Telling your family

[On2better]

How did you tell them? Did they already know? How did they react when you said "I have a problems and I need help"

I dreaded telling my family my shameful secret, especially since addiction was always so taboo in my fam. I had a drunk uncle and pill popping cousin who were never around and my mom always talked about them like she was so disgusted with the way they lived. I first came clean to my husband who thought "ok, she has a problem but now she's getting clean and I love her regardless" that was wonderful until I relapsed repeatedly. Crying in withdrawals I would feel so low, and he was mad and disappointed and didn't know how to support me. Now he shows his love by encouraging me to attend NA as much as possible,

I also had to tell my parents about a year ago because I was stealing from grandmas Norco candy jar (in their house) and it had to stop.  My dad hugged me and was happy I was taking this step. My mom was p*ssed off, but that passed. As time goes by it's getting easier to open up about recovery. My siblings know, my close friends know. And guess what? They all think it's great and they're so proud of me! Like how could anyone be proud of me for completely fu**ing up my life? I guess it's because I finally had the guts to do something about it. And I'm doing it!

So let's hear about your family dynamics....

[Jtb12]

I am very lucky when it comes to family, I'm very close with my mother and grandparents as well as my husband. So they all know what I'm going thru. I have been very honest since the beginning.  My addiction came from back problems and multiple surgeries. The funny thing is the one thing I did to try and help myself was surgery and that's the one thing that got me addicted.  I honestly believe being honest and upfront is the best way to go. I know I felt embarrassed and felt like everyone would look down on me but then I realized that if anyone did then they obviously never been thru what I have.  Good luck

[Jenny9906]

My husband and I are VERY private people...we keep our issues within the walls of our home, we don't air our dirty laundry out there for all to see. He has been aware of my issues since I was aware of my issues.  I've been on and off pills for close to 8 years now. Up until recently my husband was my supplier and enabler. Its a complicated issue...he has serious back issues at a young age (he's only 35) and has to take pain meds or else the pain is too bad for him to function. And I have a history of mental issues (depression, anxiety, possible inattentive ADD) and that's the reason I ended up on the pills...they "fixed" all of my mental stuff, or at least I thought they did. My husband felt bad for me so would give me pills.  That's the way it has gone. Until the past few months, I found myself lying, swiping more pills out of his bottle without telling him, etc...just bad stuff..my addiction was getting worse. So this was the first time I actually told him that I needed help. He had a feeling it was getting worse, and was wondering why his pill count was off so much and so often. Initially he was very supportive, until I told him how I was lying and swiping pills...he got pretty upset with me, and I cried a lot that day, but he got over it, realized that I have a legit problem, and has been very strong in helping me through this. He is my life line...my rock...I don't know what I would do without him. Anyways...I'm not too close with my parents, they live in a different state...and while I text and talk on the phone to them, this isn't really something that I would bring up to them. They are my only family, and they are NOT understanding people whatsoever...especially my dad. Let's put it this way...I have been a smoker on and off (mostly on) since I was 18...my dad does NOT know this, and I am 33 years old. I would rather die than tell him I smoked. I actually ended up quitting for good a year ago. When I would go visit him I would buy the patch to wear, and I would make excuses to go run out to the store just so I could have a cig.  I'm not kidding. I know it's ridiculous...but it's just how my parents are.  He doesn't even know about my tattoos...because that is another thing I would rather die than tell him.  I wear clothes that cover my tats when I see him.  I'm 33 freakin years old, a very independent woman, a wife, a mom of 2 kids, a successful photographer and writer, and I'm afraid of my dad. I'm awesome like that. So as you can imagine, I'm not about to tell my parents that I see about 2 times a year that I'm a pill popper. My best friend knows about it, and another very close friend of mine knows too. I told them both when I decided to get clean on Dec 7...when I actually admitted to myself that I'm an addict. They were both very supportive and didn't judge me like I was afraid they would. They have been great to me through this time....I'm very thankful to have these friends who are so understanding. But that's it. Everyone else thinks I'm normal...but they probably think I have a real crappy immune system because of the number of times I've been "sick" over the past 8 years (withdrawal crap).  I might not have a zillion people who know about my addiction, but the 3 people that do know...are VERY close to me, and matter the most as far as my addiction goes.  Sorry for rambling on...I'm just in that mood today ;) I'm actually very thankful for this MH community too...because I can be very open about me and my issues without judgment and it is also very comforting knowing that everyone here has similar issues that I have.

[mamaof4410]

My husband was like "How am I supposed to help YOU" I never knew what he meant until I had 4 months clean. I had to help myself. No one could do it for me. My mom and my grandma were my biggest enablers. My grandma was giving 10mg narcos and my mom was buying and using heroin with me. When I finally said enough they were shocked. My husband was dissapointed cuz he had no idea. Im and 26 we have been together for almost 12 years. He felt like he didnt know who I had become. At first I would make him take the car keys and lock the gate so I counldnt leave and he would never give me cash. I have come along way in the last year. My mom and my grandma havent helped much. If I wanted to right now I could ask my mom to get me a 20 of heroin but I know if I go back all of my hard work would have been for nothing and Im not going back there. Its a hard ship to sail when youre alone with this kind of secret. The best thing to do is let ppl know so they can give that positive support you need. Yes its embarrasing but knowing you have the support from people that love and care about you is an amazing feeling.

[Heather8448]

My family always knew never offered help
I told them I was on coke when my mom was diagnosed with a deadly cancer
my dad funded my drugs
I grew up in a middle class drug free house
a fence yard 3 kids 3 dogs
"picture perfect" so addiction though not new maybe they ignored it as i did...
they knew I took pills
I downplayed my addiction when i was using for days/weeks straight I said i was sleeping with a migrane or what ever
they believed me till I'd call my dad in a pannic needing dope money or my x would hurt me
he always gave

I am ashamed of that

none of us are unique
my family new even if I played that they didnt

just remember you are only as sick as your secrets thats what i tell others
My patents are dead now...my whole family knows and supports me kind of

[On2better]

I agree. Kyle. You were one who encouraged me to tell mine when I first came here and I thought "yeah right, he just doesn't understand MY family." Like I'm so unique right? and wow, what a relief to finally tell them! By not sharing your secret you are perpetuating your own denial and digging deeper into despair and desperation. Not that you have to shout it from the rooftop all at once. But it was so important in my recovery to be open with the people who love me.

[kyle505]

Great post...I'm a father, a provider, the person my wife and kids go to when a problem pops up or there's an issue that they need help with. But I'm also an addict, have been telling lies for years, and have spewed so much BS that I can't remember half of what was said.
When I told them almost two years ago they pretty much already knew that something wasn't right with me. So they were relieved, forgave me, and told me that they loved me. They are part of my support system, and I would not be approaching two years clean without them.
Telling your secret is a must. Period.
K