THANK YOU EVERYONE

[kimbraveheart]

Hi Everyone, I just want to say a BIG Thank You to all of you for helping James get through the days whilst I was in hospital. This is usually a bad time for James and has caused many relapses on previous occasions. But this time he sailed through it. I am very proud of him, but I also know he done it with a lot of help from you guys. The biggest thank you must be on properly domesticating him LOL, especially with the new hoover. He didnt even know how to switch it on before i went in, but know hes a dab hand at it and i have given him the go-ahead to have a full blown addiction to housework LOL. But seriously, i cannot thank you enough for helping him through this. He told me that you were all brilliant and encouraged him all the way and advised him on keeping himself busy so that his mind wouldnt wander to things they shouldnt have been. And the garden OMG i couldnt believe it. I never saw James as a gardener before but now hes building his own rockery !!! He still doesnt know the name of plants etc but hell get there and it will keep him busy for a while, and also give him something to do through the summer. When we ever get it that is, as we have had more snow and getting more. It amazes me sometimes that the people we have met on MH, most of who are thousands of miles away are such a big part of our lives. You are all such an amazing bunch of people who have become very special to us. I honestly dont know how to thank you all. I am lost for words. A first for me lol.  I know this isnt really a proper post but i would be here for a week going round everyone that helped, so i thought this was the only way to thank you all. I will post some notes tonight and send my msgs tomorrow. If i miss anyone out, im really sorry but there are so many of you, this was the only way i could make sure that i thanked you all. I also want to thank you for helping me with the Gonzo charachter. He started on me the night before while i was online in the hospital, i couldnt believe what he was saying, but MH had my back and id like to thank them too as they had his stuff deleted very quickly. Our life story, you couldnt possibly make up. I wish it was all a lot of nonsense. We wouldnt be in the situation we are in if it was. I would love all the stuff we have been through and are still going to not be true,i really do, but it is and we just have to take each day as it comes, and i honestly hope he never has to go through what we have been through, and God forgive him for the things he was saying to me about my illness etc. Its also obvious he has never been into a heavy drug scene or hed know that what happened to James is par for the course when you involve yourself with people like that. It was a bad thing to happen but i think it brought a few things home to James and completely changed his outlook on the drug scene. In a way it turned out okay, as a very good friend helped us and made sure they wouldnt be back and it showed James how bad things had become. They say God works in mysterious ways, and in this case i think he did. Anyway, id just like to say thanks again, you are all wonderful people. Big hugs to all of you.....Kim

[stilltrying1965]

Hi, thanks for your reply. I feel quite qood just now, just a bit tired and sick of the sight of hospitals lol. Im glad that James could help you, i think we all need a little bit of help sometimes. Please dont apologize for your mental state depending on your husbands sobriety, i understand completely. I also have been with James for over 20 years, 27 to be exact. I think everyone should take their marriage vows seriously, if they dont they shouldnt really be married thats just my opinion, but as i say i do understand. When we were in active addiction, there were many times we detoxed only to relapse again, and it wasnt james that was the first to relapse all the time, it was me that sometimes planted the seed to go and score knowing he would want to if i spoke about it often enough. It worked both ways for us. I have stood by him through countless relapses, although the last one was the hardest to cope with but i never once thought i would walk away forever and not come back just because he had relapsed, he stood by me when i done it so i would always stand by him if he relapsed. I know what it feels like and i know your husband doesnt want to be an addict, none of us want to be in active addiction. Its a horrible life and we hate it, but its so hard to stay out of. He will hate his relapses as the guilt eats away at us when we do relapse and realise that we have to go through all the terrible w/ds and the mental anxiety again. It must be so hard for you though as it is a one sided addiction in your marriage and its terrible to watch someone we love go through all the horrors of addiction. Im glad to hear that you are looking after yourself, you must remember to think about yourself when you are caring for someone who is an addict/ex addict as it can become a very tiring and lonely life. But its also good that you are getting more honesty from him, its another step forward for the both of you. You sound like you are very good at gardening. We are just starting out with the gardening stuff but we like it and it takes our minds of drugs. Your right, its wonderful to watch something you planted as a seed grow into something that you can eat or just look at. I also have long conversations with god or anyone who will listen when im in the garden. Im glad that you are staying on this site and posting as it can help a lot reading other peoples stories and just even venting helps sometimes. There are also a lot of great people on this site who are extremely honest and caring and will help anyone in need. You are a strong wonderful person who both james and I care for deeply and want you to be happy. I send you loads of hope, strength and love and i keep you in my thoughts as you are going through this hard time in your life but you will both get through it, i know you will. Much love to you....Kim

Sara, i feel a lot better now, thanks but i couldnt catch James with the camera  when he was hoovering, he watches closely but believe me when i tell you Freddie mercury eat your heart out lol. He would have been perfect for the video in I want to break free !!!

[dominosarah]

I hope you are feeling better Kim.......

Did you get some photos of James with the Hoover?!!!!  Enjoy the garden~~~~sara

[maryjanel]

Hello!  I am elated you are out of the hospital!  One more thing you can be proud of James for besides continued sobriety is his genuine compassion and caring for others.  For instance, me.
He sent me a message of encouragement.  It was so needed as I have my dark days of feeling defeated in my quest for sobriety for my husband.
I just at times feel like I cannot do anything but walk away.  You know I cannot right now without literlly living on the street.  that is how broke I am.  Anyways, that doesn't matter, what matters is you are home!  Whoo Hoo!
I hope you are feeling well.  We have missed you and are glad you are back to the site as you make so much of a difference in people's lives as well as Wonderful James.
So, how do you feel?  I hope strong.  I also hope the snow days are behind you in jolly ole Engand!  
Gardening is so awesome!  I agree. It seems for me personally, I do my best conversations with God when I am toiling in the soil.  It happens all the time.  I can't help it even.  When I get to gardening, after less than a half hour, I seem to begin talking to God.  About so many things.  Of course I hear no answer, I only feel them sometimes.  Another thing I love about gardening is growing things from seed.  What a trip it is to watch something come out of a tiny seed! When the plant grows and eventually makes a fruit or vegetable for me and my family to eat, I feel so accomplished even though I know it was mostly God who really grew the plant, but I was allowed to be the "planter" and best of all, I reap the benefits of sowing the harvest.
It is much like fighting the good fight on this site.
Everyone helps everyone.  No judging, no berating, only love.  The kind words are like watering, it feeds some of us in the best way.  The love and caring that comes across in people's words are like the sun warming us, and helping us to grow.
You both are wonderful gardeners Kim and James.
I love you both so very much and wish the best of continued health!
I keep trying.  I feel a little better.  I have chronic pain now, and I choose not to take opiate painkillers, as of course that would be catastrophic in my home.  My therapist helps me with my mind as much as he can, and my PCP has upped my SSRI for me.
My heart beats incredibly fast on a regular basis, and it is unhealthy.  I am working on that as well, so I really am taking care of myself as much as possible.
I apologize that my mental state is so dependant on my husband's sobriety, but I have been with this man for over 20 years, and I married him in front of God and witnesses, I take my marriage seriously, and I get so defeated when he relapses.  I do not however, show any disdain or disgust for him when he does.  I would be cruel to do so as I know he hates his relapses as much as I do.  I am getting slightly more honesty out of him just recently which is a plus.  I need to keep on this site.  I learn so much, and get so empowered by the things I read here.
Kim, I wish you love, peace, health, laughter, wellness, good food, good lovin', and contentment.  You are so going to get there just by being yourself, and James being himself.  CONGRATULATIONS to you both!
Love,
MJ

[kimbraveheart]

Thank you so much, it really helps knowing there are genuine people out there who really do care. We certainly seem to have very similair lives. Im so glad your wife is better. 30 yrs is a long time to be together, it must have been so hard for you to watch her going through it all, i know James hates it, i would hate it if i were in that position too, it must be very hard for our life partners to watch us go through these horrible illnesses and with addiction on top of that, it really is a struggle. Me being ill and in hospital was always a trigger for James but he seems to have learned to cope with it now. All of you really helped him,he did tell me that he couldnt have got through it without you all. Im so thankful for that. My drs have also told me that ill never get better, but maybe as you say God has different plans, i really hope so. Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers. We are so thankful to have people like you Mark in our lives. Warm hugs for you and your lovely wife....Kim

[gnarly_1]

HI KIM glad to see your back home and doing better...James was a real trooper thew the whole thing....I have followed your story since I have been on this forum and can so relate to the 2 of you....my wife and I where also both addicts although she quit in her early 20s it took an act of God the first time I got set free only to wind up back addicted
4 rs later to the pills...my wife was also chronically ill and bed ridden for almost 7yrs
so I know what James is feeling ...its really hard to watch your wife be sick but after 7rys of hopelessness God healed my wife and today she is healthy once again so dont loose faith God does come thew sometimes...he dose it on his terms I had lost all faith
that she was ever going to get better the dr said she wouldn't but God had a different plan for her life  we also have a long history with each other we been together 30yrs
so our lives have a lot of common denominators....I keep both of you in my nightly prayers....my mind races b/4 I go to sleep so I put it to good use and pray for those that touch my life and your two have...I hope life smooths out a bit for the 2 of you and may God bless you abundantly...your friend and fellow addict....Mark