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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Still trying to detox

Hi Folks,

I
77 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi Frank,
When you said:
-I am totally responsible for this addiction and want to end it.-
I don't think you understand "addiction." I am not trying to say you are ignorant here.
Unfortunately you have no choice when you are addicted. It is a disease that takes control of you.
Hang in there,
Jackie
Avatar universal
I read your post and could almost be looking in a mirror with some slight variations. Here's the scoop that I'll give based on MY experience. I was told by my neuro-surgeon that I would also have to go to a detox facility after my surgery for the removal of a couple of disks. I said no way no how because of the same reasons you stated. I feel as long as you have the determination, support, and faith it can be done if done safely.  I tried to do it by being honest with my doctor as to the quantities of my, as you say, polysubstance overusage. (hydro,Soma,oxycontin,codein,morphine and Ativan.) All in MEGA doses for many years.  The doc bailed out on me right in the middle of discussing a weaning program after he went to some weekend seminar that freaked him out because the guest speaker was a doc who got busted for helping his patients detox at home. It seems the Goverment wants them to send you to a program and not do it themselves. I said I'm not going so I'll just take care of business myself. Well with the support of this forum and my wife in combonation with the help of GOD. I'm here to tell you that I have been off the"Dragon" for over two months. Now for me I had to do it "cold turkey" that is just my nature. But the point is that it can be done. As far as the Valium goes I wouldn't suggest you cold turkey ANY benzo. I still take Ativan as perscribed and do NOT take more then I'm supposed too under any circumstances. There is light at the end of the tunnle! There is more than one way to do this. Milo is just one example and if you have been reading the posts you have seen others do it with a regement of decreases. We are all different and yet the same in the sense that once we admit to ourselves that the drugs are running our lives instead of making them betterwe need to do something about it. I'm amazed that you are still running with the herniated disks. I was a competitive runner all my life through my 30's till the back and knees blew at 40 years old. Even after the surgery every time I try to run just a little bit I feel it in my back. You may want to switch to swimming or cycling.  The constant pounding of running is rough on you,BUT exercise is a must to help you make your OWN endorphins. I'm sure there will be others jumping on this string to give you excellent advice. I've only shared my experience. I wish you all the luck in the world my friend. God Bless you and I will pray for your recovery. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE for there IS LIGHT for sure.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light upon you,
Wizard
Avatar universal
Hi Frank,
I just wanted to say that for me, the worst part of stopping meds like Fioricet was the *fear* of what was to come. I was afraid my anxiety would overwhelm me, and I feared for my health, imagining every possibility from seizures to liver damage...I posted like you have & asked for help. Well, I came to the right place! Folks here gave me good advice from their own experience -- made sure I was doing everything safely -- and held my "cyber-hand" during those frightening times. This is not to minimize how awful this whole abuse/withdrawal business has been -- it's been a real eye-opener for me, something I hope & pray never to repeat. My fears just magnified an already rough situation, but the good people here really helped me handle the fear and get through it. I'm over the physical w/d from the Fioricet now, but I know I'm not out of the woods yet. The woods are all around me! So I keep coming here & together we manage to clear a path through the forest...So if you need encouragement or just want to talk, I'm here to help out any way I can. -- Milo
Avatar universal
Hi Frank,
I just wanted to say that for me, the worst part of stopping meds like Fioricet was the *fear* of what was to come. I was afraid my anxiety would overwhelm me, and I feared for my health, imagining every possibility from seizures to liver damage...I posted like you have & asked for help. Well, I came to the right place! Folks here gave me good advice from their own experience -- made sure I was doing everything safely -- and held my "cyber-hand" during those frightening times. This is not to minimize how awful this whole abuse/withdrawal business has been -- it's been a real eye-opener for me, something I hope & pray never to repeat. My fears just magnified an already rough situation, but the good people here really helped me handle the fear and get through it. I'm over the physical w/d from the Fioricet now, but I know I'm not out of the woods yet. The woods are all around me! So I keep coming here & together we manage to clear a path through the forest...So if you need encouragement or just want to talk, I'm here to help out any way I can. -- Milo
Avatar universal
.....Don't mean to interrupt here, but I'm going away w/ my mom for the weekend....I think a nervous breakdown is on the horizon..LOL  I need to do this.  Thank you guys...Wiz and Cin for lending your shoulders these last few days...wouldn't have gotten through it w/o you.  Love you all!  Have a nice weekend!
Angelica
Avatar universal
Frank, you're doctor's right. You need rehab. You've go too much going on there to handle on your own.
Avatar universal
Thomas I did something really stupid. I have been doing ok, but the effects this disease has on me is crazy, I become too nosy and compulsive. Today when the mail came, there was a cell phone bill for my ex. This is the first time since he left that any mail has come for him, he had his addressed changed. I don't even know why 4 months later it would come here. But stupid Susan got all caught up again, and I opened it. Looking at the numbers I started to cry. There were over 30 some calls, all hours of the day and night to several people he used to get drugs from. Over and over, I could see the obsession in his calls. I know they weren't just to say hello, since he never would talk to this people unless he wanted pills. I cried and cried. I was so hoping I was wrong, that when the nurse at our Dr.'s office told me he was getting oxy's and perc's again on top of the methadone I was so sure she was wrong. Why does this Dr. keep doing this? I saw so many calls to the Dr.'s office. I'm wondering if he's been cut off? I don't even know if he still has a job, or is still living with his parents. Why am I in so much pain again? I thought I was getting over it. He had me convinced he would be off methadone in a month, down to 5mg's aday, it's now a month, and no ones heard from him. I feel soo sad, what didn't I see? What didn't I know? Was it really so much worse than I know? Am I really that naive and blind? This has turned out to be such a bad day, and I can't stop crying. How did our lives get to this? The worst is there's nothing I can do. He never loved me or my kids, everthing was a lie. He used me so bad. I feel like I've hit my rock bottom. Why would someone use methadone and oxy's? I don't understand, please explain. Thank you my friend, I need all of you today...Love Susan
Avatar universal
First, Susan, I don't know your specifics but sounds like a very bad day - also sounds like your ex is an individual no one can control and who is completely under the control of and cares about nothing but drugs. I hope things improve. I don
Avatar universal
Thanks for the title of the book! Just know Frankie, that however this goes we are here for you. Any time you need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to vent into one of us, some of us or all of us will be here for you. It's just how it works. Good luck my friend and may God smile down upon you. I'll keep you in my prayers right next to Milo, Thomas, Kerrie, Angelica, Cin, Susanlea, Jennyfla, J.B. the list goes on and on and the bigger it gets the more friends I have  and the more prayers I pray the more get answered. Seems like a good plan to me! :-) Take care and stick around a while!
Power & Magick 2 U,
Power 7 light On us all,
Wiz
Avatar universal
Thank you for your response. I am not an addict, but lived with one for many years, so I can only give you my opinion from my view point. If Thomas agrees you can't do this yourself and need rehab and detox chances are you do. My situation was as follows; My former boyfriend of 6 years would do percocet's and anyother pain killer he could get recreationally since I met him. He never had access to alot of pills, usually what he could get from a Dr. I have taken pain meds for years for several spine problems. He never really knew I took them, but when he found out about 3 years ago life changed. He would steal anything he could from me. He found a friend who has neuropathy(through me) who got 500 pills a month, oxycotin and percocets. He gave my former boyfriend about 100 of them. The NIGHTMARE began. He then found a Dr. who would perscribe him 60 every 2 weeks. On top of the 30 he took from me. When in months it was out of control, he was taking at least 240mg's aday of oxy's(equalent to 60 percocets) plus perc's and dilauded, anything. He was in a constant state of withdrawals. He became so sick, he stayed in bed for 3 months! Flu like symptoms, wanting to die! He got to the point he could not get enough pills to feel close to normal. He went into detox a little over a year ago. The Dr's said he would have been dead in 6 months he was so toxic. He stayed for 5 days, and went through hell. 6 weeks of rehab, sponser and programs, he relapsed. Our lives were horrible. He became mean, abusive, distant and hateful. It started all over again. He got on methadone in Feb., and he was so mean. He left in March after almost 6 years. My children and I were devestated! I am in Al-anon my boys in Al-ateen. He was not their father, but he has been with them since they were 3 and 4. They have not seen or heard from him in 4 months. They feel rejected, abandoned and unloved by a man they considered their father. This disease is devestating to everyone. But my point is, he refused to go to a program, rehab, counselor, he said he could do it on his own. He hasn't been able to do it. He'll lie and say he is, but you saw my post. I've heard he also is using heroin. This will grab you, and not let you go. As Wizard says, he has the dragon chasing him. Frankie, I'm not saying you can't do it, the physical part is not the worst. It's the psyclogical part. That's why a program, and sponser are so important. Before you take anyones advice. Go to an AA or NA meeting. Just listen, no one asks your name, it's all very confidential. There is a place in Canada that's supposed to be good. All I know is my ex was in a major hospital and no one knew it. They can not give out your name, if your registered. His work never knew, no one. So I think you have other options. Good luck, you've taken the first step, you've reached for help. And everyone here will always be there for you. There are no better people in all the world than you will find than here. I will love everyone here for the rest of my life. God Bless......Susan
Avatar universal
Lea,
What a stroke of luck getting his phone bill! Doesn't leave much room for doubt. All hours of the day and night, ugh? Well, we know we're not talking about oral meds, at least. Only injected and snorted drugs can't wait til morning. It hurts to think you know someone and discover how wrong you are. Get rid of his stuff and be glad it's over. I guess I don't have to tell you to send packing any boyfriends who want to take your pain meds for you again. I know you're miserable, yet I'm very happy for you. HE GONE!

Your friend,


Thomas
Avatar universal
in the second half of your e-mail you asked me why someone would do these things like he did and take oxy and methadone? First of all, you're clearly not an addict. With any luck, that state of mind is closed off from you forever. Instead, why not ask how someone could order the Holocaust? Human beings are not benign creatures. God may have invented good, but I'm not one of those who believe in the devil. It took man to bring evil to the world.
Avatar universal
Am I really that dumb? What did you mean by only snorted and injected drugs not waiting until morning? I was under the impression that withdrawals and cravings were the same no matter what drug. You know it does scare me that when I look back, I probably knew very little what he was really doing. Just because he came home every nite I figured I had it under control and knew what and how much he was taking, just the pills. But when I think about it, he would spend alot of time in the bathroom, I mean for along time. He told me he was shaving. He would lock alot of doors when he was mad. I know it's better that I never know what really was going on, I don't know what it would do to me. I just feel so incredibly stupid and like the dumb blond I am. I sometimes wish I lived somewhere else. Every up here knew us. I used to work with him. People are always asking me about him. I've been keeping up a good front. Made light of the fact it didn't work out. Funny thing is, I really think they knew he had some kind of problem before I caught on. Another question. He couldn't (sorry) have intimate contact anymore, just didn't seem interested and when he tried he just couldn't. That went on for about the last year. He didn't want to be close or kiss, nothing. I really felt like it was me, and when he left he said it was me. I am nowhere near ugly, and have many men who have liked me. Can oxy's and other stuff make some one impotent? I believe now Wizard it right, he spends all his time running from the Dragon. Thomas thank you so much for being my friend. On a good note. I went to my High School reunion last week. There was a man there I never knew well in school. You know the type. Tall, handsome and popular. Well he's e-mailed me 6 times this week. And last nite we went out as just friends for a light dinner on the river. I actually had a great time. He's the first man I've been out with since I met my ex 6 years ago, and before that I had been married for 7 years. I'm going out with him next Saturday. He's divorced and on good terms with his exwife. I found myself watching how much he drank. He had 2 beers in 3 hours, I had coke. I asked him what  he thought about what was going on in the news lately up here, sports, community stuff, drug busts. We got into a conversation about the oxy's busts up here every week. He told me the only time he ever took pain meds was when he had his appendix out. Boy did I have a sigh of relief. I'm so paranoid. We'll see what happens. Thank you again Thomas, I really don't mean to sound so obsessive I guess I'm just searching for answers, I still think there might have been more I could have done, I still think apart of it was my fault. I will be ok...Susan
Avatar universal
I just got a chance to sit and read your posts....and really comprehend what is actually going on..Frankie,,,,I'm glad that you came..These people here have been giving you great advice...You are not in denial as you feared we would say  in your post....you see your need...so you still need your xanax...lots of people do..there are real medical reasons that people need medication...and susan....you had a DATE !!!!  how nice...good for you...now,,,,,you go and pain them nails, fix your hair,  buy new eyeshadow and blush to match,,,,(the seaside colors are hot this summer) the get the hottest new shade of lipstick you can find....some sexy new perfume..A NEW LITTLE BLACK DRESS..(SHOES TO MATCH)...and GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE)You have been through so much...I told you and Jenny before, this disease...we all fall victim to it....even if you are not an addict. you are on your way to recovering from all of this....move forward....I usually say don't look back ..but in this case I will say...LOOK BACK... at where you were and where you are heading....choose your path...it's up to you my dear....and go on as many dates with this suave dude as you can...good luck to you both and God Bless...love to all   cin
Avatar universal
I love the way you use words. Are you a writer? If not I think you would be fantastic! Thank you Thomas, you are one of my very favorite people here, Love Susan
Avatar universal
Well, lea, yes, I'm a writer. But, no, I'm not the kind of writer I'd like to be. I earn my living writing about computers, which at the moment is boring the living **** out of me. But it does pay well, most of the time, so I go on with it. I'd like to contribute something creative and meaningful to the world through my writing before I die, but the rub is that I get home at night so mentally drained I can't put together a worthwhile sentence, let alone a full-scale work of any value. I've wished to be a writer since I was ten. I suppose there's a kind of irony in the way things turned out. Thanks for the compliment, though. I always enjoy and look forward to your posts, as well.
Avatar universal
Thomas,

I continued to be intrigued by your succinct response to my post - "You've go too much going on there to handle on your own."

I asked for an elaboration, but didn't get one. If you are not interested in explaining, that's fine as I respect your opinion. However, if you've the time and inclination I would appreciate knowing why the nix on the detox plan I proposed (you might go back and review it)is too much to handle on my own. Nor did you address my concerns about confidentiality, and ability to use Valium and pain killers appropriately in the future. Obviously you owe me nothing. But I would like to understand your premise.

Thanks,

Frankie LEE




Avatar universal
I am alive and doing fair everyone.
Just wanted to give you a quick update.
My husband is going to rehab tomorrow, it's been a very difficult past couple days.
He lost his job the other day, and is basically falling to pieces.
The kids are sticking to me like glue lately, probably scared to death about what's happening.  I've tried to be very open and honest to them to ease their fright.
My husband sister offered to help with the cost of rehab.  My insurance will pay half, and she offered to pick up the rest.  She also offered to help with my living expenses while he was in treatment.  Tonight, we found out, i guess they could care less about me.  His mom said i'm a big girl and can take care of myself.  I'm left with three children to support on my secretary's income.  His mother is a very sick women.  It is tearing my husband to shreads, not to mention what she is doing to me.  What a horrible thing to say one thing and back out of it.  his sister is a district attorney and can more than afford to help me a little.  I'm not asking for much, but i can't make it on what i make only.
My husband is angry with them, and also angry with his employer.  the whole world is crashing down on us.
I am thankful he will get into treatment though, thank god!!!
He is going to a place where i think a backstreet boy was just admitted today.  Kind of neat!
I will keep you all posted.  I'm gonna needs lots of support, so you all will probably be sick of me soon.
Hope everyone is well, i will catch up once i have more time.
Prayers for everyone.
Love Jenny
Avatar universal
Hi, Jenny -- haven't forgotten about you & am keeping you & your family in my prayers. I can only imagine how terrible all of this you're going through right now is. But hopefully with your husband getting treatment, this horrible time will eventually result in a new start for all of you. I think that's great that you're being open w/the kids because secrecy only breeds more confusion & fear. Bless your heart...Milo
Avatar universal
jenny: several things:
1)i can't speak for everyone else, but as far as i'm concerned you  will never be a pest to me. what ever i can say or pray to help  you thru.
2)there is a way thru this-it may not always be what you think it
  should be, but i'm sure you and everyone else in your family will  find their way thru if they really chose to.
3)concentrate on the things (problems) most in front of you. if you  try looking to far one way or another (future, past, right, left  your husband's family, or what ever, your going to find trouble.)  my first sponcer taught me this one.take care of what is most   directly in front of, if you catch yourself looking to far one way
or another your concentrating on problems instead of solutions!
always some one with ears
kip
Avatar universal
Jenny, I agree with kip, you will never be a pest to me either. Collectively there is more support here than I've seen anywhere. You can come and lean all you want. There IS always a way to get to the light in these situations. We always have choices....maybe not the ones that we like or are easy but we DO have them. You hang in there lady. I'll be thinking and praying for you and your family.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
luv Wiz
Avatar universal
I'm sorry, I missed your request for clarification. First, I'm not a doctor, just an rx drug addict for the last thirty years. You name the class of drug, and I've been addicted to it multiple times. The fact is, you pretty much DID "name it." You're taking two kinds of short acting opiates (Vics and Codeine), the absolute worst and most dangerous benzo to detox from (Xanax - I had three seizures from just running out of that poison), another benzo Valium on top of the Xanax, and you're washing it down nightly with enough "ethanol" to put me on the floor. I'm curious why you call your booze ethanol, are you a chemist or just trying to be precise?

You are addicted to a range of drugs, all with BAD withdrawal symptoms all by themselves. You're proposing to withdraw (you can call it detox, but you will experience withdrawal without a doubt) from narcotics, benzos and alcohol all at once. I shiver at the thought of what you're going to feel like when you start withdrawing.

Frank, I mean no disrespect, but I don't think ANYONE has the will power you'll need to pull off your plan. Besides, you WILL go into withdrawal, despite your plan to gradually withdraw. And when withdrawal from all those drugs hits, you could honestly be in great danger. When I seizured from Xanax withdrawal three times in two months, I was using  less than you are now.

Ever see "Lost Weekend?" Remember the psychoward scene? That's where you're headed if you try to withdraw from all those drugs at once. At best, I'd suggest detoxing from one drug at a time, not starting the next detox til the last one was well and truly done. But even that is a bad idea.

My gut tells me you're headed for hell if you try to do this. Get some help. Register under another name if you must. You need to be medically detoxed. Any doctor in the world will tell you that. I wish you all the best. Keep in touch. Let us know how you are. We care about you.

Thomas
Avatar universal
Thanks guys, i knew i could count on you!!!!
well, my husband is know at rehab, and yes, it's the same one as A.J. (the backstreet boy).
What an ordeal.  He had to get high just one more time, and put up a fight.  I had to give in in order to get him there.  It was very difficult.
He was falling apart, and it was so hard, but he is safe now.
His face lite up when we parked, he was home again.  He felt a sense of safeness and security.  I was happy to see that look in his eyes.
I am holding together, taking care of the kids, enjoying my peace for a change.  I know he is safe, and he is away from me for a while so i can gain back my strength.  This has been so difficult, he has been nothing like what he really is.  It's like he's been possessed.  He is so filled with anger, and his thought process is so very unhealthy, it scares me and i can't help but wonder how he can change so drastically and ever be better.
I miss him very much, but i also fear the day he returns.  Now that he is gone, although it's only been hours, i am scared to death of the day he returns home.  I can't take it anymore, i just don't have any strength left inside me.  I hope he sees the light and gets well!
Thanks guys, and i will write real soon when i have more energy and time.
Lv Jenny
Avatar universal
Tom,

Thanks for your advice. It was blunt and sagacious. It you look at my original post I noted I would never withdraw at all the drugs at once, but substance by substance. I have done it with booze ( I used ethanol because I am in the medical profession and was trying to be precise) and vicodin albiet not at the level I am taking now. I have never done it with Zanax but, think over a period of weeks I can accomplish it. If not I will be shopping for the detox clinics, unfortunately. Just what is it that a clinic has, that I don't. I mean if i have the supply, can taper and can get therapy why not *try* it without the clinic?I will keep you posted and I appreciate the time you took in your response.

Frank
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