So disappointed

[thewaz]

For those of you following me - thewaz -  you have guided me through the beginning of my new life.  I seriously could not have gotten this far without you.  I woke this morning 3 1/2 days in feeling like I was over the worst.  Then 2 hours ago I got SLAMMED.  Worst yet.  I will have completely 4 full days at 3 pm today.  I have a major and important project I need to work on today  and I can't think.  Treadmill for only 10 minutes, hot shower, tons of vitamins, eating toast right now (first food since Friday).  But today?  D@MN.  

[ladybug97]

I am on day 6, and it has gotten alot better, I am actually up and cleaning house, but who knows when the get up and go, will get up and go, trying for one thing at a time. The urges has past, I do not think of pills, like I did in the beginning. We can do this, Stay Positive  

[thewaz]

Can you feel my smile?  waz

[wransomejr]

Hello. I'm at two weeks and a few days. I detoxed last year from a Tramadol addiction of two years and it was pure he//! I'd been reading it was worse than standard opiates. After a few months clean time I did what someone above said. I thought "one pill won't hurt." So I went to the dealer and got three Hydros. The next week I did that twice. Well here I am again. I'm a lot like you - I can stay positive and this detox was not as bad as my Tramadol detox. However, I'm struggling with the same head games as before and they are worse this time. I'm about to turn 50 a week from today, and I really don't want to dissapoint myself or my loved ones again, so I am spending a lot of time at our lakehouse. I mow grass, I swing-blade the hill. I plant flower pots. I am a musician and I don't have the energy or desire to practice my craft right now, but I hope my head starts getting better soon. You are being advised by some wonderful people. When they say guard your sobriety and things like aftercare (counseling, N/A) listen to them. If the mind games get to you and you touch a pill get to a N/A meeting ASAP. I have gotten started with the process at our local mental health center but I really think experiencing at least a N/A meetings is important. I did that before and need to do it now but I am enjoying my solitude. That will end soon as I have a big birthday party being given by work and I really don't want to go...hopefully like most work stress it will be fine once I get there just dread going! You are doing well just guard your sobriety and if you do slip get back on the wagon quickly and don't look back. Love...

[thewaz]

Thinking of you today. How's your journey?  I complete day 5 at 3 pm today.  Yesterday was a living hell.  I've been up since one but was able to get a few hours sleep.  I just took a walk around the block in my pajamas ; ).  Figured if anyone was up and about at 4 am they would just think that crazy neighbor is out being crazy again.  Let's hold on to each other.  Let me know how you are.  If you want, come on over in your pjs and we'll go strollin'

[thewaz]

Well Vicki....I'm less than 12 hours out from completing day 5.  Thank you, again, for pushing me to nourish myself. Yesterday..3 Ensures, 2 bananas and one big kick butt chocolate malt.  I've been up since one which just stinks but I've already had an ensure and a banana.  For some reason a bowl of cereal sounds good so in a bit i'm going to give that a try.

For any of you reading this and close to the same timeline as me, nourish your body.  Your body can't heal if you don't feed it.  I can't eat yet but Vicki gave me options that worked.  If you love chocolate like me (which, btw, helps to increase endorphines) Ensure really has some yummy chocolate flavors.

[kyle505]

My thanks to you. It is good for me to read your posts. Your situation is very similar to mine, and, your positive attitude is similar to the way I handled my detox - the only way I knew how. Humor, albeit a bit dark at times, really helped. I'm going to keep watching your posts; I plan to be congratulating you on days 7, 14, 21, 30, 60, 90, 120, etc., etc., etc.

[thewaz]

Thank you so much Kyle.  If that's what I need to do next, I can do it.  In fact, after 3 Ensures,  I feel a little bit of strength to go outside on this perfect spring day and dig in my garden.  Like yesterday I may only pull two weeds but I need to stay busy.  Your support and advice is great!

[kyle505]

P.S. - just read your last post....after days four and five, you'll physically feel better, not "normal" quite yet, but better. IF you stay clean, exercise, eat healthy, and get some aftercare, you'll see positive results daily, even on bad days (such is life). You may have a great day, then a not so great day, but keep going. This is also the time to pay attention to the games your head will start playing; be aware of the temptation - the message I received the most during day six, seven, etc., was "what will one pill hurt? People go to parties and have a couple of drinks; what's the difference? Just one..."  The longer you are clean, the better you can deal with the mental aspect of recovery.
Anyway, that's my experience...

[kyle505]

thewaz:
Well, you're in good hands. I'm at day 134 and wouldn't have made it without Vicki's support and advice. The Ensure saved me - got me through until I was able to handle real food. Once I started eating, and I ate LOTS of healthy food, things turned around almost immediately, and feeling better physically allowed me to handle the mental games of detox easier.
You are almost there - you won't believe the positive changes that will be taking place during the next few days.  Keep posting. Life without pills is great - that's a promise.

[thewaz]

Thanks Renee.  I'm exactly at day 4 20 minutes ago.  So I suppose you and I are over the worst???  that seems to be the common thread - 3-5 days are worst.  But then what?  What happens on day 6 or 9?  I had goals for these five days and knew exactly what to expect and trust me, none of the possibilities passed me by.

What's next?

[ladybug97]

I am on day 4 and believe me you will have days some better, and then whamo it is back, Just stay strong, and try to keep your mind occupied with positive thoughts,, Good luck  Renee

[Fireby29]

Hang in there the waz!!  Your almost past the worst of the detox, then come the long haul of healing that brain.  You can do it!  It sounds like your doing what you need to minimize it as much as you can.  I am on day 20, and the energy starts to come back, I promise.  Hang in there!

Bryan

[thewaz]

Okay..I bow to your knowledge. Downed two Ensures and ate one banana.  Took ANOTHER hot bath and I don't feel like I'm going to die at the moment.  Thanks Vicki!  Actually it was a more powerful hit than any freaking Vicodin.  

much love

[minn66]

You don't have to eat crackers, broth is good, and so are bananas. Eat whatever sounds good to you.

Hugs,

Minn

[vicki595]

The bananas will help that restless feeling and so will the Epsom salt baths. Youll be surprised just how much!

[thewaz]

Ok Minn...I'm not sure crackers are ready for me or the other way around.  the thought of actually chewing something makes me..well YOU KNOW.  However I'm excited it's working for you.  I know I need some nutrition.  Not to mention all these vitamins with no food are causing havoc with my already messed up stomach!

Let's do this together!

[minn66]

Hey, you have to find something positive so hey, at least you are losing weight! I hope you are smiling right now. I am having trouble eating, too, due to anxiety, but together we can do this, okay? Don't lose that positive thinking! I'm eating some crackers, now your turn ;)

Hugs, you can do this!

Minn

[thewaz]

Ensure Boost, chocolate of course, and bananas (I crave that) are on the way. Thanks for pushing me to make this happen. I would have just gotten to it when I felt I could.  I just wish I could stay still for more than 5 freaking minutes to get some rest.

On the upside, this sure is helping me lose that 20 pound goal I have for my class reunion in July ; ).  Sorry..have to find something to laugh at in this dark  hole.

You're great Vicki! mad love xoxoxoxo

[vicki595]

Finally!! lol...

[thewaz]

I adore your comment.  Actually laughing.  Thanks 'mom".  Ok.....yes.  I have someone I can call.  I'll go with Ensure Boost as that's what I would feed my mom in her last months.  Vicki..you are an angel.  Here we go.  I'll report in later.  

[vicki595]

You need to,get those things NOW, my friend. You haven't eaten properly for
Four and one half days!
Can someone run to the store for you? Be sure to get ensure or boost and not energy drinks.  I don't mean to be bossy but you'll feel so much better once you drink a few of those...

[thewaz]

thanks, as always, to all of you.  I'm in a really dark place at the moment.  No strength AT ALL.  Typing this is laborious.  However as soon as I can I'll go get some protein shakes, epsom salts, etc.  All you've suggested.

My insane love to you all!!!

[smiles4eva]

I have been following you also and you are doing amazing.  Sorry you have so much on your plate at work. Tell yourself you can think and get that project done :)

[vicki595]

Hi-  I've followed your posts and you've been doing great attitude wise. But, you need to EAT.  It's the reason why you can't think right now. Especially during detox, we need all the nutrition we can get! Detox requires a lot of cellular energy so it needs to be supported.

If you can't stand the idea of food, talk to your therapist about it. In the meantime, get some Ensure Plus and drink a few of those. Be sure to take in plenty of water, also. You need to do this.

The Epsom salts are great. Definitely do that...drug stores sell it and it's cheap!

Be sure you're getting enough magnesium and potassium. It helps your muscles and nervous system.

Food is fuel, you know that! And go easy on caffeine...

Hope this helps...I'm cheering for you!