Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

So hurt, I want to take the bottle

I'm not sure if I still belong on this cite after the Dr. today??? I so sad cause now I don't know where I'm at or where I belong??? I'm on my 11th day on my own cut down from 300+ mg Oxy to 30 mg daily. I'm almost completely over the hard wd stage just kind of comes and goes not constant anymore. Today I had a Dr. appt scheduled from last month. So I went to be honest with my Dr. of 26 yrs and let him know what I was doing. I've hated lying to him,the past year and need to come clean. I thought he would be happy I made this choice for myself and willing to try and deal with my pain.  We talked, I answered questions, he went over chart, then said I can't do that. I started bawling I'm so hurt I thought I was doing good. He gave me the choice either in-patient rehab to be medically watched or his way on his terms. He made me go back up to 120 mg a day like originally prescribed for a month because my blood pressure was to high and my history of depression. I don't want to go through this **** again!!! I feel all is lost 11 days for what? Nothing!! It's not fair or right for me to act like I can relate with anyone on here taking that much, it not fair to you all. I should of never stopped to begin with just kept going on my OD pattern. .I try (and was doing) something for me to just be pushed down again.I don't know if I want to throw away the bottle or take it all. F it!!!!
8 Responses
6063300 tn?1430430571
Please calm down and do not take the whole bottle!!!! We are here for you!!
I really dont know what to say about what your dr is telling you...if you are doing ok at 30mg why go back up? Are you on any BP meds? Please do not give up!!!!
Avatar universal
No on BP meds but already on Xanax and been on and off depression/anxiety meds most my adult life.. He wanted in-patient but knows I have no one for my child nor the $. So he's "working" with me. I was taking 300+ mg instead of prescribed 120 mg and he wants to see if I have self control. He said that's a cut of half what I've been doing. To level me off then if I can do it and not take more I can cut another 1/2 next month. This was only support group I had now I feel guilty even being on here.
Avatar universal
I was in a similar situation where my doctor knew I was addicted and kept prescribing me narcotics. I didn't want to quit at the time but somehow he lost his license and I was completely cut off. Went to dealers after that. Then I went to a new doctor who was trying to help with subs. Although not the best choice. If you really want to stop, maybe a change to a good doc who understands addiction would be good for you. Please don't take the whole bottle! The world is a better place with you in it! With all of us..  
Avatar universal
Hi there!! Don't ever feel guilty about coming on here and seeking support, everyone on this forum wants you here, we all care about you!!  It seems strange that your doctor would want you to take any if your 11 days clean. Personally I'd either seek a second opinion or flush the script. You've come so far, and this will only set you back. Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!~Sherry
Avatar universal
I'm sorry I just read that your on 30 mg a day now, (my bad). But I still think it would set you back if you start back on the 120mg a day. Whatever you choose, I wish ya luck!~Sherry
6063300 tn?1430430571
You need another dr! obviously you have no self control if you are taking more than you should of been...Not being hard on you we have all been there! None of us have self control if we did we would not be addicts! Please stay on here we are here for you and do not want you to go threw this alone! But I would consult another dr and get a second opinion...you asked him for help and were honest with him!  
Avatar universal
I agree with everyone, your doc, seems to me would want to help rather than treat you ugly like that. I would find another doc. Keep on here we are all here for support.
god bless you
Avatar universal
Aw sweetie, I'm sorry that doctor made you feel like crap.  Just because they have the initials "M.D." after their name, it doesn't necessarily mean they are intelligent or good at their jobs.  

My first husband was a doctor, at an HMO in the 1980's.  We hung around with all the other doctors and I could not BELIEVE how many of them were just morons, stupid, arrogant, some had mental health issues that made me wonder if they should have been caring for sick people.  

You didn't throw away 11 days;  you did GOOD!  Stay here with us.  I've had doctors make me cry, put me down, give me flat-out BAD advice, etc.  

Maybe its time you worked with a doctor who specializes in addiction.  Every physician takes an oath "First Do No Harm."   Your guy failed that one big time.    Doctors are not God...they're just people with medical opinions (that's why they call it the "PRACTICE" of medicine.)

Don't give up...the road to recovery can be bumpy and full of unexpected twists and turns, but you've got your eye on the prize, and you will make it--I'm positive!!

Prayers going out to you, hon.  Hugs, -Robin
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