Aa
The Joys of Withdrawl
Well, after an hour or two of reading everyone elses heart felt post I decided to pull the trigger. no pun intended although has been thought of as of recent :-/ , Its a scary thing to lose ones self control. My father died in 2005 from a continuing drinking problem, I feel in some ways thats what got me to this point.
Depression is what got me here. A shoulder surgery laid the golden egg for all the drugs I could afford. roughly a year ago I began by sneaking a perc here or there from my poor mother who bless her sole was un-aware of the concequences that would soon follow. I am 22. young, to young, to dumb? who knows why we all screw up? This post is starting to lose focus.
Happens easily when one is in this state of mind, how does one go about explaining to a bunch of unknowns that they have a problem. I will continue; 1 perc 2 perc 3 perc 4 10-20-30-40 now i dont want them anymore. haha atleast I can crack a smile from a rhyme.
I am 3 days clean from a recent roxi/oxycodone 30mg x 6+ a day marathon for 3-6 months. Days have blured into weeks then into months. Started with the little perkys and worked my way to the 30's, after 1 was no more fun 2 became enough then 4 then snorting, smoking lost its edge.
I just wanted to feel normal.
dont we all?
I have severe depression; good news!? , tomorrow I have my first visit to a head shrink where I am going to unload on her a heavy burden on my mind.
Depression is what got me here. A shoulder surgery laid the golden egg for all the drugs I could afford. roughly a year ago I began by sneaking a perc here or there from my poor mother who bless her sole was un-aware of the concequences that would soon follow. I am 22. young, to young, to dumb? who knows why we all screw up? This post is starting to lose focus.
Happens easily when one is in this state of mind, how does one go about explaining to a bunch of unknowns that they have a problem. I will continue; 1 perc 2 perc 3 perc 4 10-20-30-40 now i dont want them anymore. haha atleast I can crack a smile from a rhyme.
I am 3 days clean from a recent roxi/oxycodone 30mg x 6+ a day marathon for 3-6 months. Days have blured into weeks then into months. Started with the little perkys and worked my way to the 30's, after 1 was no more fun 2 became enough then 4 then snorting, smoking lost its edge.
I just wanted to feel normal.
dont we all?
I have severe depression; good news!? , tomorrow I have my first visit to a head shrink where I am going to unload on her a heavy burden on my mind.
Just wanted to say I am day six and no opiates or weed , I cheated and had 1 cig last night though. I'll survive.
It is crazy to think I even typed the first post but it really helped me reading it each day to see my progress as well as feel my progress.
I think yesterday was a tough day on the physical and mental side. Today is really not to bad. I can tell things arnt quite how they where before but maybe in the following week it will be better. The stomach aches are less and I am gaining my apetite back little by little.
no gym this morning was able to sleep in to 9 am or so, versus 4-5am. I think more then anything my frustration is with the insomnia and restless leg syndrome around bedtime.
i was physically tired yawing and wanting to sleep yet had dificult time doing so. Even with the serequel I had to take a 1/2 of a xana to sleep. It was my last one.
Tonight is going to be intresting either I am going to fall alseep or not at all time will tell.
my mind is getting better too. I find myself occupied at work and socializing on a whole new level with very few thoughts of using in between which I think is a great improvement from the second to second thoughts of want and needing I was experiancing.
Each day is a new day and I must not lose sight of my goal of not touching opiates again, it will be difficult but I feel like I am doing well and continuing progress.
thank you to all who have supported me and continue to support others.
This website really has made a huge difference to me.
It is crazy to think I even typed the first post but it really helped me reading it each day to see my progress as well as feel my progress.
I think yesterday was a tough day on the physical and mental side. Today is really not to bad. I can tell things arnt quite how they where before but maybe in the following week it will be better. The stomach aches are less and I am gaining my apetite back little by little.
no gym this morning was able to sleep in to 9 am or so, versus 4-5am. I think more then anything my frustration is with the insomnia and restless leg syndrome around bedtime.
i was physically tired yawing and wanting to sleep yet had dificult time doing so. Even with the serequel I had to take a 1/2 of a xana to sleep. It was my last one.
Tonight is going to be intresting either I am going to fall alseep or not at all time will tell.
my mind is getting better too. I find myself occupied at work and socializing on a whole new level with very few thoughts of using in between which I think is a great improvement from the second to second thoughts of want and needing I was experiancing.
Each day is a new day and I must not lose sight of my goal of not touching opiates again, it will be difficult but I feel like I am doing well and continuing progress.
thank you to all who have supported me and continue to support others.
This website really has made a huge difference to me.
well as I sit here in bed getting ready to watch my marathon of war movies at 9:30pm I feel amazing compared to where I was. I want everyone who reads this and is feeling like **** to just hold out it keeps getting better, the continues progress becomes a high in itself. for to long I have hid my feelings and myself behind a smoke screen and I feel so much better getting this all out in the open.
I think it is very practical to say we all must live, minute by minute. as much as that ***** it can be done just as easily as given to whatever your addiction might be.
I am signing off as tomorrow awaits me and I must prove to myself, my family you all that soberity is a reality and a possability for us all.
-Pe@cE
I think it is very practical to say we all must live, minute by minute. as much as that ***** it can be done just as easily as given to whatever your addiction might be.
I am signing off as tomorrow awaits me and I must prove to myself, my family you all that soberity is a reality and a possability for us all.
-Pe@cE
Hey guy!!! lol.... No, I don't mind you asking, I used lortab and abused it also. :(
The sad thing is that after 5 yrs of it the dr. couldn't understand why 6 7.5mg a day wasn't holding me! I think he just thought that tolerance wasn't the problem. I can't really understand doctors, I really wish I had know how much sorrow (lortab) were to cause me in the next five years, but then it probably wouldn't have made any diff. I prob would have thought I could handle it, besides the pain issue was my main concern at that time in my life. ( still is but I just can't live like that anymore) sometimes I wish I could take just one ( or two ) but if I get busy or get on here and write, it really helps me.
So glad you are feeling better now.! Give it more time too. I think just abt any anti depressant takes a little while to get in your system good. I like the Cymbalta, it's making me gain weight which I needed... am scared to hit 120lbs tho so am trying to watch the snacks........ they're bad after supper! lol
Hope your tomorrows' all get better and better.......
Ella
The sad thing is that after 5 yrs of it the dr. couldn't understand why 6 7.5mg a day wasn't holding me! I think he just thought that tolerance wasn't the problem. I can't really understand doctors, I really wish I had know how much sorrow (lortab) were to cause me in the next five years, but then it probably wouldn't have made any diff. I prob would have thought I could handle it, besides the pain issue was my main concern at that time in my life. ( still is but I just can't live like that anymore) sometimes I wish I could take just one ( or two ) but if I get busy or get on here and write, it really helps me.
So glad you are feeling better now.! Give it more time too. I think just abt any anti depressant takes a little while to get in your system good. I like the Cymbalta, it's making me gain weight which I needed... am scared to hit 120lbs tho so am trying to watch the snacks........ they're bad after supper! lol
Hope your tomorrows' all get better and better.......
Ella
Im from WV and southern rock WELL IT JUST ROCKS!! and Skynryd Simple Man is my theme song. I wish you a very quick recovery, with no relasp ever. Talk to dominosara she is with me on this SOUTHERN ROCK playing in your ear will fix anything. Good luck friend
its quite alright ella, I am feeling great right now, its almost weird to say that but its what I am feeling.
I was going on such a tangent rant that I let my estrogen levels rise and cried out like a girl I suppose. I think its ok though as this thing tends to be one HELL of an emotional rollercoaster.
your up, your down, your up your down.
Ella if you dont mind me asking what is or was your beast of burden?
I was going on such a tangent rant that I let my estrogen levels rise and cried out like a girl I suppose. I think its ok though as this thing tends to be one HELL of an emotional rollercoaster.
your up, your down, your up your down.
Ella if you dont mind me asking what is or was your beast of burden?
Glad to hear your feeling better and congrats on all you've accomplished arleady. Watch the double-dosing on the Wellbutrin -- and on anything.. its addict behavior (you know this) and something you have to struggle not to do to get out of that mindsent. When I first quit, I found myself double-dosing on almost anything -- including Advil.. for no reason... just because its what we are use to.. one of the many things we have to work on right.. All in good time friend. For now, relish this freedom and dont ever forget how good it feels! Best of luck!
Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!! forgive me??? I should not have supposed the female thing, I'm just posting from the female aspect.
So sorry :(
Ella
So sorry :(
Ella
It sounds like you are leaving "purgatory" !!!!!!!!! yeah!!! You go girl~~
Each day will get better, just fight like he@@ when the urge(craves) comes and ride it out. You sound so good today!! :)
Ella
Each day will get better, just fight like he@@ when the urge(craves) comes and ride it out. You sound so good today!! :)
Ella
Well today is a new day, and as I look up to what I posted yesterday it doesnt even feel/look like something I wrote.
clearly something is happening.
I went to the Dr. this morning. it was a very strange experiance never in my life have I confessed my true sins to anyone I coudnt go as far as saying I shot up though just feel to guilty about that part but for the most part said all.
I will go back in 2 weeks for evaluation.
Been Rx'ed Wellbutrian http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bupropion
100mg 1x a day.
also
Seraquiel to help with sleep.
I ended taking 2 wellbutrian. probly not the best decision to start off with 1 is good 2 is better mindset which I have but after going threw the session and starting to get some strong WD urges I said fcuk it.
And honestly folks I feel much better. I peeked about 30-40 minutes after taking it and had the most glorious smile and good feeling in me. I am typing this from work if that says anythign in itself its the right direction.
Still having the ' not feeling right " syndrome but I must say for that 30minutes when my mind was free I really felt I could continue on this road to recovery.
It has however wore off some although I do have an overall better feeling to me then I did say 8am this morning.
I want you all to know I deeply appreciate the continued help. it means alot to people like myself and I think you all know it and thats what continues to drive us all to do right.
I look forward to tomorrow and the day after that. I really think I might be on to something here.
By no means am I healed though. the fear * as I like to call it is still very real and there. it sits on your shoulder all day and night but only you can decide if you will fall in or not.
The doctor feels I should join a support group and go to meetings. I think thats a good idea in essence I just dont know if its right for me.
I told her look. I am 4 days clean cold turkey. Let me keep going . If I cant keep it going I know it is more work then I can handle on my own and I will go. I have anxiety around people as it is so I kind of just want to battle this mental war alone with the exception of you great people and some family/friends support.
I want to say one thing to someone who is possibly a day or two into withdrawl.
DO NOT STOP KEEP GOING!
IT GETS BETTER EACH AND EVERY DAY
AS MUCH AS IT ***** AND YOU HATE THE WORLD YOU CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!
I remember day 1 and I feel like I have climbed a mountain compared to that day.
( in the background skynard - freebird randomly begins to play on the radio and a sense of accomplishment and joy rushes over me with pride and hope and joy that I can continue to stay clean and help as many people as i can because.
IM AS FREE AS A BIRD NOW!
AND THIS BIRD YOU CAN NOT CHANGE!
- Signing off people until the next bend in the road.
stay strong stay clean!
Stay classy :)
clearly something is happening.
I went to the Dr. this morning. it was a very strange experiance never in my life have I confessed my true sins to anyone I coudnt go as far as saying I shot up though just feel to guilty about that part but for the most part said all.
I will go back in 2 weeks for evaluation.
Been Rx'ed Wellbutrian http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bupropion
100mg 1x a day.
also
Seraquiel to help with sleep.
I ended taking 2 wellbutrian. probly not the best decision to start off with 1 is good 2 is better mindset which I have but after going threw the session and starting to get some strong WD urges I said fcuk it.
And honestly folks I feel much better. I peeked about 30-40 minutes after taking it and had the most glorious smile and good feeling in me. I am typing this from work if that says anythign in itself its the right direction.
Still having the ' not feeling right " syndrome but I must say for that 30minutes when my mind was free I really felt I could continue on this road to recovery.
It has however wore off some although I do have an overall better feeling to me then I did say 8am this morning.
I want you all to know I deeply appreciate the continued help. it means alot to people like myself and I think you all know it and thats what continues to drive us all to do right.
I look forward to tomorrow and the day after that. I really think I might be on to something here.
By no means am I healed though. the fear * as I like to call it is still very real and there. it sits on your shoulder all day and night but only you can decide if you will fall in or not.
The doctor feels I should join a support group and go to meetings. I think thats a good idea in essence I just dont know if its right for me.
I told her look. I am 4 days clean cold turkey. Let me keep going . If I cant keep it going I know it is more work then I can handle on my own and I will go. I have anxiety around people as it is so I kind of just want to battle this mental war alone with the exception of you great people and some family/friends support.
I want to say one thing to someone who is possibly a day or two into withdrawl.
DO NOT STOP KEEP GOING!
IT GETS BETTER EACH AND EVERY DAY
AS MUCH AS IT ***** AND YOU HATE THE WORLD YOU CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!
I remember day 1 and I feel like I have climbed a mountain compared to that day.
( in the background skynard - freebird randomly begins to play on the radio and a sense of accomplishment and joy rushes over me with pride and hope and joy that I can continue to stay clean and help as many people as i can because.
IM AS FREE AS A BIRD NOW!
AND THIS BIRD YOU CAN NOT CHANGE!
- Signing off people until the next bend in the road.
stay strong stay clean!
Stay classy :)
does sound like u r making a plan..gotta find out whats underneath..maybe stuff we dont even wanna know about?
No really..after I detoxed..stuff started slamming at me//Then I knew my triggers.they were staring m in the face and wasnt covering them up anymore with the pills..strange thing to feel again..can put u in a really bad depression that we were covering up..ugh...but at least I figured out my trigger..and believe it or not i have worked thru it..ok with it now..but it was strange to realize that I was still lugging that around with me..in a way it was positive//if there is anything positive about detox and addiction/that was it for me..it really made me examine myself and the self realization was unreal! u know some /most/go thru life and never have that realization and keep everything stored somewhere...it was like when the drugs were gone, everything was so clear...strange and I am probably not relaying what I am trying to say so anyway.....coongrats on ur 3 days! and sorry for the rambling..just got me to thinkin! LOL
No really..after I detoxed..stuff started slamming at me//Then I knew my triggers.they were staring m in the face and wasnt covering them up anymore with the pills..strange thing to feel again..can put u in a really bad depression that we were covering up..ugh...but at least I figured out my trigger..and believe it or not i have worked thru it..ok with it now..but it was strange to realize that I was still lugging that around with me..in a way it was positive//if there is anything positive about detox and addiction/that was it for me..it really made me examine myself and the self realization was unreal! u know some /most/go thru life and never have that realization and keep everything stored somewhere...it was like when the drugs were gone, everything was so clear...strange and I am probably not relaying what I am trying to say so anyway.....coongrats on ur 3 days! and sorry for the rambling..just got me to thinkin! LOL
Hey Randy,
Basically, I kept have one seizure after another (luckily I do not remember it) and went into respiratory arrest. One thing about tramadol, its not recommended quitting CT because of the seizures. The doctors told my husband that I probably would not make it through the night, I was not breathing on my own. Someone was looking over me that night that is for sure. That was a year ago. Today my life has done a 180. I am so grateful. Anyway, motto of the story, there is always hope for a better day tomorrow no matter how bad things look today. :))
God Bless everyone
Basically, I kept have one seizure after another (luckily I do not remember it) and went into respiratory arrest. One thing about tramadol, its not recommended quitting CT because of the seizures. The doctors told my husband that I probably would not make it through the night, I was not breathing on my own. Someone was looking over me that night that is for sure. That was a year ago. Today my life has done a 180. I am so grateful. Anyway, motto of the story, there is always hope for a better day tomorrow no matter how bad things look today. :))
God Bless everyone
Wow 100 tramadol. Just curious what happened? I was addicted to tramadol and was taking 20 100 mg per day and my body would go into spasms at times but 100 that has to be a record were you able to keep breathing on your own?
Thank God your alive.
Thanks
Randy
Thank God your alive.
Thanks
Randy
I know the phychi. will be able to help you and I'm glad your are going tomorrow too!
He should be able to help with the others feelings going on besides the emotional, offer some advice and council.
Ella
He should be able to help with the others feelings going on besides the emotional, offer some advice and council.
Ella
Well I actually thought I deleted my post hit enter before finishing my rant and was like fcuk there goes that. but happy to see it made it up and even got some feedback.
You guys should know I am currently on a One Daily, L-tyrosine,5-htp,milk thistle,two forms of antioxidents, free form amino acid.
No anti depression meds. , I work out alot and now hit a brick wall after going the WD, 3 1/2 days yet have managed to go everyday for about an hour doing w-e I can mostly found the sauna to be such a relief.
Although I am having some chest pains on ocasion nothing to serious pretty dull. when I first went cold turkey after doing the whole spoon and needle thing I was pretty sure I was gonna die of a stroke one night.
I just wish this guilt and mental mindset would move on. More then anything I am afraid this fat elephant is going to be following me througout my life.
tomorrow is head dr. and thur is pain doctor, tough decsion go there and get the xanax script and tell him no thanks on the 10/300 perk or get the perk script and save it for a rainy day which I am scared will cause a serious relapse.
You guys should know I am currently on a One Daily, L-tyrosine,5-htp,milk thistle,two forms of antioxidents, free form amino acid.
No anti depression meds. , I work out alot and now hit a brick wall after going the WD, 3 1/2 days yet have managed to go everyday for about an hour doing w-e I can mostly found the sauna to be such a relief.
Although I am having some chest pains on ocasion nothing to serious pretty dull. when I first went cold turkey after doing the whole spoon and needle thing I was pretty sure I was gonna die of a stroke one night.
I just wish this guilt and mental mindset would move on. More then anything I am afraid this fat elephant is going to be following me througout my life.
tomorrow is head dr. and thur is pain doctor, tough decsion go there and get the xanax script and tell him no thanks on the 10/300 perk or get the perk script and save it for a rainy day which I am scared will cause a serious relapse.
I feel you're crying behind the laughter. I think the Dr. will be able to help you with that. I take Cymbalta 60mg twice a day , remeron to help with sleep, and neurotin, which was just increased to 600mg three times a day for nerve pain. I have been the other side of depression and know how it feels. I will pray that your weeks to come are filled with more hope.
Ella
Ella
Its pretty east here to just write something to a bunch of strangers ...... but even that helps you out! Lot of experience on this forum and some other people that have been in your shoes. They are clean now. Its not fun nor is it easy. But it is doable. We all want to feel normal again. And we want to feel that way without taking any narcotics to get it done. Stick with us - - there are things that may help - but we need to know if you are on an antidepressant right now? Makes a little difference in what route to take. Stay strong and keep posting........let us know whats going on and people will try and help you out - - you have already made a hard decision ...... you decided that you need some kind of help and you are working on it yourself ......... best of luck to you.......
Sounds like you are on the right path. It seems many of us, myself included, have depression issues and craved that good feeling that opiates give us at the beginning. I think the only way to be free of drugs is to get to the root of the problems. I had very low self esteem issues and depression. In the long run, the opiates only made my depression worse. I really wish you the best. Just know you are not alone. At my lowest point, I took 100 tramadol hoping to end it. Fortunately, I am still here. I felt so alone. I did not know about this forum and others like me. There is hope. Keep reading and you will see many who have beat this. Good luck tomorrow. It will get better everyday!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
