off Ive lost track...Im showered now to get ready and drive an hour...ugh I hope its worth it.

[susanzach]

Just Read This for the 1st time/thought it might be appropriate for you;

"People always think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value/the truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that YOU ARE SPECIAL TOO"!

Peace

[susanzach]

Now that was Funny. I hope you found the humor in it!!!! Funny. . . "Man-thing", I have heard of "Boy-Toy". . . not sure I heard man-thing. . . but I like it. LOL!!
I just LITERALLY FORCED MYSELF to exercise for 45 minutes.
I can relate to The "Winter @#@# too!!! Right now, I have my "magic" light on for Seasonal affective Disorder. I live in Minnesota and today was gray and cold!!! YUCK!!!! It really makes it hard for me to feel like the energized bunny on days like today.
Have you thought about attending a meeting yet??? They really help with the lonliness stuff. . . . just a thought.

[Opiategurl]

thanks...i wish someone could just come in my room and drag me out of here. ive been drinking special k shakes an water. why do i always choose to wd in the winter...I HATE WINTER. i hate cold. ok....im going to shower.....drink a shake and go talk to my man thing...

[susanzach]

Hey. . . . Trust me when I say: " I Can Fell your Pain". . . . Paricularly with the Lack of Energy/Interest. I am only 8 days into "The Pill De-Tox", but have been in recovery from booze for over 15 years. I have NEVER ONCE felt Lonely at an AA/NA Meeting. Try one. . . . They will Understand. . . .and Listen. Plus it will get you out of the House. Anyways. . . just a suggestion. Lonliness can really stink.
Thanks for your Honesty!!!

[ricart70]

Hey you are doing great just keep going and it will get better.Like I said I did not even start to feel remotely better until about 21 days or more so just stick with what you're doing and you won't have to feel like this anymore.ok?   ok

[kyle505]

Well, glad to see that you're still here. Diarrhea is a pretty common part of withdrawal, that's why everyone encourages folks going through it to drink, Gatorade, etc. - whatever works for you. And there are some OTC stuff you can take to help with it. Not craving food is also normal, but again, if you can get protein shakes down, plus your vitamins, you'll be helping your body heal. But, you've probably been reading the great posts on this site, and are probably aware of the way we can start feeling better.

[Back2Me]

SAD SAD SAD SAD SAD SAD SAD SAD. That is the word of the day for me as well. I HATE this. And I have a TON of things going for me now finally again but man this wd sadness is brutal. Just brutal. Like a roller coaster. But I've been here before and it passes eventually. At least I think it does. I don't know. Maybe not, I've never made it past 40 days but I do remember not being sad like this after around 30 days. So what am I doing now? Listening to probably the saddest band on the planet lol. I switch though, when I can't take it anymore I turn to metal. I can't ignore this sadness so I indulge just a little bit. Sometimes it's cleansing afterwards. But know you are not alone, I have the sadness too. Lots of us do.

[gnarly_1]

HI I have been following your story you got the right ideas
now just apply them as for a good all around supplement get up to walmart and pick up some whey protein mix  its only 15 bucks for a 2lb can the chocolate flavor is good you just mix it with milk its got what you need to heal in it it has the amino acids as well as extra vitamins along with the raw protein all of witch the brain needs to heal its a cheep alternative to going to gnc and spending 60 bucks I recamend it to all who detox it really help get me back on my feet its 2 yr 3mo now for me if im down I will still drink it for a pick me up it is not a quick cure threre is not one but rather the building blocks to getting well drink 2 a day till you come around then 1 a day for the remaining yr this stuff works  good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[Opiategurl]

I know meetings are my next step...right now its just hard to do anything. Im getting over bronchitis...had the runs last night for some reason...I hardly eat. Today my chest feels heavy and my limbs are all weak. Boyfriend agreed to sit and talk...I think Id be so much less depressed if we were ok. I know its me time but having him there makes me happy. Thank you everyone. I appriciate you being here. Ill just keep posting...gonna shower and try  some new vitamines today. hope I have some energy.

[GA_need_help]

PLEASE GO TO AA MEETINGS!  This is Marie here, and you need to have a group of people (really cool people) love on you and you need to be part of a community.  Plus the topics discussed help us learn to live with life. The fellowship gives us connection and happiness.  We aren't meant to flounder in depression.  I am speaking from my experience in the past, and my experience today.  I am going to at least one AA meeting most every day.  I went by myself.  I had many years of sobriety before I had back pain and started using the opiate drugs.  Both tapering and quitting opiates means that our brains don't have their feel good chemicals.  This causes fear in me.  Maybe it is the same feeling you feel when you feel that you need to be with your boyfriend.  Fear, loneliness, a bit of panic?  I have those same feelings and I am married with a very secure commitment. Please know that this is what we are both going through and "this too will pass."  Will you PLEASE GET TO AN AA MEETING TODAY??? I am begging you to give this a committed try.  Please private message me.  I am here to support you.  We are in this together.  Our brains will change.  They are changing even if we don't feel it yet.  I will be praying for you at 8 EST with my prayer chat group.  I will tell you or anyone else who asks me in a private message about the group!  It is awesome.  Also, I am here for anyone who wants to talk about AA and getting through this.  You are not alone.  You have this awesome forum.  Big, big hug, Marie

[Bkitty]

Hi! Congrats on your clean time! I so know how you  are feeling! My marriage took a downward spiral in the beginning and I was all alone. Its a very lonely feeling,,,almost palpable. It hurts,,I actually felt a ache in my heart. I didnt know if we would recover or not. So what I did and it was soooo hard to do,,was I focused on me and my sobriety. I went to NA and aftercare and took care of me. I told myself " I love him,,but I love myself more right now".  It took awhile to feel the old new me again. It was a lonely painful journey all the soul searching I had to do. The thing is,,I had to figure out what kept me on the pills. I too was a "different" person. I had no idea who I was anymore. I promise you that in time,,it will come back to you. I know it hurts,,you just gotta feel it. But Im here to tell you at 63days all that pain, hurt and lonliness was sooo worth it in the end. You deserve a happy life. You cant depend on another human being to give that to you,,at least not right now. Take care of you first. Its the hardest thing to do for some reason,,I think its because we are so used to taking care of everyone but us. We have to change that if we want to remain sober. You can do this,,you have already come so far. He will be OK. (((Hugs)))~Bkitty

[quitinoxys]

Yes it is tough to be alone but if you fight this alone you can maybe back together

[Opiategurl]

its also tough to be alone...im not good at it

[dominosarah]

Take this time to focus on you.  We cant rely on someone else to make us happy.  That has to come from within.  It is very tough to be in a relationship where both are early in their recovery.  This is all about you now.

[Opiategurl]

Congrats!. I do feel better in many ways. Never thought I could inspire anyone. dont give up. I know Im determined to be happy again. Guess this is just part of it. At least it doesnt make me want the pills anymore. I just want love...someone to wake up for. Ive never beeen good at doing things just for me. Im codependent. How do you get over something like that???

[Opiategurl]

Its weird...needing my relationship back makes me despise the pills... a friend gave me this really good nutrition package of vitamines, teas and drink mixes. Its called M+ or something....so maybe that will help me with my energy. Im just not sure if I should try to go back to him or not. we were both addicts...quit the same time...had it really rough. Im just dealing with it differently. He's pesimistic. I want to be hopefull. ugh...I should wait till mornig when Ive slep...right now Im not even making sense to myself. Or spelling anything correctly. Is it wrong to need someone? sigh....goodnight

[kyle505]

I have to tell you, you are an inspiration. You are 13 days clean, dealing with what life is putting in front of you now, and you have the wisdom to come here and look for support. I'm new, finishing my 8th day, so have nothing to offer other than a thank you for posting and inspiring me...By doing so you have helped me along the road to my day 13, and beyond. Thank you.

[Addicted2long]

Hey gurl..I here u about the depression it is awful I know. But you have come so far and what u feel right now is not really what sober life feels like. Your brain is just still healing and i promise you that it will get better soon. U have got to keep busy and push yourself so hard. The more u think about it and be down the worse it will be. Relationships are tough and have always been a huge trigger and cause of my drug use
U have to realize that u are a good person and he loves YOU. But in order to get back to that person u need to be strong and pull thru this. J wouldn't lie to u in 2 more weeks ull be laughing about simple things in life and feeling great. Ur at the hardest mental part there is. 2 weeks is huge nd ur almost there babe keep it up and talk to us when u need us. I've been there a zillion times and i still battle depression but pills do not help as u said urself they make it worse.

[lulu747]

Hi...
Congratulations on 13 days...Awesome work.  Listen-I hear you struggling and I hear your pain and I just wanted to say a small thing.  We are only responsible for our own happiness.  All we have are the choices that we make.  What do you think you can do for YOUR recovery?  Are you doing any form of aftercare?  Exercise? There are a lot of feelings that come up when you stop numbing yourself with drugs...and you need a safe and supportive place to deal with them...This can be many different things.  Just hang in there...If you take care of yourself the rest takes care of itself....Patience is key.  Be kind to yourself and keep on posting....Lu