Don't be ashamed of being an addict; and don't take any info on hear as a solution; every single brain is wired completely different and it is all trial and error when it comes to mental health disorders/diseases; make an apt with a psych I would see a psych ASAP but be careful some just write scripts for whatever you ask; educate yourself and be firm with your Dr; hopefully you and you dr find a med combo that makes you happy in a short time frame; I've been clean from heroin/coke for a little over a year; and I didn't know I was bipolar until last summer! I'm on vyvanse 125 mg, adderrall 30mg, keppra, 300mg, Wellbutrin30g and klonopin4 mg; some people think that's too much but , some may be on more; as far as seizures and heart attack, I did the same at a higher amount in addition to others for 5 years; nothing bad happened but my liver metabolizes drugs really fast, regarding narcotics it's like having a high tolerance from the start 4mg of klonopin is considered high but 3mg didn't do **** I'd never taken it before I'm 5'8, 163, 5% BF; my one fat friend 5'11, 265, is prescribed 1mg per day and mostly break in half; as soon as you find the right meds you will be awesome; if anyone judges or says something derogatory, if you hot call them ugly, smart call stupid, etc...I hope you get my point and get something from it
Everyday is a horrible whirlwind for me. Someone commented in a previous post that I have a wonderful boyfriend. The fact that he never touched drugs was wonderful, but he has a horrible gambling problem, along with many other problems, which is just as bad as a dug addiction. This last month has been emotionally exhausting. On my original post I did not mention that both my parents struggled with addiction my entire life. My father left when I was a few months old and I didn't meet him until I turned 21. He is extremely damaged from his drug use and is skitsofrennic and just mentally is not all there. Growing up I lived with my grandparents and my mom was constantly in and out. She was addicted to meth and pills, or anything she could get her hands on. When I turned 11 she met a man, got married, had my brother, and I moved into an apartment with them. I felt so happy, I thought I finally had what I always wanted which was a stable family. Within a year it all fell apart, my mom was using drugs and my brothers dad used allot of pain killers. I took a two week vacation to visit my aunt and I got a phone call from my grandparents who told me my mom was using and I had a choice: live with my aunt or move back in with my grandparents, I chose to live with my aunt. I was probably 12 when that happened, and I always had hope that my mom would get clean and be the mother that she always promised to be. I just wanted to be a family, I loved my brother so much I wanted everything to be normal. She never cleaned up. She would go to meetings, work the 12 steps, make amendments with me and everyone else she hurt and then she would relapse. This happened my entire life. I moved out on my own when I was 18 and by that point I had grown to seriously resent and hate her because it was too late. I was an adult and the chance she had to take care of me was gone. She would cry and ask what she could do to make it better and I told her to be there for my brother, give him what she never gave me. When in fact, my brother had it allot worse than me. He lived through and has seen her having seizures and terrible things that I was guarded from when I was young. Finally my mom seemed like she was on the right track. She got an apartment and invited my aunt, brother and me over to be with her..but it was too late. We all resented her so much and had such a wall around out hearts. She was a hair stylist and she begin to color my hair and come to my apartment and I felt like we were finally bonding again. I let my wall down and let her back in my heart. Soon after we went on a family vacation and I had a feeling she was using. About a month later she called everyone in the family and said she relapsed. I was completely done with her. I was just so mad. She supposedly got clean again and she would call me or try and spend time and I was so horrible to her I would never answer her calls, when I was around her I was so rude I just resented her. The last time I talked to her she sounded really messed up on the phone. Two days later I found out she died. That was May 2, 2013. The otopsy showed she had meth in her system but she most likely died of a massive seizure. Because I didn't talk to her often, I didn't feel much of a change until these last two months. I feel so guilty for the way I treated her. The last time I saw her was my birthday last year. My birthday just passed two days ago, March 30. It is no longer my birthday, it is the last day I saw my mom, and I was such a ***** to her. I just hate myself for that. My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago because we fought allot. It was just the worst timing. I have abandonment issues from my childhood, I'm having a really hard time dealing with her death, my birthday was hell and the 1 year anniversary of her death is coming up. All while I am struggling with my own addiction. Sorry to ramble on, I thought I would give a little more background information. But yes, everyday is a whirlwind. I'm having a really hard time, probably the hardest I have ever had in life right now. I have cut the adderrall down to twice a week, I took norco twice last week, and cut the xanax down to about 3 mg a day, progressively throughout the day. I don't want to live like this, I don't want to end up like my mom. I am afraid. Thank you for all the responses, I have truly been alone with my addiction. I appreciate it so much that I can talk with you about this, and that everyone seems to genuinely care. Thanks again. I'm trying every day to take less and less, life is just really hard right now. I know that's a crutch and an excuse to use..but that is just the way I feel.
I imagine everyday is a bit of a whirlwind for you, but I'm real curious about how serious you are about this. I've done your cocktail before, it is not a safe place to be. Your youth is keeping you alive for now, just curious what you are thinking a day later. Keep us posted.
Agree awesome post weaver I think most addicts feel that way.....like they make us better...but they rob us of the best things life has to offer
HI well you attained what I call ''sideways'' and it is dangerous first off you never start out on 2mg zanex the proper first dose is .25 then up from there as for the narcos 3 a day is perscribed not 7 now you add addril and get ''sideways'' you up on one nunb on the other and sedated on the third this is never a good solution but it is the way a addict takes things your to young to let drugs control your life and all 3 of these will come with withdrawals this will be hard for even the most tolerant of drugs it is time you stopped and look at your life your a addict....so am I the difference is I never pick up any more and work a 12 step recovery program time to take time out of your life to get well and put all this down before it kills you!!!! you need to address the disease try N/A out it will give you the support and give you a way to quit this mess your in remember you never know when your body will react and overdose what was fine for a 100 times will kill you on your 101 time it is a gamble you are taking daily no one here can tell you when or how much it will take this life style only ends in institution jails or death time to wake up and get clean...................Gnarly.....................
Hi there & Welcome!
Thanks for posting & sharing your story with us. You sound like a self-aware person who has a bright future ahead of her if you can manage to find your way out of this dangerous & downwardly spiraling maze.
I hear you on seeking focus, enjoying the feelings, etc. of these various drugs but I just wanted you to know (& you probably know this already) that the effects become less & less euphoric & 'useful' & more & more fraught with physical danger/complications & progressively wreak greater & greater havoc in your life.
Basically, you're addicted to speed, the roughest benzo out there & an opiate. (Quite a combo:) You're young. If you stop now, you have a good chance of bouncing back neurologically & emotionally/mentally but I should tell you that terrible things can happen to you early on. (I almost died a couple of times when I was on opiates & coke @ 19 & spent months in the hospital.) The longer you wait, the harder it is to come off these drugs & recover your life. So, time is of the essence. (Take it from an old hand!:))
The first thing that you might want to do is to read some of the posts & journals here of people who were where you're at. We always have some reason to use. (ie. It helped me with homework.) The thing is, (& I'm not being alarmist here) all that hard work will be for naught if you continue to use. (That's a promise, unfortunately!) Accepting this is part of understanding the true nature of addiction & is vital in getting clean.(I think it's great that you've come to terms with the fact that you're an addict, btw!) Some clear-headed soul-searching to discover what you're triggers are & how badly you want to stop & what that might entail would be your next step. The third step would be to steel your determination & put together a plan to drop these meds (probably one at a time or 2 at once & then the benzo -- which should be a Dr.-supervised taper.) A well-laid plan for detox & beyond is key. The real challenge (though I'm by no means minimizing the difficulty of acute withdrawal!) lies in learning to sit in your own skin & dealing with life on life's terms without reaching for something to change your chemistry/mood. This all takes bravery, consistency/grit & a real desire to change your life. I know this might sound grim but it's Absolutely Doable & you'll be so glad that you did!
Please, let us know what you think & how you're doing. You deserve a life of peace & possibility & this is the way out of the place you're at. We're here & we're pulling for you!!;))
As an addict, I thought drugs helped me focus, work, be present with the family after work. At your age the consequences were minimal, jail is a piece of cake compared to what I went through getting clean. On drugs, my education was useless, my family saw me as a stranger, I eventually had to chose between life or drugs, even if they didn't kill me, they still took every single part of my life away. Most of us come to a realization like that, they made us feel better, but in fact, they actually made us perform worse. I like CBT counseling. I have found all those little reasons I said I was using were not as clear as I thought. My thinking was sick, so I took medicine. I am working on new ways to focus and have energy, to deal with problems and show affection. Everything is being repaired from 30 yrs of drugs, but I feel bad about waiting my early years and feel like the real me is coming out for the first time since I was a kid. As for OD, done it plenty, but if I had kept using, it really didn't matter if I lived or not the last years. It won't be easy, but I highly suggest you find new ways to cope with all the things that make you believe drugs are helping. I understand though, I chose to do it the hard and painful way, so I hAve no judgement about your choices. I simply plan on spending the years I half left sober and progressing toward my highest potential. I let drugs decide how good I could be for far too long.
As you already seem to know, you should be tapered off the Xanax for sure. You've been taking it regularly, which puts you at risk for w/d consequences like seizures.
If you can, get a doctor's help with this. Coming off three addictive meds is rough. I would really not recommend trying to wing that on your own.
Please listen to the advice you have been given... You are on a very, very, dangerous path right now and you NEED to get off it, ASAP...
Yesyoudo need to quit this. You have a wonderful boyfriend and a bright future ahead of you after you graduate. These pills and experimenting will only ruin all that.
There are many natural vitamins and supplements that can help.
One is l- tyrosine. You buy it in the vitamin aisle. 500mg. It helps with energy, anxiety, and concentration. It has been a life saver for many here that have quit drugs and pills. Read up on it for how much to take but start at the low level and do not exceed the maximum. TheThomas Recipe gives it too.
Adderall is very addicting. So is Xanax and 2mg is a huge dose. I haven't known anyone to have more than 1 mg and they find 1/2 a pill works just fine.
Please quit all this. Keep posting here and we will help you through it. The first step is admitting and you have done that. Now move forward.
Using becomes a habit and before us addicts realize the path we're on, using has become necessary for survival. You write about the unsuccessful use of mind altering drugs. You wrote "Although i am not proud of it, I can admit that I am an addict." Congratulations! That's the beginning of recovery. Once the admission is made it clears the way. If you read our stories on here you'll see that we've found a way out of using and we're into a new and better way of living. From my personal experience, I felt all alone with my addiction. When I decided I'd had enough, I got with other addicts in recovery for support and a whole new world opened up for me. I found that the recovering addict is my addiction's worst enemy. I couldn't but WE can.
We're not doctors on this forum, although some in recovery on here are in the field of medicine and can probably address your question. To me it sure sounds like it's not a very good mix of drugs you're doing. Back in the day I mixed all sorts of drugs, but it all spelled one word: addiction. My using was but a symptom of my disease. I used to live and lived to use. Look at the disease of addiction as a big iceberg. Using is just a small part of the tip. In recovery we learn how to address what lies below.
It sounds like you're at a fork in the road. One road leads to recovery, the other leads to jails, institutions and death. We will support you in detoxing. But with the drugs you mention, I think you may need some medical supervision. There is a risk a seizures as you mention. Always look at moving towards detox as a positive step and never fear going to get medical supervision to get physically well again. The detoxing part is an event that will pass in a matter of weeks. But recovering becomes an entire way of life. It's your call. If you want to use it's your business but if you want to stop, then it becomes our business. We're here to help. I wish you the best.
I agree with the above posters.
You're flirting with disaster hon. You need a solid recovery program that you're going to stick to and put the work in. You've not really ever been "clean", you just switched up your usage here and there, and now it is escalating, as addiction does. Addiction is a progressive disease, and the ONLY outcomes you can ever have with addiction is death, institutionalized (ie jail) or recovery. That's the options.
I really hope you seek some help for yourself, and soon. You're going to need help safely getting off this combination of meds, with Xanax having the most risks. You need to get off this roller coaster.
Best of luck to you.
The back pain might be your kidneys or liver. Please see someone about this. It is very dangerous and very hard on your body friend. It sounds like you have a lot going for you and it would be a shame for you to end up another casualty. Please seek some sort of help .
Hello and welcome. Hun whenever you use drugs there is a risk of overdose.
Mixing 3 different types of drugs is very dangerous. It gives your brain, heart mixed signals.
The adderall gives you heart palpitations. You are using too much.
The doctor prescribed you a hefty dose of xanax, 2mg is alot as a first script.
You have been up, down and all around experimenting with drugs.
Already having arrests. The drugs are giving you a false sense of security
And motivation.
You should seek counseling, attend substance abuse groups, change your
Friends, tell the doctor you are An addict, start an exercise regiment, attend church.
This addiction will continue to get worse before it gets before.
It is good you admit you are an addict. It is good you are concerned,
As you should be. Please Hun seek lots of help.
This is no way to continue living.
my advice is to get off everything very dangerous to be mixing drugs will bring you nothing but trouble your young go to meetings get clean sound like you have a fairly good head on your shoulders stop using it will get you nowhere but more addicted!! that just my opinion