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Starting Over
Hello all!
So, I started posting here about 3 weeks ago on Day 4 of my withdrawal. Some have noticed that I stopped posting at Day 5. Reason being, I relapsed. I was so ashamed, yet couldn't stop using. I just kept telling myself, just a few more to get me through the work week than on my 2 days off, get off again. Well, that didn't happen. Finally, from the support and encouragement of 2 really good friends of mine here, I finally decided to make the jump. Here I am today on Day 3 and like I continue to mention...I feel great!!!!!!
I feel NO symptoms..none. I even have my energy. I owe it all to the vitamins and supplements someone continued to urge me to take. I'm so happy I took his advice, without it, I know I would be laying in bed right now and not willing to get up to do anything.
I have 2 beautiful little girls who are my world. They too are very sick right now. Both running fevers of 101-103. So in a way I think them being sick is a God-Send. It enabled me to take those extra days off of work just in case. Going to work the last time around was the main reason for my relapse. I just could not move my legs. It hurt like crazy! I have to be on my feet for 10-12 hours a day, 5 days a week. Most of them being double shifts. My boss is doing whatever he can to get me my hours during this crucial time. I'm so grateful that he values me as an employee. I look at my girls now and pray and thank God that I was able to get through this for THEM. Even though they don't know (aged 3 & 5), I know they are very proud of me. They see such a difference in me. I'm no longer pushing them away telling them I'll play later, I'm no longer refusing hugs and kisses and telling them later, right now I'm in tears thinking of the things I did to them while using. Now..I've done nothing but hug, hold, kiss, and play with them. Even though they aren't feeling well, I'm right next to their side declaring how much I love them. They are what I live for now, no longer for these pills. These pills ran my life for the last 2 years. NO MORE!
I know, I had so much confidence the last time around and declared the same thing, NO MORE, but at the time, I knew I NEEDED to quit, but quite wasn't ready to quit. I don't think I WANTED to quit. Now, you bet your bottom I do. I'm done with this and what they do to me.
I apologize to those who have tried to help me succeed, but I also thank those who have tried. Now to start this journey all over again...starting on Day 3, with Day 4 just a few hours away!
So, I started posting here about 3 weeks ago on Day 4 of my withdrawal. Some have noticed that I stopped posting at Day 5. Reason being, I relapsed. I was so ashamed, yet couldn't stop using. I just kept telling myself, just a few more to get me through the work week than on my 2 days off, get off again. Well, that didn't happen. Finally, from the support and encouragement of 2 really good friends of mine here, I finally decided to make the jump. Here I am today on Day 3 and like I continue to mention...I feel great!!!!!!
I feel NO symptoms..none. I even have my energy. I owe it all to the vitamins and supplements someone continued to urge me to take. I'm so happy I took his advice, without it, I know I would be laying in bed right now and not willing to get up to do anything.
I have 2 beautiful little girls who are my world. They too are very sick right now. Both running fevers of 101-103. So in a way I think them being sick is a God-Send. It enabled me to take those extra days off of work just in case. Going to work the last time around was the main reason for my relapse. I just could not move my legs. It hurt like crazy! I have to be on my feet for 10-12 hours a day, 5 days a week. Most of them being double shifts. My boss is doing whatever he can to get me my hours during this crucial time. I'm so grateful that he values me as an employee. I look at my girls now and pray and thank God that I was able to get through this for THEM. Even though they don't know (aged 3 & 5), I know they are very proud of me. They see such a difference in me. I'm no longer pushing them away telling them I'll play later, I'm no longer refusing hugs and kisses and telling them later, right now I'm in tears thinking of the things I did to them while using. Now..I've done nothing but hug, hold, kiss, and play with them. Even though they aren't feeling well, I'm right next to their side declaring how much I love them. They are what I live for now, no longer for these pills. These pills ran my life for the last 2 years. NO MORE!
I know, I had so much confidence the last time around and declared the same thing, NO MORE, but at the time, I knew I NEEDED to quit, but quite wasn't ready to quit. I don't think I WANTED to quit. Now, you bet your bottom I do. I'm done with this and what they do to me.
I apologize to those who have tried to help me succeed, but I also thank those who have tried. Now to start this journey all over again...starting on Day 3, with Day 4 just a few hours away!
I work at a fast food restaurant...around here, there are NO other jobs open. It's very demanding and fast paced, you have to stay on your feet dealing with people..ugh. Ha, the last time around, I almost threw a drink in someone's face for looking at me wrong! But, taking breaks just aren't an option. I'm going to try the restful legs thing and see if it works, or yes, I'll even grab some advil and see if that works. I'm willing to do anything at this point! Thank you!
Wow...I've had NOTHING but intense cravings all day! As soon as I would do something and that one would go away...then BAM...another one would hit. Keeping busy is something I'm doing, and trying to keep my mind busy, but for some reason it's still there in the back of my mind. It's like someone is telling me, come on, just one won't hurt. But I know it will. I'm terrified of going backwards, I know I'm stronger than this, but I just need to find something to replace these triggers. I know it's being in this house, in this room, it's where I used the most, but this is the only place I can be without actually having to leave. I don't know how to explain. I want to leave but then again don't. My girls are sick so we can't go to the park, and there really isn't anywhere else to go! I don't know, I'll figure something out! I made this far in the day combating my mind, I'm sure I can make it til night!
Maybe some advil for the leg pain. Even if doesn't work that much it may have a placebo affect? What do you do that you only get that short of a break!! Bless your heart you must be beat all the time. Maybe some new shoes, I sound like a dork. I am always trying to cure my husbands back problems with shoes, he just stares at me like really shoes are gonna make this go away. Well 200.00 later and yah it wasn't the shoes!! LOL
good luck
good luck
I'm pretty sure I'm past the physical withdrawal symptoms. The only thing I was feeling yesterday was the hot/cold flashes, but they started lessening up by the end of the day. Today I don't feel much but just a few hot flashes...no cold ones. The only place I'm sweating is under my arms lol! I took a nice hot shower this morning and started jogging in place while washing my hair haha! I'm trying to find anywhere to exercise! I'm back to work tomorrow....and well back to another long shift. Tomorrow I'm going to be working straight through 11am-12am. 11 hours....I'm hoping my legs can take that. That was the reason I relapsed in the first place. Actually, this is the exact same day I went back to work the last time. On Day 5. I just couldn't handle being on my feet for that long and how they felt. I don't get any breaks other than 1 10 minute break I'll take within the first 2 hours of being there. Usually, I'll get off at 2 to pick up my daughter from school, but she's not going to school tomorrow so I'll be working straight through until closing. He's trying to give me back some of the hours I lost in the past 2 days.
Hey Bob,
I do believe it is the vitamins making me feel this way. I did absolutely fine taking them yesterday! No queasiness at all. I'm a little nervous going back to work, today I felt that same tingling in my legs I felt the last time around. I took that Restful Legs thing just trying to see if it'll take it away and make it so I can walk around on them for a long period of time. I'm so afraid of going back to work and relapsing. Starting next week I'm going to be working 6 days a week. I NEED to get through this so I can function at work without worrying about how bad it feels to be on my feet. I'll be praying to God the whole time. I should be ok. This last time around, I made the mistake in taking a few opiates on Day 3 and 4, this time, none. Hopefully that'll make a difference! Now off to try and quit smoking cigs. Wow, if I can do that too, I'll be supermom haha! Thank you to the both of yoU!
Hey Bob,
I do believe it is the vitamins making me feel this way. I did absolutely fine taking them yesterday! No queasiness at all. I'm a little nervous going back to work, today I felt that same tingling in my legs I felt the last time around. I took that Restful Legs thing just trying to see if it'll take it away and make it so I can walk around on them for a long period of time. I'm so afraid of going back to work and relapsing. Starting next week I'm going to be working 6 days a week. I NEED to get through this so I can function at work without worrying about how bad it feels to be on my feet. I'll be praying to God the whole time. I should be ok. This last time around, I made the mistake in taking a few opiates on Day 3 and 4, this time, none. Hopefully that'll make a difference! Now off to try and quit smoking cigs. Wow, if I can do that too, I'll be supermom haha! Thank you to the both of yoU!
Wow can I relate to the pill story Diana.
I heard if you get right up and start running around singing YMCA at the top of your lungs, the cravings go away!!!! Let me know if it works!!!! I could use some help with that one TOO!!!
Seriously though, the keeping busy advice is the best on here. If the cravings come, don't sit there and think about them. Sneaky buggers have a way of eventually doing the devil on the shoulder routine. Chase them off with distraction and before you know it, you've made it another day.
Yes the vitamins do that. I find somedays about 30 minutes after taking them, it feels like I might see them again for about 5 minutes, then it passes.
Hope yours pass too, very happy to see the high spirits still. I know how hard this is Diana and I am so happy you're still in the game.
Hang in there, you are SOOOO worth it.
bob
I heard if you get right up and start running around singing YMCA at the top of your lungs, the cravings go away!!!! Let me know if it works!!!! I could use some help with that one TOO!!!
Seriously though, the keeping busy advice is the best on here. If the cravings come, don't sit there and think about them. Sneaky buggers have a way of eventually doing the devil on the shoulder routine. Chase them off with distraction and before you know it, you've made it another day.
Yes the vitamins do that. I find somedays about 30 minutes after taking them, it feels like I might see them again for about 5 minutes, then it passes.
Hope yours pass too, very happy to see the high spirits still. I know how hard this is Diana and I am so happy you're still in the game.
Hang in there, you are SOOOO worth it.
bob
ah, thats the mental thing i wuz talkin about!! I so feel you on this, and hope that when the w/d's go away the mental part will ease up on you. Please stay focused on your end goal, and dont let anything come between you and that goal. I know your love for your kids is strong as mine, but we have to want this for ourselves . I am trying to be clean for myself, but a life with them is my reward!! keep posting thru them cravings, and dont ever let your gaurd down.
much luv
much luv
Day 4....
The first thing that happened to me today when I first awoke was I thought about getting a pill....wow...no I don't have any here (thank goodness) and I don't WANT any. But my mind is telling me otherwise.
Other than that, I still feel pretty good. My stomach's just a bit quesy, but I think that's from the loads of vitamins I just loaded into my body. Now off to pick up this place I let get messy in the last few days!
The first thing that happened to me today when I first awoke was I thought about getting a pill....wow...no I don't have any here (thank goodness) and I don't WANT any. But my mind is telling me otherwise.
Other than that, I still feel pretty good. My stomach's just a bit quesy, but I think that's from the loads of vitamins I just loaded into my body. Now off to pick up this place I let get messy in the last few days!
Hey there!
Oh yes, I'm definitely keeping busy today! The last few days I let this place get out of hand! So I'm going to be loads and loads and loads of laundry!!! Day 4 is off to pretty good start! Thank you for checking in! I appreciate that!
Oh yes, I'm definitely keeping busy today! The last few days I let this place get out of hand! So I'm going to be loads and loads and loads of laundry!!! Day 4 is off to pretty good start! Thank you for checking in! I appreciate that!
Keep busy, keep busy, keep busy I know its hard when you feel like crap but it makes the time go by way faster and your going to feel icky no matter what so might as well do something to occupy your mind at the same time. Start the Twighlight Series!!
Good Luck
Hope Day four is going well!!!
Good Luck
Hope Day four is going well!!!
Hey! That's exactly how I felt! Being in that dulled state of mind watching my babies grow up, but not being able to remember some of the milestones. It's truly a horrible feeling!
You are right, instead of putting the fear of jumping and being opiate free, think of how it will be years or months down the line and you stop caring. Did you know if you use long enough, you will stop caring? you'll stop caring of those most important to you, and start focusing more on your next fix.
Being terrified of the withdrawals is normal, but replace it with positive thoughts. Why you are doing this in the first place. Someone put it to me like : What's a few days of discomfort compared to a lifetime of freedom? Girl, you can FEEL again if you can jump! The worst is over in 3-4 days! For the most part, if you follow some of the Thomas Recipe you can still be functional enough to care for your children. Sure the withdrawal is there, but if you keep your mind busy with your children, it's easy not to think about it!
I have faith in you, so do many others here! We are here for you. One step at a time. YOU CAN DO THIS!
You are right, instead of putting the fear of jumping and being opiate free, think of how it will be years or months down the line and you stop caring. Did you know if you use long enough, you will stop caring? you'll stop caring of those most important to you, and start focusing more on your next fix.
Being terrified of the withdrawals is normal, but replace it with positive thoughts. Why you are doing this in the first place. Someone put it to me like : What's a few days of discomfort compared to a lifetime of freedom? Girl, you can FEEL again if you can jump! The worst is over in 3-4 days! For the most part, if you follow some of the Thomas Recipe you can still be functional enough to care for your children. Sure the withdrawal is there, but if you keep your mind busy with your children, it's easy not to think about it!
I have faith in you, so do many others here! We are here for you. One step at a time. YOU CAN DO THIS!
That's amazing. I also have 2 little ones, a one year old and a two year old and I am ready to kick. I am ashamed of not being the mom my babies deserve and dulling what are precious memories in the making. I don't wanna look back and think I cant remember a damn thing about their babyhood because I was too fixated on pills. I hate how they've come to completely control my life. I need to break free but I'm so scared. Your post is an inspiration to me. I'm terrified of the withdrawals but I'm more terrified of what will become of me if i don't stop this insanity. Congratulations to you! You are awesome :)
Man it's so hard fighting these urges sometimes. My mind just continues to tell me, "Come on, You feel this good after only 3 days which means it won't be that bad if you took just one", I'm doing my best in executing my willpower....but all that seems to work is just one look at my girls. I think it may be time for me to try and get some sleep and begin the next day. Day 4!!! Although I do believe I'll be up for a while still haha!
Oh my goodness YES! That's exactly what I used to do!!! I would pay what I needed to pay, and whatever was left, went right to these. It was horrible. I would always ask myself why I could never save my money, yet the answer was right there before my eyes! Wow..talk about not being in your right state of mind! Horrible!
When I stopped buying the things I needed because I looked at the cash as "pill" money I knew I was in trouble. I think that thought is almost the hardest part, being able to get real with yourself and recognize whats going on.
You are absolutely right! Life is just way too short to be in a dulled state of mind. Our children is what's most important to us than anything.
Congratulations on your decision to be CLEAN! It is a great feeling to know I'm no longer counting my pills or where to get them from. Great feeling! Plus to FEEL again...nothing compares to that!
Congratulations on your decision to be CLEAN! It is a great feeling to know I'm no longer counting my pills or where to get them from. Great feeling! Plus to FEEL again...nothing compares to that!
Hey there Bob!
Nice to "see" you here! I knew you would come haha!
And no! You take it back! It was YOUR courage and encouragement that finally got me to jump in the first place! It's to you I owe my gratitude to!
Is there a way I can change my name? I don't quite feel that stupid anymore!
It was so nice having you here by my side, it's always great to have a friend who knows exactly what you're going through!
With all my heart,
Diana
Nice to "see" you here! I knew you would come haha!
And no! You take it back! It was YOUR courage and encouragement that finally got me to jump in the first place! It's to you I owe my gratitude to!
Is there a way I can change my name? I don't quite feel that stupid anymore!
It was so nice having you here by my side, it's always great to have a friend who knows exactly what you're going through!
With all my heart,
Diana
So good to hear from other moms on here(not the addicted part) but to know we are not alone!! You are doing an awesome job!! I am tapering because for some reason I picked finals week to do this, glutton for punishment I guess!! Anyhow, I have 4 little ones 10, 7, 4, 2 and its those guys that make it possible to get through the hard moments I just get ont eh floor and start playing or reading a book and look there I just spent another hour without pills. We can do this, our kids deserve it and so do we. We don't want to look back at this time with regret and heartache just smiles and fun and laughter. Good luck!!
You are one of the reasons I'm back in this game 172!!! (just can't call you stupid).
You are doing this with 2 little ones (sick ones at THAT) and a demanding job and should be extremely proud. Thank YOU for the inspiration, the belly laughs and the fun "advice".
If I could reach into a big hat and pull out just 1 name from all of us here that would get a magical pass to cleanliness forever, I would hope it would be you.
Your apology has NOT been accepted----Take it back!!!!!!!
I am elated for you,
bob
You are doing this with 2 little ones (sick ones at THAT) and a demanding job and should be extremely proud. Thank YOU for the inspiration, the belly laughs and the fun "advice".
If I could reach into a big hat and pull out just 1 name from all of us here that would get a magical pass to cleanliness forever, I would hope it would be you.
Your apology has NOT been accepted----Take it back!!!!!!!
I am elated for you,
bob
Yes! You are right! I WILL start doing my part in encouraging others the way they have encouraged me! It's my turn to start giving back!
And yes, you are right about the saying I'm done...I've said it more than once. But I've also done this more than once, I'm almost absolutely positive this will be my last. I just can't do this to my body or my girls anymore. Neither one of us deserves this. I will say I just had a bad craving, but it went away with the reading of your post! Thanks!
And yes, you are right about the saying I'm done...I've said it more than once. But I've also done this more than once, I'm almost absolutely positive this will be my last. I just can't do this to my body or my girls anymore. Neither one of us deserves this. I will say I just had a bad craving, but it went away with the reading of your post! Thanks!
please stay focused and dont underestimate the power of mental addiction. I know you are done, but we have said that b4, least i have. so once your thru these w/d's and detox, stick around here for a bit and help others out. it helps us to help others, and it will make the mental pull of drugs easier to deal with. I feel you on the babbling, been listening to it all day and just cant get enough. ive played horsey so much today i may not stand up for a week, but its all good cuz they fell asleep and daddy was home!! I look forward to seeing you on here, and I hope that the fevers break soon and they can start feeling betta too!
Thank you for your great words!
You are indeed right! I am definitely going to be one great mother now that I can feel and respond to their love. I never realized how much these pills dulled everything in my life. Listening to them babble about nothing makes my heart melt. Hearing the "Mommy look! Mommy look!" is all I'm living for! Now I can see them off to high school and beyond without worrying that one day I'll over do it and overdose and be gone from their lives. I'm so happy to finally be ME again! Thank you again!
You are indeed right! I am definitely going to be one great mother now that I can feel and respond to their love. I never realized how much these pills dulled everything in my life. Listening to them babble about nothing makes my heart melt. Hearing the "Mommy look! Mommy look!" is all I'm living for! Now I can see them off to high school and beyond without worrying that one day I'll over do it and overdose and be gone from their lives. I'm so happy to finally be ME again! Thank you again!
congrads on gettin back on track. relapses are a real mf, I should know. but isnt it great to just hold them babies and feel how warm and alive they are!! I know that nothin can cheer me up like my kids tellin me how much they love me.
Just keep in mind that you are now back in control of yourlife, and that this forum will be here for you and NO apologies are necessary. You are who you are, and you will be who you want to be. Sounds to me like you want to be one great mom, and i have no doubt that is just wut your gonna do! keep at it and neva give up the fight!
much luv
Just keep in mind that you are now back in control of yourlife, and that this forum will be here for you and NO apologies are necessary. You are who you are, and you will be who you want to be. Sounds to me like you want to be one great mom, and i have no doubt that is just wut your gonna do! keep at it and neva give up the fight!
much luv
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