The Committee Of Idiots

[Back_2_life]

The committee of idiots, that's what I call the voices in my head that try and justify my addiction. They advise me that I need pills to live my life, they tell me that I should fear life without pills and that I am not strong enough to give them up. They also remind me that I suffered from horrible depression before pills and that that's all that awaits me when and if I do quit. They tell me that I'm different then other addicts, I've suffered more in life and those tragedys have earned me the right to numb my pain. They tell me that I have no choice but to keep using, that there is no life after pills. They also remind me how wicked my withdrawals are and say mean things like "your gonna suffer like that?? For what? You know you won't last! You might even die from wds!!" Yes they're a stupid yet convincing bunch. Well today I fired them and I'm replacing the committee of idiots with the Committee of recovery. Any time one of the idiotic voices tries to deter me from quitting I'm going to shut it up and consciously replace the idiots thought with one of recovery. The new committee will advise me that yes, it's going to be hard but for all my suffering I will have my life back. They'll remind me of the fact I used to feel, that a favorite song would stir up emotions I've forgotten about, that I will be free from the stranglehold pills have on me. No more negative thinking, it was that negative thinking that got me in this position and I'm going to try and silence those voices that tell me I can't be free. I CAN be free if I choose it. And I am, at the end of October (maybe sooner) I'm checking myself into a detox center and going to hit NA meetings right as soon as I get out. This will be my final detox, I've truly had enough and am sick of this insanity called pill addiction. Praying for God to give me strength--and a much smarter committee to advise me. ;)

[vicki595]

Funny how we share the same voices...huh?

I'm proud of you. I'm glad you're going and you need to when it's the only way. I hope you'll be fine.  Now,don't go crazy before check in time...just a word to the wise...

Good luck to you!

[IBKleen]

I got a whole lot of folks talking to me..and they argue too!

I will pray for you to make it to the detox. I wish you the best.

[Back_2_life]

Thanks guys, I feel good knowing I have this place to come for support and yes Vicki I'm going to watch my intake. Actually doing better, had a few days where I went crazy on them but down to my normal amount of 100-140, still ridiculous but better then 200+ like I was doing.

I'm nervous but do feel better knowing I'll be under medical supervision this time and just not being alone while detoxing should help. There is a long waiting list to get in and earliest is end of October but I'm also on a cancellation list so could be sooner. At any rate I'm going to get my Thomas recipe stuff and keep it handy in case they do call me early. And yes, that committee even had me convinced I could solve my pill problem..with pills. Yep, they aren't the brightest bunch that committee.. ;) ibkleen, mine argue too! Wow maybe our committee members are related! Well of course they are! Lol

[jimimiddlefinger]

Don't feel bad friend. I have a same committee running around in my head. They're alot like congress....

good luck to you

[narla]

I think all addicts must have this committee of voices,maybe they all went to the same school.I've just become a snob and I'm ignoring them.

[Lindsay_T]

Make New Norm the head of your Recovery committee. When I freak out and start hearing my addiction voices, I try to hit "pause" and tell myself "Okay. Everything is Okay. This is the new normal." The new normal is to do X,Y or Z withOUT pills. So how I am feeling (anxious, tired, mad, sad, happy) is just fine because it is the new normal.

[worried878]

Addiction is a rough disease...lingers it seems like/I dont think it goes away...and I have always thot it was my addiction talking to me....it literally took over my brain and I did not think like i used to...much of it was subtle....people had to know me well to notice but still couldnt guess why..just i was distant//and most didnt ever notice...but i did and I was depressed at this point being on pills/i was isolating and gobbling pills//what a happy life and going broke in the process!....so i wasnt really giving up anything...cept possibly depression when i quit///way i looked at//i was depressed either way
I took responsibility for what my brain tried to talk me into doing and it wasnt easy...My brain belongs to me...addiction roots deeply in an addicts brain..and why aftercare was so important for me.  For a long time, i had to constantly remind myself that i was who had control of my brain and not the pills

It gets better....I rtarely think about pills..unless stress hits so i try hard to keep my life in order//but cant always do that//but at least i know when stress hits i gotta be extra careful...i know what to do now vs running to my old escape mechanism.

[laurel453]

Back2Life .. great reading your post !!!! :) your fighting spirit and a better frame of mind are back 2 you :)  keep on walking on this path :) i am pulling for you !!!!!!!

[Back_2_life]

Narla, your post made me smile..think I'll start givin them the cold shoulder too!

Worried, like you I've isolated a lot. I ended up lonely so did more pills so I wouldn't feel lonely. Isolated more and felt more lonely..thus goes the crazy cycle. I agree I'll have to retrain my brain to think differently. That's where aftercare comes in. As they say "my best thinking got me here" so to go to meetings and seek out people who have been in my spot and recovered will be very uplifting.

Linsay, think I'll have to hook up with new norm he sounds like a good guy to have on my side ;)

Laurel, thank you so much. It means a lot to have people believe in me. Especially since I seem to have a hard time believing in myself sometimes. And congrats on all that clean time!! Is it true about 90 days being the amount of time to start feeling "normal" I kind of believe it. Even in NA they emphasize 90 days. I'm really going to give it all I got to get there. The longest I've gone is a month, I think I'll get on an antidepressant now though so it'll be in full effect once I go to detox.

Yes, it will be nice to let my sick addicted brain finally heal. I know I have a long hard road ahead but I'm determined to do this. I want to be clean and free of pills. And finally silence that committee of idiots in my head.

[gnarly_1]

Hey interesting post.....I know them dudes to....they tell me im fine now...that I could handle it now that I have been clean a wile....just a handful of pills will make all the stress go away
there a convincing bunch...but sometimes you just got to ask yourself is this rashenal thinking or is it the addict in me rearing its ugly head...im glad you realize that it is the very way we think that needs to change...the pills are just a symptom of addiction there not the cause the cause is complex its what goes on inside our heads its a defect in the very way we think and its got to be changed in order to get well....you know you said your going to start N/a when you get out of detox....the only prerequisite for N/A is the desire to quit...start now and start retraining your brain to live clean and sober you can never start to soon ...I started with a substance abuse conslor over 2 yrs ago..im coming up on a yr clean God willing in 2 weeks ..I still go to N/a meetings also you can never get in enough recovery care ...I tell everyone put as much time into recovery as you did into active addiction and you will live a clean and sober lifestyle that you will enjoy ....I wish you the best of luck at the detox center theres no shame in asking for help if you need it from your post your starting to get what this is all about and you already know the struggles get out and jump start your recovery its never to soon good luck on your journey stick with us and keep posting may God be with you threw all of this....Gnarly