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Avatar universal

Stronger!!

My life in recovery has been a rollercoaster ride folks but I really think things are starting to even out a little bit..
I've noticed alot of changes in me. I am PROUD of the changes! It's only been 159 days so I'm so excited about the rest of forever!
I am growing up y'all.
I used to be a BIG TIME PEOPLE PLEASER.. (hurts to admit that) but it's true..
Now, I still want to see everyone happy and pleased but I'm okay with them not liking me on the way to that point. :)
I had to go from"knowing everything" to realizing WHOA!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE so maybe it's time for Rosy to HUSH UP and LISTEN..

Ha!
Once I took a step back (or was I pushed?) and realized that not everyone was attacking me, that it wasn't always about me, and that people who are SUCCEEDING were only trying to help me succeed, I had an AHA MOMENT..

Rosy, when your sick you go to the doctor and listen to what he tells you right??

I came to MH because I was sick and seeking advice...
It took me awhile to have the courage to listen.
In the beginning you guys fed me alot of harsh truths and watched ne stomp my feet and throw a fit! When my tantrum was over you guys were still there. All I can say now, 159 days later, is THANK YOU FOR CARING ENOUGH...

We may all be different but as addicts we have a few truths in common!

Here's my question and I am sorry I took the long way to get to it but I wanted you ALL, each and everyone of you to know that YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE!

QUESTION: Is it normal to feel stagnant at this stage in the game?? You know, feeling like everything is going good but you should be doing more?
I'm CLEAN, LEARNING, & becoming STRONGER everyday but what are the things I should/could be doing right now to improve myself and ny path?
I attend meetings, have a sponsor, all the cracks are sealed.. But... I feel like I am missing something???!! I probably didn't phrase this right or explain it the right way but any feedback would be appreciated...
P.S. Alot of the reason for this post is I'm super scared of relapse and one of the things A (my sponsor) has told me is to never become complacent bc their is always work to be done.
If you have time to be bored you have  time to find ways to use.. (Her mantra)
19 Responses
Avatar universal
Oh Rosy Posy, you are just a breath of fresh air, i remember your little tantrums BUT look at you now, do not underestimate your 159 days you worked so darn hard for those days and i couldn't be prouder.  You learned so fast and didn't fall like me.  Shoot, i failed and picked myself back up but i had to keep failing to get it right and i am still learning.  From the beginning you took in all the advice and took action, you faced your demon head on and girl i so admire YOU!  There is always room for improvement in anything we do, so i just say keep moving forward, keep learning, keep getting to know you the new and improved you.  I think its healthy to be scared of relapse this way we stay on guard, once we become complacent is when the devil comes in for attack.  Take your time on step 4, as you know i am in the thick of it, and it just $ucks.  One day at a time, don't rush your recovery, and before you know it, it will all fall into place.  
2107676 tn?1388973859
Rosy, I haven't know you long and I have less clean time than you so I can't answer your question but you seem like your are bursting with energy and ready to take on the world.  

I also don't know your situation but have you thought of volunteering?  Maybe addiction centres or something that you have a passion about?

I love this thread.  You always make me smile.
Avatar universal
Thank you Pat!! No matter how much time we have in 1 day or hundreds, we ALL have something to offer! That's what makes us a wonderful community. People get to SEE all stages of addiction and recovery!

Dane, girl I forgot to tell you but I am not going to start step 4 until I learn how to walk!! This crawling stage is tough enough for me right now :)I have to learn to crawl real good first. I see you struggling with step 4. You are not alone and we are here to hold you up. We won't let you fall. :-)
271792 tn?1334979657
I compare my recovery to a diet. You start to lose fast at the beginning and then it begins to slow a bit. That's when you keep your guard up (recovery). Then you lose some more weight and "boom"..you hit a plateau. You get stuck there and your dang body won't lose anymore weight (same as recovery). Once again, guard up. Do the steps. Talk. Have coffee with the girls after meetings. Post here. Then you start to lose weight again and get back on track. You will hit plateaus along the way (recovery). Hang in there..you are okay. Finally, you reach your destination (maybe finishing the steps). Dieting or eating the right foods to stay at that weight takes persistence and determination. Does that sound like your recovery? It's a strange analogy but I think it is fitting
Avatar universal
That was an EXCELLENT analogy! Makes perfect sense...
Avatar universal
Love the analogy, it's very fitting.  Great way to look at things.  Thanks for that!
6109773 tn?1381071043
Word!!! Well said sister! I am soo proud of you. You have helped me get clean and stay clean. Thank you! As for your question, I'm right their with you. I feel like I could be doing more also... I am deathly afraid of relapsing... I can't go back to my " old life" maybe you can start going to home meetings? Church? Read books about our illness? Either way, I am sure that You will find an answer to your question. Xoxo
4522800 tn?1470325834
AND Rosy each time you do these steps over & over you will see some changes again and understand more. ALSO the big thing is when we are feeling some what good on this diet, here comes some one right up your nose with cake, candy, pizza..etc. This is just what life will due..It will throw you MANY curve balls,(cupcakes) and now we can not go eat any of that Junk food because it will put us back into a few more pounds..Learning to Live in Ones own skin during times of troubles will be the Big Test. You could find your self slipping or you could find your self fighting that much harder not to take this bite out of the cake. You know we can not have our Cake and eat it too, You are one of our Special Angels on here and I knew it from day one..You will be just fine and you will keep growing like a wild weed with some beautiful wild flowers on them,,lol Keep Blooming my Flower Child..hahahaha..Big Hug to YOU!!!

PS..IBK nice way of putting it..lol
Bless
Avatar universal
Oh Rosy...you are such an Awesome Person!!  You were always there for me when I was throwing fits, but I wasn't around yet when you were. You were always and still are always full to the rim with words that nobody else would know how to say. You have a very special gift with words, and by that I mean encouraging words for new addicts that come here for help, and us "old timers" who get into a funk sometimes.  You always know the exact words to say. And that my friend, is a gift from God. You could be an addiction counselor somewhere. A case manager at a MH clinic. Any place that people who need good sound advice at a time in their lives when they are so down and vulnerable, that's where you shine and the best in you comes out!! Even here, I see you post to others, and I am in awe of you. You are the best. You will find that "something" you are looking for, when you least expect it, it will come to you!! With lots of love and gratitude and respect....Kat xoxo
6063300 tn?1430430571
Rosy you are so awesome and help so many! I am right there with you but chugging along the track! I am just taking one day, one hour, one minute at a time! I have realized lately that my patience is really bad right now, some thing I am working on....with my son and his surgery and my jerk of a husband it is hard but I will do it!
love you girl!
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hey Rosy, I agree with all of the above. Volunteering, if you can, is an excellent idea. Great call, Pat.

I think what helps me the most, when I feel sort of stagnant, is posting and replying here. I love to try and help people. It lifts me up when I am down in the dumps. I especially love to work with the newbies. I remember how scared, ashamed, and shy I was when I first started to reach out and ask for help. I understand those feelings so well. That's why I tend to hang out here late at night and on weekends and holidays. I think that's when a lot of newbies post, and the forum is quiet.  I only hope that I can help someone else, as much as they help lift me up.

You are such a positive and energetic person. You are inspiring and exactly what someone, especially new folks need at a time when they are desperate and scared. This is an excellent post Rosy. You constantly make me laugh and smile. Keep doing what you are doing, and thank you.
Avatar universal
Hey Rosy,
Look at all the posts you are getting with such great wisdom and advice. You are truly loved and respected here. I agree with everyone who had an opinion, they all are great ones. Just pick one honey...Just wanted to say that. Don't take these posts lightly, everyone loves you and is talking from their hearts. You lucky girl you!! You so Rock!!
Kat
1827057 tn?1397520277
You are doing as well as anyone Rosy !   I really think it is part of the human condition to feel something is missing .I think that space in a person's being is what is responsible for all of the great achievements of mankind. Would we have put a man on the moon if we didn't feel something was missing and we should strive for something more ?  anyway just keep going and keep doing whatever it is that is keeping you clean !  You are such a huge help on here to me and others !  La mis-MORE my friend !!!   ;))
5347058 tn?1381188426
Girl, I think you are rocking it! You help so many, myself included, on a daily basis. Just always be sure to leave some time and energy for yourself. Love you chica!
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You have been given good advice Rosy.  

We sometimes get to the point where we just go thru the motions.  When that happens you have to be the motion~
4113881 tn?1415850276
"Is it normal to feel stagnant at this stage in the game?? You know, feeling like everything is going good but you should be doing more? "

Not only do I think it's normal at this stage in the game but I also think it's healthy. That's just my opinion anyways. I think that if you are constantly challenging yourself and pushing yourself forward in the right direction, you will always have this feeling. I can totally relate to this feeling and I have years under my belt. I'm always feeling like I need to do more or that I should be doing more but like you, I'm active in my aftercare. It could be the fear of relapse (which isn't a bad thing) or it could just be a part of your personality. I stay feeling like I should be doing more but the very few people who know me tell me I'm doing all I can and some. I get the since it's the same with you. You do a lot for your recovery and self improvement but I'm thinking that you will continue to have this feeling throughout your recovery...even years into it. That's just you. It's not a bad thing at all. Your doing great... This feeling will just keep you on your toes!

Avatar universal
Thank you all for taking the time to give me your opinions. It makes alot of sense... LOVE that LA-MIS-MORE @ Ric..

BE THE MOTION... That makes sense on so many levels Sarah.

ABN.. I like how you broke it down querido.. Really makes alot of sense that it may just be who I am and it will keep me on my toes!! Thats great actually.. I don't wanna be slippin in any area but can't afford it at all in my recovery:)
Avatar universal
You girls are awesome!! Thanks a MILLION for the continuous support!!
You were one of those that took me to front street Ang!! Ha! Thanks girl!
Avatar universal
Rosy you are a ray of sunshine in a cold and dark world for so many. I am amazed by your energy and rosy outlook!  You are truly an angel! The notes and graphics you send mean so much when you're first starting out, they made me feel welcome. You do have a special gift. You've been through so much and come so far maybe you just need some rest! Keep doing what you do. I can't believe you have even 60 seconds of free time! You're a dynamo!
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