Stories

[VOsRose]

I would love to know everyone's "story" here.  I love reading about other people's lives and how they arrived where they are today.  They are touching and insightful and very helpful to us all.  I wish everyone would do a post, brief or in-depth, about themselves.

Just a thought.  A way to really get to know each other and learn where we're all "coming from" with our experiences and suggestions.  Any takers?

Love you guys!

Rosie

[VOsRose]

I'm sorry that this happened to you, particularly after 13 years sober.  That is so unfortunate.  It is great that you are at 150+ days...something to be quite proud of.  You know that things will get better.  You just have to be patient and hang in there.  It doesn't hurt to do things to help it along, as you know.  Keeping busy, both mentally and physically do wonders.  I loved your post the other day about choices.  It was very intuitive and very encouraging.  Thanks for sharing your story!

I know the road is long...with many a winding turn.  I'm sorry it's been so painful, but the ultimate reward is so great.  Thanks again for sharing.

Rosie

[justlikeyou]

i hurt my back badly after 13 years in 12 step recovery.was in constant pain for 1.5 years, a friend gave me an ultram, it worked, i was comfortable for the first time in 1.5 years, i purchased ultram from my friend for about 2 years and then other pain meds from a different friend. after 3.5 years i figured my back was ok enough to quit the pills, 3 days into the detox i was so sick and worried i found this site.

im 150+ clean now, i dont feel great, im very happy to be off the pills, but my mood and energy are still very low most of the time :(

im hoping things will continue to get better.

my back is almost 100% good again, and for that i am also very grateful.

its been a long road, a long painful road.

[VOsRose]

Thank you both for sharing your story!  I hope more will post.  It's a great way to get to "know" each other.  I will write my story in chapters when I get home.  I think telling our stories is a great tool for doing serious introspection.  

Stay positive, focused and hopeful.  Recovery is a great place to be!

[Mommy_needs_help]

Nice idea - I love to hear people's stories too... Here's mine:

I started my addictions very early - with booze,,, by 15 I was blacking out, partying during the week, missing school, booze in my locker - the whole thing.  I was a heavy pot smoker, acid, mushrooms, etc.  But at the same time I was also a cheerleader, student counsel, straight A's & B student... I realized that I could be a functioning F*up and keep the 'pretty girl that does it all' front... I worked for a long time!  Senior year I started going to AA meetings.  I went a dozen times then got kicked out for showing up drunk...They said I was too young to take it seriously and to come back when I got a little more mature.  Outside of that meeting I met an older guy that was court mandated to attend the meetings... He introduced me to coke.  We stayed friends for a few years.

After I HS I went to college and took lots of extasy, coke, booze - party party party.  But I graduated.  And did very well I must say!  However I did attend more than a few classes after being up for several days and took some notes that no one would ever be to decipher again! lol

Now let me step back a bit and add in someone else.... I dated my husband for the first time in HS.  We went on our first date when we were in the 10th grade.  He was a football player -- SUPER straight.  Weekend keggers were about the biggest thing that we ever got in to.  I rolled the first join he ever smoked.  We were an 'odd match' to everyone else, but to us,,, we always knew that we'd end up together.  We went to different colleges, but not too far away and he'd come and see me.  He knew that I was 'wild' but like I said we have always had some special connection. He didn't always approve or understand - but he always stood by me.

Well after college I crashed,,, hard.  I had been on a very hetic party schedule and I basically collapsed.  drove right down and got me.  He brought me home - back to the town where we live and grew up and nursed me back to health.  We got married and spent several years traveling and hanging around.  I was a nightly bottle of wine drinker and pot smoker, but as usual kept it together.  He worked hard and bought us our house.  I'd mess up ever once in a while - get too drunk at a party.  Got busted for smoking a joint at the beach.  A DUI after a night out with the girls. But I worked for a up and coming design firm and had a good career.  

We had twin girls almost seven years ago.  It was a very life changing experience for me.  I was not able to get s*** faced drunk,,, I felt the responsibility of the situation in a way that I had never had before.  I loved those little girls so much that it really made me get my act together!  I threw myself in to motherhood full time... you don't really have a choice with twins!!  I didn't get drunk till they were over two years old.  And then it was very random.  We no longer kept booze in the house.  He insisted that I stop growing pot in the back yard... I've never been one to 'score a bag' so that stopped too. I was living the clean mommy life and liking it!

When the girls were 3 we got in to a very bad car accident.  The kids were ok - My neck & back were pretty twisted but my Husband got the worst of it. (The car ran a light at an intersection going VERY fast and hit the driver's side - HARD!)  He had a series of 3 surgeries on his shoulder & neck over 2 1/2 years - 3 years.  

Enter the pills.

I was given viccs & xanax after the accident.  They helped my pain & mood.  But I was taking care of my husband and the girls and drinking waayyy too much coffee and basically insane and so when my rx ran out - I started taking his percs.  And eventually his oxys.  I was waiting on him hand & foot - and 'in charge' of refilling his meds (which were open - to be refilled as much as needed) so he never noticed if there were too many missing.  And let me tell you - I was SUPER MOMMY!
I was changing bandages, making food, helping out at the girl's preschool, taking him to doctor appointments, I started a home business, MULTI-tasking.  And rationalizing that I needed the pills to help me out.. I couldn't do it all by myself.  He's the strong one,,, not me.  JUNKIE LOGIC!!

After his last surgery was all healed up  and he was thru with p.t. they started him on a 'pain patch' - with a perc chaser,, but a small amount of pills.  Small enough that he would notice.  So I found someone to buy pills from. That went on for almost a year, then I got preg.  I knew that I had to stop waaay before... There was something about buying pills from that lady... I knew I was waaay out of control; but still functioning. I was  I've been in that spot a few times before.  So when I got preg I panicked!    I found this website and lurked around for a few days then posted my situation.  The support that I got back was awesome!  And the relief that I got from saying it out loud (so to speak) gave me the courage to go tell my husband.  He was soooo great!  He barley blinked before telling me that he'd to whatever it took to help me and our baby.  he didn't hate me.  And it was going to be OK.  He went to the doctor with me.  He went to the OB with me.  We told the story together.  He ehlped me get on a schedule.  He cut up the pills for me so I could do the taper.  He is basically awesome!  

So I'm down to 2 - 2 1/2 a day... taking quarters of pills at at time.  I'm almost done.
I'm almost back to being a normal mommy again.  Hopefully this will be my LAST addiction story!  I really don't want to add any more chapters.  I truly feel that as long as I have this website and the people here.. I'll be able to do that.

And with that - I'm off to puke... in early prego style!

[mpanth84]

Here is mine briefly I just did a cut and paste from my profile. Let me prefface it by saying that my 10 years in recovery were the best of my life. Really connecting with a local group of recovering addicts is incredible,  powerful, and deeply fulfilling. I am not in any position to offer a whole lot personally right now but I will say that I am hopeful.

I am here to get back in 12 step recovery. I am in a chronic pain program and am currently in relapse. I take opiates and benzos. I am under the care of several doctors both mental and physical. I suffer from chronic pain due to fybromyalgia, tendonitis, nerve pain, arthritis, severe muscle spasms in my back and neck, thoracic outlet compression, and industrial overuse syndrome. I also suffer from anxiety, and innsomnia but most of all I suffer from addiction. I am high functioning, I work outside the home atleast 40 hours a week. I enjoy music, movies, SCUBA, water sports, snow skiing, floating and swimming in my pool, traveling, entertaining, going out with family and friends, and scrapbooking. I am happily married for 20 years and have a son who is 12. I am here to make friends, get help and give help  if I can. I was 100% NA clean for 10 years, I have been in relapse for 3. I used do pot, speed, alcohol, and generally anything I could get ecept no crack, heroin or PCP. I am too old to have experienced designer drugs like exstacy. Currently I only take prescription drugs no street, no pot, no alcohol however I do not have prescriptions for everything I take. I do not take high doses for me, but for the average person probably so. I hear about people who take 50 vicodin a day and I am stunned. I have never taken more than 10 in a day but that is a lot. Tylenol toxicity worries me, I add up the mg daily to see to it I do not exceed 4000 but on occaision I have. I take benzos on and off, they cause about as much anxiety as they help however I like them, I do not take them daily like the vicodin. Anyway that is me today. God bless and keep us all safe from harm. Email me at:

***@****

[bettie1976]

i was just thinking about making that a topic for the day after what you posted. I will get working on mine....gonna take some time...thank you again for sharing yours.