CONGRATS ON BEING SOBER!!
God I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I'm not. If I remember correctly, Stadol is the Nasal Spray........ I have been on vicodin and probably about 160mg of oxycontin for the last couple of years, I have improved a lot over the last 5 months, now I'm sober more then I am high, which is a great thing, I'm starting to slip a little, but I have to keep my head up. Anyway, I to have noticed at points a lack of blatter control. I"m a male.......so let me add a little humor to this. Example: I would go to the urinal go to the bathroom, zip up my pants when I thought I was finished only to have th most annoying drops of pee rub up against my pant leg, it is awful!!!!!!!! although i haven't noticed it as much, I believe any pain medication will definitely have a direct relationship with the blatter. It would only make sense seeing that when your too high you can't pee and then when your coming down you can't control your bladder to the best of your ability........I hope this helps a little, the best of luck and keep up the hard work.
You might want to go to www.google.com and type in "Side effects of Stadol." GOod luck.
don't take this the wrong way, but I have noticed some of the negative posts you have written, I can't figure if your trying to come across as a parental figure or if your just yelling........ why is it that you post here if you don't abuse any drugs or drink??? I"m just curious, I'm not angry, I'm just interested.
i guess i'm kind of curious like GWH. you seem to have a large
hunk of something on your shoulder. are you co-dependent? i'm
not the most tactful person who ever will address you but *a
little bit of honey will draw a lot more flys than vineager!*
i've found that some days my attitude is my biggest problem.
keep posting and keep an angel on your shoulder
Ok, I have something to share.
I was a bit reluctant to say what I'm about to say, due to recent difficulties on this board, but as Schlub so often reminds us, we are as sick as our secrets. It was this board that helped me get clean and it is this board that will help me stay clean.
Yesterday I came within moments of relapse, but didn't take the pills.
After a couples therapy session with my husband, which broke open the major painful issue in our 12 marriage, we had one of those all night, crying yelling screaming destructive fights.
I came to work the next day but had to go home early, as there was no way I could focus.
I felt so utterly hopeless, and isolated and ashamed.
I picked up the bottle of pills I still have and was so tempted to take some. I knew that temporary emotional relief of my pain was just moments away. I even had the pills in my hand.
I prayed and cried. Why the hell I didn't get on the phone to one of my addict friends is beyond me. I didn't even think of it. In that state of mind I'm not thinking clearly obviously.
After a few minutes of playing with the idea of taking them I put them back in the bottle and went to sleep instead. I was shaking with fear. It was my 7th monthaversary of being clean yesterday. I reminded myself of how horrible my life was when I was a slave to those pills. I used those pills to dull the pain of the marriage issues (hubbie wants to have an open marriage, I don't, it hurts, lots).
I am embarrased that I came that close, but I also know that if I keep it a secret, I will be more likely to succumb to it next time I get tempted. I haven't even had a craving in ages, so this shocked me.
I also feel ashamed that I was afraid to tell you guys how close I came to relapse. I was afraid that those here who don't like me would be unsupportive, or that I"d disappoint those here who may like me and may even gain some hope from me at times. But the hell with it. I have to be honest. I need you guys. I want to stay clean, pain or no pain. I have to have a clear head to be able to make marriage decisions. And just one pill would turn into a mountain of them, I know.
So, thank you for being a place I can come to talk about this, and for being there in general. I need all of you to stay on the path of freedom. And I also need to throw away that damn bottle of pills.
ya can't get to heaven without walking through hell...you've
walked there long enough...you don't belong there anymore.
turn 7 months into 8 - i dare you!
keeping angel on your shoulder?
wow you really got me off-guard but hey thats ok by me.the point
here is we all have a past, a present, and a future. i promise i
will never judge you as an addict. straight, clean, on the nod
strung out, turning blue we have all come through the same needle.
as one who has a past full of transgressions (to say the least),
how could i judge anyones addiction? did you know the part of you that is most worthwhile is the part that never was or will be an
addict? addiction is a sidebar in your life, period. i do agree
with you ditching the pills (flush em down the toliet, i have.) see
the addict in me wants to communicate *that it's a whole lot easier
to avoid temptation than it is to resist it!!* but there is a whole
lot more of you than what almost took some pills. stay focused,
call me or anyone else....see i don't want this forum to lose the
part of you that is not an addict!
i mean it about calling someone
oh yeah - get the angel on your shoulder
Thanks my friend..your words mean a lot.
Did you get my email from a few days ago? I am not even sure I have your correct email address.
I'll flush the pills tonight as soon as I get home today.
I have had them since detoxing. I had even more actually but a full, sealed bottle of 100 vicoprofen got stolen a few months ago. I noticed when I went to the medicine closet to get my claritin one day. I chalked that up to my karma for having raided other people's medicine cabinets myself over the years. Not something I'm proud of, but I did it a few times.
My rational, and my hubbies rational for keeping them is that we live in Earthquake country, and what if one of us or a neighbor gets seriously hurt in an earthquake and there is no access to meds that could help.
I've gone along with that, but that is not a good enough reason to put my recovery at risk anymore. Yesterday really scared me.
I need that angel! Thanks for being there.
You didn't do it and that's what counts. Sometimes instead of one day at a time, it becomes one minute at a time or one second at a time. I was going to ask you why you had the pills in the first place but then read you were going to throw them out. Good call. Of course, I'm sitting here with a refrigerator full of beer from a party I had at Xmas. I need to follow my own advice. I keep thinking I'll have some people over and let them drink it up rather than waste it. How's that for rationalization?
Weren't you going to check out NA? Did you ever do it? If nothing else, you'll get lots of phone numbers for times of crisis.
Just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you today. It certainly makes more sense to focus on what you did not do rather than on what you considered doing. And, cravings surely do not make you any less of a success.
Keep the Faith!!
Amen, Cindi. Principles before personalities. We'll do anything to keep each other clean. And we're all only one pill or one drink away from active addiction so we need this support. From everyone for everyone. Most of us know what it's like to relapse and so far, WW has not had that painful experience. And I would do anything within my power to make sure she never does.
NO, I have no hunk on my shoulder, nor am I trying to be condesending in any way. I'm sorry if I come off like that. I used to be addicted to every drug known to man and I am recently clean. Sorry if you all took anything the wrong way. Maybe it's just the words that I use that sound overbearing or "parental." I'll try and be more polite. I've just been through alot of the same stuff you guys are going through now and I want to help. Maybe it's tough love? haha Anyways, sorry about that.
Hey, remember me? you are the one I admire!!! You are the one I am going to be in 6 months!!! After 20 years of this HELL-- and with my slow withdrawal this time with the help of the Bup,which I belive to be my saving grace, I will, with the help of God, my family and my own willpower be totaly drug free!!
I agree with Skipper, get rid of any temptation, I KNOW there would be NO way I would stay clean if there were as much as a
ty-3 in the house! That's like an alcoholic keeping a bottle of his favorite booze on the kitchen table. WHY tempt yourself?
I guess there will always be urges that we will have to fight--maybe even 10 years from now that urge will hit you when you're weak and not up to fighting the battle--BUT YOU CAN DO IT! you have said you have a great support group, which is something I need to find, and there is always this forum. I've been too busy to post in the last week, but trust me I read what you guys post everyday--and that is MY daily dose of encouregment!
Bless you all, everyone of you is special--keep the faith
hi everyone - sorry to hijack this thread, but my email isn't working, and i needed to share something with schlub...and whoever else is interested. i told my husband everything about relapsing and how completely desperate i felt. we decided i should hop on a plane (which i did monday) and go to this clinic in fl which helps people detox (outpatient) with buprenex. you go to him 2 days in a row, and then he sets you up with a schedule of buprenex, which you taper off of for approx a period of 7 weeks. he was such a great dr., and he explained to me (as no one has before) what has happened to my brain from abusing opiates and exactly what he will do to repair the damage. using his program helps repair the damage much more quickly than if you were to quick cold turkey. amino acids are also part of it, so some of the medical community agrees with thomas' recipe.
i am so thankful and relieved that i have done this. thanks to this forum, i was able to come clean with my husband who couldn't have been more supportive. thru my drug addiction of the past 2 years, i have managed to **** away much of our savings. so, the fact that he was willing to spend the money for me to go to fl, was something i wasn't even prepared to dream about....just like schlub says, it's our secrets that kill us. AND, people will surprise you when you let yourself be vulnerable and honest. sorry this is so long, but THANK YOU schlub for all your advice and for telling me about this clinic in fl - i hope you are still doing ok - peace everyone!!!!
As Karen said, you didn't do it, and that's what counts, can I ask you have you ever decided on 12 step groups? not that that is the answer for everyone but for some people they do help..You above all people should know that the underlying reason for wanting to us is what really has to be adressed. Using won't make the problem go away. the marriage problems will still be there and the 2 or 4 pills will escalate and not only will your problems be the pills once again but everything else will snowball and you'll be back to square 0ne. We have watched you come a long way,,and give out advice and be there for others, WW, you are human..and you are an addict..you slip...but this time you caught yourself before you fell..first of all get rid of the pills..and get back up and move forward..and why should we, on any board judge you why should we? we are all in this togehter, That's not we are about..we don't judge,,no matter what you may think we are all here for each other,, putting any differences aside that any of us may have had,,and to help each other,,offer support and..encouragment.our faiths are very different but still i will keep you in my pryers and thoughts. love,
Don't sweat it, I thought you had never tried drugs and you were just venting about how dumb we all were, its hard to interpret over the computer, i appreciate the post. Thanks again, and keep posting.
first of all allow me to welcome you to this forum. ther will al-
ways be room for just one more addict here! please accept my appol-
ogy for my less than friendly and helpful words. i believe that the
addicts on this forum should support each other as no one else is
going to. sarcasm has it's place, just not what i thoughtlesly sent
your way. please forgive my !!
keep posting and keep an angel on your shoulder!
Kip my friend, what other choice did you have? You have a very serious neck condition that causes unrelenting pain, and you did the right thing.
My friend, for all the supportive kind words you say to me, including yesterday's words of never judging me no matter where I am in my addiction..I have to hold up a mirror and pray that those same words bounce back to you. Please don't judge yourself. Love yourself. No one is more worthy of love and acceptance than you. Hell, we are *all* worthy of love and acceptance. But you give so much to so many..please save some of that endless acceptance and compassion for yourself.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers, always.
Wow, ok here I am at work waiting for my first client and having to redo my mascara from crying after reading your caring, supportive posts.
Thank you. Thank you for being able to put the history behind and just being there for me and saying the exact things that I needed to hear to stay on my path. Thank you for caring, no matter what.
I did flush the pills, and didn't take any. Last night I actually was not even tempted to take any. I just wanted them out of my house. They felt like the Devil to me.
Yes, I was going to check out NA, but never did. Still the same old excuses..mostly fear that my clients will see me there. I want to find a group that is just for therapists, I know they exists, I just need to put more energy into finding them.
I'm still very depressed. I went to bed at 7pm last night and slept through till 6. My husband is not reaching out like I want him to, but I know what it is like to be around a depressed person and feel helpless to pull them out of it..but still...a soft touch, a 'hey do you want to talk' would help.
But that is all part of the problem.
This whole issue of nonmongamny is what began my addiction to begin with. It's a long, long story, but the bottom line is that it hurts like hell, and the false euphoria of narcotics was the only thing that ever dulled the pain enough to keep me functioning. Ha. Functioning! As if addicted living was functioning. Who was I trying to fool? Just myself, I guess.
Again, thank you for being there. I'll turn those 7 months into 8, I promise.
I love you all, and I need you all.
sometimes the best laid plans....istarted a detox that i intended
to last until next tuesday. well i really and literally fell off
the cart, so to speak. this morning i was at the pool a work. i had a decent, but somehow odd swimm. i did my nonstop mile a little slower than usual. i attributed this to my stomach being shredded by 800mgs. of motrin. well i saw it (my swim) to its completion. now i usually have to sit for a minute to let my head clear from all the endorphines i generate while swimming. as i was sitting on the side of the pool admireing the perfect stroke and utter grace of the swimmer in the lane next to mine. i turned my head a little too far to check out this young woman's flip turns. they were absolutely perfect. well i felt a pop and a crunch in my neck. these noises happen a lot, so i didn't pay it any mind. i stood up and started walking alongthe movale bulkhead to the pool deck. i felt a very hot sharp wave of pain from my neck that went all the way down to my finger tips. the next thing i knew a very small life quard was try to slide a rescue board un -der me. i guess i passed out and fell into the other side of the bulkhead. fortuneately, the small space wasn't being used by the aqua exersise group. i can't even describe the embaresment and
pain i felt. i finally made it back to the locker room. the swimm coach in charge today knows of my spinal pain and associated problems with my my neck problems. i guess he is going to try to slip buy without filing the required "incident report." something
like this could get me banned fro use of the pool. i went back
into the locker room somehow got dressed and drove home. i had a
small stash of oxy my wife had hidden for emergencys... well i'm
back on (at least for today). i'm really discouraged and angry at
myself for not being able to ride this detox out to he day i had
set. oh well the beat laid plans of an addict. sometimes it feels
as if disapointment is the only way i interreact with myself. no
tears though, just a grim determination to do beter next time. i
really feel as if i've let myself and a whole bunch of other
people down. ****, ****, ****! i am so digusted and disapointed
with myself. now i'm half jacked on **** (dope) and right back at
square one. has anyone else been having this kindda of stuff seem
to sabotage the few good intentions that they try? oh well, i
guess tomarrow is another day....
keep the angel on your shoulder
PS i doubt anyone thought i was perfect, but if they did i guess
i set them straight....hell i'm just a **** up
WW--I just wanted to tell you that I really feel for you regarding the difficulties in your marriage and my thoughts are with you. I too have used the opiates as an outlet for a troubled marriage--it has kept me "functioning" in it just as you related. But I too am coming to realize that just isn't the way. And I am totally impressed and astounded and amazed that you have had drugs in your houase and haven't taken them! WOW! But I also think it is great you went ahead and got rid of them--that took some amazing strength--strength I'm not sure I would have had (I pretty well know I would NOT have had). But you are obviously a very strong person and your strength has really helped me in numerous ways.
Kip--I know you had to have been so disheartened but you know you have real true severe health problems--you should not allow yourself to feel like you have somehow failed anything. It seems you have such a certain level of peace within you that really nurtures so many of us and with such pain, you did the right thing to take the meds--hey! You're only human... with or without that angel. :) Stay cool; you're okay.
Wow i cant believe you can be so strong as to have the botle of pills in your hand and have a craving and not to tke any, wow if i had the strenght maybe i could put all this **** behind me , i have only posted a couple of times but i cannot quit i believe now that i may never get through this , i just cant stop using.
Don't worry about it, Skip. You're doing great-- 5-6 days of detoxing from OXY is excellent. I have an Aunt who can't go more than 6 hours without her MORPHINE. If she takes a high enough dose, she'll pass out on the couch, and as soon as she wakes up, and can walk again, it's right back to the pill bottle. I REALLY worry about her. I sent her the link to this forum, but I found that it is of little use as she can't use her computer anymore because it's too "Confusing." this from a lady who helped build a multi-million dollar High tech company. She really DOES need some pain relief, but I wish she could do what you do (Checking your real pain level by going without the heavy meds once per month)-- but unfortunately, she doesn't have it in her. that's what I really admire about you.... Even though you seem to have access to any drugs you require, you STILL PORPOSELY SUFFER to find out where you are in physical recovery.
From a former ALKIE and current semi-Junkie (Ultram)--
Keep the angel on the right hand side!
Sorry to butt in!!!!
I'm having a big change going on in my life, starting very soon.
My doctor was arrested two-days ago, and this is a better time than any to clean up!
There's no way we can afford the pills on the street, and can't make it solely with my husband's script alone.
This is the end, and it's long overdue.
I'm scared to death, wondering how awful withdrawal is going to be.
I'm going to try some buph, and anything else i can get my hands on and try to get through it.
I can't take time off of work, i still have to take care of my three children, so basically, wish me a lot of luck!!!!
I'm know i'm strong and i know i have a lot of determination, and i need to do this, so that's what's going to be done.
I couldn't even fill my valium script because my dr's license was pulled, so now i have a script for 90 v's, and it's no good.
I still have some V's, but i don't know if it's enough.
Why didn't i fill the darn thing last week when it could have been refilled (****!!!)
Anyway, wish me luck and wish my hubby luck too!
Please say a prayer!!! :)