Ty for these comments, I am so happy for all of you and how far you have come. Be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished and taking back your life. Great comments here guys:)
hey Gizzy im 46 days clean i did have 200 pls before my relaps. But i beleive the reason for my relapse is because of all the guilt i carried about with me and also felt on a daily basis.So i beleive thats what made me relapse for the LAST TIME. The things that have changed for me is my life it does not revolve around drugs its more about Kim,s illness this is so much harder to deal with straight before i numbed my feelings with drugs now i have to deal with this horrible illness but doing it straight this is so hard lifes trials can be difficult and hurtful at times. I just wish i spent my last 13 yrs like this straight and would be able to cope with this better I feel life delt me a not so kind hand i keep thinking what life would be like without Kim i cant even think like that. But life is much better when clean and im enjoying life clean and with a clear head,,,,,,,,,James
well I am close to 10 months clean and I am so happy I have a life again, I can enjoy my kids and my husband my life has change. I thought I was happy when on Lortab but it was a false since of happiness. With my drug use came some legal problem that I am going through now but now I have to learn how to deal with stress without drugs. But I have made it. My legal issues are going great due to me being clean. It is so nice to wake up in the morning without looking for pills, and actually remembering what happened the day before. I can't wait until I can say I have been clean for 1 year. Withdrawing was hard but because of life now it was 200% worth it. I will never go back and put my self and my family through that ever again~~~~~:)
Gizzy~ I'm around day 14 clean from Norco I think.... I'm bad with my counts. It was 2 mondays ago and 1 1/2 months clean from Soma. I delt with some severe rebound pain while getting off the norco but I feel SO much better. For the first time in a long time (19 mo) I woke up with no pain about a week ago and am just living my life enjoying myself... I love it and for those who are even a couple days clean or several months YOU GO!!!! Your great!!!!! I have had dreams of taking the meds... and woken up in a frenzy thinking I HAD taken the meds and the relief when I realize i haven't is immense... Keep your clean time, and even if you mess up you STILL have that clean time and you can always reclaim it.
I'm on day 30 something and things are getting much better. This is round 12 or more for me and I have finally pulled out all of the big guns. Counselor, NA, sponcer and have told more people in my life that can hold me accountable including my doctor. I really feel hopeful this time around. When they say that this disease is progressive it includes that every detox gets worse as far as the head stuff goes. I was pretty bad off 3 weeks ago. Lastnight my grandson fell asleep in my bed and just watching him breath and sleep brought me joy. As far as the guilt, I haven't dealt with most of that yet. Not just the stealing and lying to get pills but the feedback I got from my sister when I told her a couple days ago. We don't realize the ways that other people see the changes in us. Hold onto that cleantime, feel the pain, anger and joy. The good feelings far outweigh the bad. It just takes time to get there. When we start doing the right thing, our life falls right back into place for us. We can't control it as we wanted to do as addicts but if we go with the flow and ride out the pain we find that our life just begins to unfold for us and we fing peace. Let go and let life unfold. We cannot try to control it anymore:o)) Good post Gizzy
I'm on day 17 clean now after years and years using - 10 years of opiate related pills, and before that other things. Cold turkey, cut down massively for a day or two but might as well just stopped then. But every day is better, most nights are getting better. But I find I have to keep busy to not think about things and today is rainy and I didn't sleep well with terrible RLS and aches last night, the night before I had none, so strange how this works itself out. Had a few cravings this morning but easily avoided. I have a lot going on this afternoon and this evening so I won't have time to dwell on anything but what I'm doing - and its fun stuff also, really looking forward to it! Don't mean to sound down, it's just a cloudy, rainy day out and I've never liked these kind of days in general, but the bottom line - doing well, being really productive, and feeling better day by day. I love being able to mark my calendar every night before I go to bed, the highlight of my day. Everyday it seems I'm rediscovering something new that I like about myself and life, amazing how much we just push down and don't feel while using, it is like being on autopilot. My memory was getting really bad and I'm already seeing an improvement in that area!
Before I went to sleep last night I thought about how when I woke up this morning it will be day 7, and sure nujff woke up went to my little tracker and there were those three blue people with their arms up in the air cheering me on...DAY 7! A WEEK! that's a milestone! I feel better, I feel encouraged, and Im starting to feel me again, I missed me, Im an awesome person, it's good to have me back. (ok enough talking about myself in the third person, it's a lil crazy)
It's been a rough week, no doubt but the fact that I made it empowers me greatly. The a-hole that constantly texts me asking if I want 30, 40 or whatever is driving me nutzo. He evidentally thinks I have gone to someone else for them and is trying to scare me back into being his customer (He stole money from me yet again last week thats another story tho) and texted me with 'when you cant find them anywhere else what are you going to do then?'
I replied 'dont have none, dont need none, aint gonna want none'. No reply from him, awesome, hope he got the message finally.
heh...that felt good, it felt real damn good
Im running this show dammit, Im in control now, Im not going to be vicodin's ***** anymore nor any sorry dealers *****, not me, not anymore.
I still feel a little run down, and my appetite is a little crazy, if non existent, but i think about how I felt that first day and man do I feel better...soooo much better.
Thanks to all of you for your posts, they help so much. Much love to all you fighting the good fight
I am coming close to a thousand days and I am a far happier person then i ever was when I used .When I used my body was there but my mind was some where else .It was like being a shell of a person .Now I am whole again even with all of the medical problems I have been having in the last six months and I have had alot of pain at time I am still happier now then is was,I know this will pass I will get better and back to being able to go places and be fun mom again LOL if I had taken meds it probably would have been years before fun mom was seen again ....Now I try to me fun mom in the house LOL
I am 719 days clean. Today i am alive as i wouldnt be had i kept using. Death was knocking at my door. I discovered that i really did have a soft spot inside of me. I am able to really love, to laugh, to feel emotions and i no longer live a lie. Each day i wake up is a new beginning for me. The challenges i face head on along with the pain. I no longer have to numb myself up. The joys far outweigh the pain now. When i look in the mirror i like the person looking back at me. I am still stubborn as a bull but i have learned to pick my battles. I have learned that being selfish is okay as long as it is in a healthy way like taking care of me. I have layed to rest alot of the guilt that ate me alive most of my life and i no longer will take someone elses guilt on my shoulders. I have learned to appreciate the little things in life that arent really little at all. Many bad things happen being an addict but at the same time there are a ton of good things that come from it when we are recovering. I am and always will be a work in progress~~~~sara
Sooooo glad I made you smile :)))
Yep you were close!!! lololol
I meant amsterdam lol. I was close tho right?
You brag away Sophie, you have a lot to be proud of and how far you have come now. Your comment made me smile and I am happy for you. I still want to see all those dykes in Holland, lmao.
Well I'm 299 days and 29 days clean and my life changed drastically.
It feels so much better, still have bad days but, hey, who doesn't? I enjoy stuff again that I thought were lost for good. I thought I would never been able to create w/o dope, I thought I would never play music the way I did when I was high, I thought I would never been able to paint once clean and Boy was I wrong..... It feels 100 times better now. Actually I wasn't feeling anything anymore... I see things that I wouldn't have been able to see before. I appreciate life much more too and I'm thankful for every single day that I can make clean. One day at a time...
As far as forgiving myself, I think I can say that I did. I surrendered, I stopped trying to be Ms Perfect and it's more "take it or leave it now" and "I can't win 'em all".
I think I can say I found myself and I pretty much like what I see. wow I'm bragging!!! lol Well ya know what I mean!!! I just hated the zombie I was when I used and now that I'm clean, I feel like on top of the World :)
Well enuff bragging for now! lol Enjoy your Freedom Gizz, it has no price.