Wow, your comments really hit home. This weekend is a perfect example of failing miserably as husband and father. Saturday was my first day off the buprenorphine treatment (5 day bup detox started last Monday) and I really wasn't ready for the intensity of emotion (all negative) that came storming in. I had to apologize to my kids like a hundred times after blowing up in extreme impatience. They are resilient but they are also tender and their spirits are easily crushed, especially by their Dad. I tried in the most earnest way I could to tell them I was sorry, that I wasn't feeling well, and that it was not their fault. I tried to tell them how much I love them.
Today I couldn't even face the day. Luckily my wife was up to the task, kind of, of keeping things in some form of order (she's pregnant and sick a lot). But man, I am as lethargic as they come and I have diahreah on top of it all and I feel 10 levels lower than human. While I appreciated the bup detox, it definitely masked some of the inevitable fall out of such intense hydro abuse over the months. I'm glad it's not that easy though in a strange way.
I keep wondering, "will my energy ever come back?" and "will there ever be something that gives me real joy again?" The hydro got me through the days dumb and happy. Today I am somber; I feel bleak and empty. There are only grey clouds today.
I have read your threads as posted over the last week or so and I agree that we have a great deal in common.
The hardest thing that I deal with is the feeling that I am not being a good Daddy and Husband. We both know the feeling of grumpyness, and short temper with our family. Immediately after blowing up it is hard to take back the anger and emotion we display to our children. You are a good man if you recognize this is happening. The next step is to not react as quickly or to remove yourself from the situation that is upsetting you. Our children Love us very much and will continue to Love us because we Love them unconditionally.
Your WD will continue for about a week. Big emotions will surface. It is very debilitating and seems that it will never end. It starts to get better after day 4 totally clean. If you can get your Doctor to prescribe Klonopin (simular to Valium) and something like Flexiril for muscle aches along with Thomas'Recipe you will come out of the WD easier. In my case I asked to go on an anti-depressant (Wellbrutin SR) to keep me focused and from sliding further by feeling like a complete failure. You can do it... Your children will understand if you try to love them more than reacting to them being kids.
Keep posting and know I am pulling for your recovery.
16 days clean.
Sean, you're doing great. Our kids have a huge capacity for forgiveness. They might as well know that things can't always be sunshine. That is real life. When we, as parents, make mistakes and admit them and apologize, we set good, realistic examples.
GB, a note about wellbutrin: It makes me short-fused and irritable. I am having better luck with lexapro. Effexor was also good but gave me high blood pressure.
My sister was given provigil for the fatigue following bup detox.
sean you have to take imodium for the runs and shits.
or else the wihtdrawl pain are a lot worse, also the runs dehydrate you , which also causes the wd's to be much worse so drink a lot of water and get some gatoraide to replace the loss of electolites, they are part of the thomas's receipe.
the receipe makes the wd's a lot easier to deal with. a lot
easier. keep up the good fight , we are all on your side and
pulling for ya. keep posting and stay positive. if your not on the receipe you might want to get on it.
goldenbear cangrats on the clean time, doing what you are doing is the best thing in the world for your kids.
so keep on keepen on.
Also, try eating bananas. They help with the diahrea and are sort of comforting, too.
Thanks for the thought. The Wellbrutin really helps me alot. I have more clarity whan taking it every morning. I only take 150mgs a day. This is a small dose. I guess we all react differently to different meds.
Goldenbear on Haagan Daaz
lot's of banna's ,they are a natural for of l-tyrosine,
and they are great for restless leg and restless body.
You two men(and I mean real men) are truly what God put on earth to be fathers. You are the best. Right now you don't think your children know what you are going through, and what your real feelings are, but, they see more than you think. Copy your posts from today that I read and save them for when the time might come that you want to and can show them to your children. They already know that you are two of the best dads in the world. I wish that I had had a husband who was a true and loving dad to his kids. Even though right now your children don't know about your drug abuse, someday you may want to or have to share it with them, for many reasons. Copy these posts that you wrote today. I guarantee you, what you wrote out of truth, love and honor will truly show them of your love for them. Bless you both, most wonderful dad's.
Love to all of forum, Sugarbeens
amen to what sugar beans said, i 2nd it.
you guy's can do nothing better for you kds that get clean.
peace and have a good night.
haven't posted today, but have been checking in and reading.
going CT right now, it's pretty hard. but i know i can do it. where there's a will, there's a way, right? i have to get a tooth worked on later in the week.....all of you who can sympathize with me, pray that i won't be weak and ask for anything for pain. it's just not worth it. and i know i can do this. it's hard, i'm trying harder than ever to be strong. reading all the other posts gives me strenght and shows me i'm not alone. thanks to my new friends, i appreciate you. honest love and good vibes and energy to each of you!
FOR GEEYODDS SAKE!! You flushed your stash!! You are goin' to heaven....Pack your bags.....LOL That is SO cool. You and Goldenbear get the Addict Award of the Week for such bravery. Now you'll quit shaking and thinking and staring at the bottle and drooling and you can get on w/ your life. Good job.
I had a good family weekend. The Tuna Cake was for my oldest girl's bithday, so I didn't re-do it. It actually tasted really good--we just all wore blindfolds as we ate. It's seldom that we are all home for dinner together, (she's away at college) so it was a nice change. I lit tapers and used my mother's china, and it was fun. I am such a gumbo but I find it's the little things that really make life special. I 'll write more later.
I third the motion, you said it all, I have no more to add than congrats to all working so hard to stay clean, especially those who realize the children involved. Good luck to all.
I know this request is off topic but would someone post the "Thomas Recipe" for me. Thanks.
l-tyrosine 1000 mgms 4 a day week 1 ,2 a day the next weeks.
b-6 100 mgs 2 a day
vitimines A c and E 2 A DAY OF EACH
A STRONG MULTI VITIMINE 1 A DAY
ZINC 1 ADAY
COPPER 1 A DAY
PHOSPHORUS 1 ADAY 500 MGMS
MANGANESE 1OMG 1 A DAY
CALSIUM-MAGNISUM 1 A DAY
IMODIUM FOR THE SHITS THE 1ST WEEK
I am glad to see you are sticking to your guns. That is definitely cool. Do they have bup detox programs that last longer than five days? I don't care what they use short of rapid detox, five days is just too short for a heavy user. I am sure it helped through a very difficult part of it. All in all, how do you feel? I hope you are doing much better. I am very interested in buprenorphine and I am doing quite a bit of research on it. Hang in there! You will be fine. Hippy's advice was excellent as usual.
Hey Everybody. Last weekend was horrible. I confined myself once again to stay away from the outside world. The only thing to comfort me was the tv, and to kill me an occasional phone call. (Wanting to know why I wasnt over there partying or if I wanted any.) I turned them down. I told them I quit. They laughed. I hung up. Back to bed. Today is my eleventh day off the meth and pills. It feels alot better now. The haze is gone and everything is alot clearer.
Bmac. How are you doing? Hopefully well. Pixi? Sean? Chezz? Hippy? Everyone else?
what you have accomplished is one of
the hardest things in the world,it is really good to read
i hope your eating and sleeping okay.
this place has been jumping the last 2 weeks.
so how ya feeling and what is you agenda,
going from death to life.
I will try to post this again. I was wondering when you are tapering off of hydro is it common to have a lot of headaches?
I would appreaciate any help any one could give me. I have been tappering over the last month from a 13 to 14 pill a day habit to 3.
You and I have a lot in common. I too am addicted to lorcet 10/650 and never was addicted to anything before I put the blue pills in my mouth. it's the only thing I'm addicted to no, drinking and no other uses of legal or illegal drugs. I'm proud of you for getting clean. I have tried many many times and I can't do it. I know there will come a time I will beat this and I believe it to be coming real soon. I'm tired of being dependent on lorcet and hate myself everytime I stick them in my mouth. Anyway, good luck in staying clean and my thoughts are with you. Jessica
Hey. Not feeling too bad now. I managed to stay alive through the weekend. That was hell. I really dont have an agenda at the moment. I sat everything aside so I can focus on what I'm doing. I don't want to get distracted and get back on the drugs. I feel pretty good though. Thanks. How about you?
Eleven days!! That's really good.It does get easier as you go
If you find something to keep your mind off of it.As I told you
when you first posted the mental **** is the hardest.I hope
you can just let things take it's coarse.It took me a month to feel human again and I still remember the feeling drugs gave me.
But now I don't let them consume me anymore.Focus on wellness
and do something to get yourself thru this.Listen to Hippy,he knows his **** when it comes to addiction.He is one of the best
persons to get advice from.Believe me,even if you don't agree
with all he says,he is right and has been there and done that.
Everyone that has been thru this mess has alot to say.It kept me from going nuts for 2 months now.Keep your head up and don't give up!!
Keep on posting and sharing your life with us. No matter how weird or screwed up things are currently we will embrace you as family. This forum is the reason and initial strength I found to attempt sobriety. We need eachother to express ourselves and know that what we feel and what we are going through is not unique to ourselves. Just because we are addicts does not take away everything else in our lives that is good. Addiction is not a reason to feel worthless or like less of a human being.
I admire your courage and the desire to give up the pills. We are all here for you. Keep reading and posting.
The headache(s) you are experiencing may be what
good morning big mac,(new name)lol Did you have a good weekend?Hanging out with college kids and getting paid for it!OOOh the life of a musician.lol Well the vols went to the Dawgs as you probably saw and the tide will come calling soon.We will probably be going out with the tide.lol