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Avatar universal

So Rudely treated because of addiction

I need to vent.  

Last night at a family function, my sisters husband ,who abhors addiction and addicts, treated me with such discust.  He has heard about my recent relapse with pills and made sure he stayed at least ten feet away from me.  He wouldnt even be in the same room as me, and when he saw me, turned away and would leave the room I was physically in.  He treated me like a leaper.  I didnt react to it last night but today is a different story.  Whenever I think about what happened I break out in tears.  He is so ignorant.

42 Responses
Avatar universal
I am so sorry you had to go through that...I hate to hear things like this!!!  I am sure this person has something in his closet also, as i beleive everyone has faults of some kind...Please dont' worry about your relapse and just keep trying and BE PROUD OF YOURSELF....We are here to listen to you vent anytime!!!
merry christmas and try to think of happy thoughts., hugs
r2r
Avatar universal
Not surprised at all.  R2r has it right.  Unfortunately, it is the ones who live in glass houses who are the first to pick up rocks to throw at someone who reminds them of their own hidden life.   Jesus said "Let him who is without sin be the first to cast a stone."  When people like this pick up their 'stone' , it is actually laughable.  Hope you can get to the point of seeing the humor in his actions and lose the anger.  He is pathetic - don't allow him to steal your joy.
Avatar universal
Wow.  Loved what you had to say.  Especially the religious part.  You and R2r helped me see this in a different light, and I thank you!!  

njshar
Avatar universal
SO glad we could help...OChooked (OChealed)  VERY good post !!!!  Like she said --Don't Allow someone like that to steal your joy!!!
518798 tn?1295215879
I have been clean for almost a year, and in my opinion have made some major turn-arounds in my life.  Unfortunately, I still have family members who treat me like ****.  We were on a family vacation and my sister-in-law (my hubby's brother's wife) walked around holding the bag with her meds in it the entire time we were there.  Someone asked her what she was packing around, and she said "My meds, just don't want anything to happen to them".  You can imagine how upsetting that was.  It actually made me feel like I wanted to use again.  People can be so cruel and not realize that many times we relapse because of the way we are treated.  It hurt so deeply that I haven't gotten over it and I avoid her at all costs.  She was so quick to point out my faults but didn't stop to think about the fact that she has done some things that in God's eyes are just as bad.  

I am sorry that happened to you, and anytime you need to vent, I am here.

Susan
401095 tn?1351395370
ignore ignorance...selfish pig!  does he sdrink or take something for sleep?  probably not so he thinks he sits in a seat where he can judge...most have some problem if u know them well enuf..be it drinking..smoking,, sleep aids...sex..even people abuse!  maybe he is just that..a people abuser..ignore him and stay positive
684343 tn?1231434440
I to had a horrible experience..I have a cousin who doesn't like the fact that I went to rehab- and while at a family event we got into what i thought was a fake arguement, only for him to scream in front of all of my family "AT LEAST I DIDN'T GO TO REHAB,WHY DON'T U TAKE ANOTHER PILL". I tried to shrug it off but ended up in the bathroom crying... it ***** that we all here have went through so much, and in one instant a person can make you want to go back to using again. I had such a great Christmas other than that expierence, and I just prayed to got to give me the strenght to handle his stupidity...after all, I had the strength to quit, I can handle an idiot like him. Hang in there.
684343 tn?1231434440
I wasn't paying attention and typed "got" instead of God. My mistake.
Avatar universal
Hard truth- to the rest of the world we are cokeheads, pill poppers, junkies, all the names we have come to know and love. we and people like us are prolly the only ones that call us addicts. We live life being judged because of our addiction, and the only thing we can do is make sure we dont stoop to their level. for an in law to do this to you makes it hit home worse, trust me I know. But the best way to treat them is ta kill em with kindness. In my experience its funny as hell to be nice to the person treatin ya like a leper, and stay sober to make em eat their words!!!
Just member when ya do get clean time, and ya start to live life without dope, dont judge anyone hastily. not everyone that is still using is bad, they are just not as far along as you have become.
best of luck to ya, and dont let em make ya cry.... tha jus means they win!!
401095 tn?1351395370
agree with newmgt...u will win this and he will eat his words...stay on track...keep moving forward
306455 tn?1288865671
I have yet (YET!) to be treated like this, and can't even imagine how I will react if and when it does happen. I know right now, I'm really angry, reading these posts, and the reactions of these ignorant SOB's.  But everyone is right with the "those that live in glass houses.....". For such extreme attitudes, makes me wonder what they're hiding.  Are they afraid to get into a conversation about addiction for fear that you might recognise something in them?
Please don't let these people get to you. You are the better person!
Avatar universal
From a NON addicts point of view................

We do NOT understand it like u all do.  You have to keep that in mind.  See, this irritates me because addicts expect non addicts to understand that
* It isnt their fault (which i say is debatable)
* They want to be clean but cant
*They dont mean to hurt us
* They dont mean to blow all OUR money
And wow the list goes on and on and on and on

Addicts seriously expects people like me....to just understand what they are going thru and think  it is ok.  Well, if that is the case, then addicts NEED to understand where WE come from and how we DONT understand how u can serioulsy spend THAT MUCH MONEY on drugs when a car payment needs made.....that you can honestly LOOSE so many people close to you for a pill..................how u can end up in jail due to drugs...then get out and go BACK to that lifestyle.............how drugs can cost u custody of EVER seeing your child...and yet, u gotta take that pill.  Or shoot that sh!t.  Again, the list goes on and on.

I am not trying to hate. I love an addict.  I am just trying to make u understand it from our point of view.  

Trust me......there is so much that we have to understand and so many times we are forced to deal with the addiction and DONT WANT TO.

The fact that your brother in law was mean to u or ignored u isnt personal against u.  He probably has never had to be in the situation where someone he is in love with is an addict....thats number one.   Number two.....he doesnt understand anything about the addiction process.  

But, u need to see that side of it....
684343 tn?1231434440
I do not expect anyone to understand what I am going through, but i do expect them to have some compasion.. if they were sick, I would want to do anything I could to make them feel better. I would not want them to be sick.  For her brother in law to do that to her shows he has no compasion or sympathy at all, same with my cousin. there is a time and a place to express your concern, but that time is NOT at a family get together, or around Christmas. We are people to, we have feelings to.. and we do not expect anyone to feel what we are going through...It is our fault we are the way we are... I know I hurt alot of people, but that is one of the reasons I am trying to get better. Addiction is a disease we have to fight every day..and for someone not to care, is just plain ignorance.
Avatar universal
From both sides of the spectrum.............My Dad was addicted to Darvocet his whole life and was the posterboy for the "addict's behavior". Later on, in college, I BECAME VERY JUDGEMENTAL and blamed him for being an addict and breaking up our family. I ostrasized him totally. Then a few years later, I became addicted to Hydrocodone. I was so ashamed because I had been the typical ignorant shallow person mentioned above. The sad thing is, my Dad finally admitted to me he let the pills ruin his life and was so proud of me for standing up against it, I was too ashamed to mention my problem at that point. Two weeks later I decided to tell him and let him know that I understood what he went through......My Dad passed away in the meantime. So now I carry around all this guilt of being so harsh and judgemental.

What I'm saying is, if your strong enough you can learn to "OVERLOOK IGNORANCE". I know its easier said than done. I'm learning too, but at the same time I'm ready to B*TCH SLAP someone that will not at least take the time to do just a little homework on addiction before they shoot off their mouth. I get the occasional cold shoulder, and as you guys know on this forum, I like to express myself and I welcome the ignorant to argue when we have family gatherings but me at 6'6" 250 pounds it usually don't last. Just remember you are a good person. You didn't wake up one day and say "I THINK I'LL BECOME AN ADDICT TODAY".    PEACE........VANCE.
Avatar universal
Some people have an major addiction and it is worse than any pill addiction.

It's called Assssssholeness and there is no cure.

Tell them to eff off and move on.  It's your life, not theirs.
Avatar universal
Hun people like this are small minded and do not have the ability to understand things that they see as complex to them.
Hold your head up high and carry on with your recovery.
((HUGS))
Avatar universal
ROFLMAO!!!!! You go girl. that was a priceless diagnosis for such a real disease. (LOL) I am crying with laughter!!!  :)   :)





PG
Avatar universal
ROFLMAO!!!!! You go girl. that was a priceless diagnosis for such a real disease. (LOL) I am crying with laughter!!!  :)   :)





PG
Avatar universal
You laughed so hard you posted twice!

Seriously... I have no tolerance for mean people.  I would have (and will if it ever happens to me) gone OFF on someone had they treated me that way. Or at least said something snarky like, "At least I'm still pretty."  

Hee!
Avatar universal
I certainly hope  nobody above has the nerve to include me in as small minded people.  

Considering the BS i have gone thru about this addiction....and the money i have given to support my bf's addiction AND recovery....and the homework/research  i have done about being addicted to pain killers and heroin...i won't be considered small minded or close minded.

See, here is what i dont agree with and i am SORRY in advance if i hurt someone's feelings...But, im callin a spade a spade. You made comment up there that u expect them to have some type of compassion.....ok....compassion for what? compassion for your decisions that u made in life that obviously didnt pan out well or how u expected?

i understand there are about .000000000000000001% of people in this world who took pills, for example, because they honestly needed them.  then at some point became addicted....even then...i consider that to be physically dependent on pills...not addicted but for the sake of argument...we'll call them addicted.  and, if that is ANYONE on here...then u are in a different boat.  

MOST people  in the world that are addicted to pills, alcohol, cigarettes, etc.  are addicted because THEY chose to get drunk, smoke or wanna get high.   Doing it here and there wasnt enough....so they did it again. Then again. And again and again and again.  Next thing you know....boom--an addict is born.    That is the Case with MOST addicts.  

So, your brother n law NOT showing compassion to that....well, i mean, do u blame him really?  You must think of things unbiased.......from a completely neutral point of view.

I have read so many people's profiles on here.........and most people started messing with pills for fun.  ALOT of people on here shoot pills....or heroin....or snort them.  Crack me up that addiction is classified as a disease....or something as horrible as cancer.  Cancer. Think about that.  Freakin cancer gets in the same boat as snorting an oxy.  Seriously.  How many people do  u know with cancer that crush up their oxy's and inject them or snort them?  NONE.   At least i dont know of any.  And most people know someone who has or had cancer.   Not to mention.....alot of people who get cancer didnt bring it on themselves.  So, that's why people have compassion for the person in the room with cancer....that is dying...that never asked for this....perhaps never smoked and lived their life right.....vs....the person in the room who chose to  eat 40 hydrocodone, steal from their family members to support their drug habit, wouldn't get outta bed for alot of other holiday parties/family gatherings because they were dope sick and now .. all of a sudden...the addict wants to get sober AGAIN.....and the non addict is suppose to what? have compassion? think u are for real THIS time???  even tho u have been down this vicious path before of sober...then dirty....then clean...then dirty.  

Look--i COMMEND each and every person on here who is getting clean, wants to clean, is clean...whatever.  I think it is sooooo hard and i am so proud of every one of u.  And, i do live with an addict....who EVERYDAY battles the urges.....I just really want u to understand how it is from this side of the fence.  Ok?  I look at my boyfriend and i love him soooooooooo much, obviously. I think that is obvious to everyone on here....BUT, i also look at him with HATE because of the LIES he has told me...the money he has depleated me of...and stolen from me.....that bulls h i t i hear about how "i swear to god this time baby im done...blah blah blah"........

Again, im very proud of u if ur clean and stay that way.  That's awesome.  

Even tho im not an addict....i really do understand how it all works.  I have done my homework.  







684343 tn?1231434440
I am not taking back anything I said. I said Compassion, and I mean compassion. We are all trying to get better and for someone like you to come on here and say things like you say, sorta makes me wanna throw in the towel and use again. I mean what is the point if people are going to always treat us like s""t and not care? We all understand why we are the way we are, and we do not expect you to understand, but we all come on here for support. NOT for someone like you to come on here and bash us. Your boyfriend did bad things to you...we are not him. Take that up with him, not us. we are trying to get better and it is very hard when someone negative throws all hope out the window. thanks for that.
Avatar universal
First of all......i never bashed u.  When did i bash you?  I am telling you from a NON addicts POINT of view why we are NOT compassionate...as u may want us to be...to an addict who is trying to stay clean.

Secondly, you are right...u never personally hurt me. My boyfriend did.  But, i will bet my life's paychecks that MOST people on here have hurt, lied to, stolen from or lislead the non addicts in their life in order for them to get their hands on ther drug of choice or money for their drug of choice.

Thirdly, I never told u not to have an opinion.  Therefore....i am not asking u to "take back what u said"  I said do not  include me in the small minded category....JUST because i am not struggling everyday with an addiction doesnt mean i am close minded about addictions.  

Next....if me stating to u that u need to understand addiction from a NON addicts point of view is gonna make u "throw the towel in" and use again....well, that is sad.  

Why is it  YOU are saying that YOUR brother in law needs to understand/have compassion for YOU, the addict...yet, u CANNOT understand his point of view, the non addict? it is the same logic...only reversed.    

I talk to people everyday on here who are my friends.  Who are addicted. Or trying to beat addiction.  My dad is laying in I.C.U.  THIS VERY SECOND dying from guess what?  Alcoholism.

Please, please do not act like at all for a second that i dont get it and that i bash people like u.  please.  liscamdave, cattalina and many others on here have been amazing friends who have helped me further understand what my bf goes thru daily.  They are HUGE recovering addicts that i adore. the idea that u think i would Bash anyone with an addiction is stupid.
Avatar universal
Again,  one more time...............i didnt knock addiction.

Im saying Addicts need to understand a non addicts point of view and why the non addict is not compassionate, lacks feelings of "poor u" and may treat u differently.  

If you are expecting a non addict to see ur point of view, then you need to see their point of view.  

684343 tn?1231434440
This forum is not for fighting...so I am going to appologize. Maybe I was being one sided, I have no idea...I am very argumentative lately and sometimes I have no idea why. it is frustrating and sad all at the same time.

I am going through a hell of alot right now...and I have alot on my mind. I do not need to be arguing with someone I do not know. In one hour, i will be going to a family Christmas, where there will be 5 people, who I used to get pills from. They still use, and one of them is pregnant, and they are going because we do not get along...they havent been to a family Christmas in 5 years. I am scared to death right now, but feel i still need to go, I havent seen most of this family since last year. I am sorry if i was attacking you. Like I said I am very nervous and scared.
Again, I am sorry.
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