Aa
The universe, or anyone who will listen
I feel soooooo crazy right now, and I know I look even crazier. I find myself looking out the windows of my home..(grateful I have one)...watching life pass me by. I have very lil to no motivation or will to even get up to get myself together to even go outside. I cant seem to form a senseble thought pattern. Im thinking about everything, and to make it worst, I keep looking around my home, thinking omg, I need to start cleaning. How do you do that, when you have lil to no energy! Its not super messy, for I am usually pretty orderly with my home, and my personal appearance, but going thru withdrawal, will break everything. I feel so scatter brained today, and Im having pains and aches in my right legg all morning. I have been taking hot epsom & alcohol baths, but today I just cant mustard up any energy to do anything. Im gonna try soon I think. I feel like Im losing my mind or something. Anxiety is stirring in my belly. Wow, dear god I want this all to pass. Im praying dont anybody even ring my doorbell, I cant face anyone today....but of course...I already know, one of my children, or brothers, will show up. I have not told them anything about what Im going thru. They probly think Im crazy or something, Im sure they can see a change in me. It is very hard to hide all of this, but Im manageing. My husband knows, but he doesnt truly understand the intensity of it all. It can be a lost and very lonely existence, when fighting thru this process, even if someone knows. But I thank god anyways....that he is even here with me. Even tho Im a complete wreck. Everything is off about me, I so wish it would pass. Well, I needed to share these feelings even tho, it isnt changing them. I wish I could just poof & disappear!...lol...No such luck. To me this type of thing, is the 2nd in line to the most horrific life experience, besides death itself. I swear. but because I have made it thru this once b4, yeah....I made it a whole year clean once (smiles)...it was sooo beautiful on the other side of withdrawal....That is my motivation for now, I just pray It will come, that I will make it to the other side. One other thing that keeps hitting me is....I am not a spring chicken either, life is way too short to keep wasting it with this process. It takes toooo long to recooperate, and heal back to normal. Who says it is promised that life will stand still while I heal. I know without a doubt, I have no more times to waste on this cycle. I shoulda been enjoying a vibrant summer, instead, now Im stuck in the house looking crazy, and hurting, and sweating......oh well, theres nothing I can do, but go thru it. Pray for speedy recovery for everyone including myself. I cant go under the process, I cant go around the process, I have to go thru it, but I know, it is soooooo great once I do.
Hi and Welcome to our Community!
This is a very wonderful place with lots of caring and sharing people. YOU can come here for Support and in the long run Support others who come along!
You just got to hang onto that Patience because it does take TIME to balance back. The physical is usually over soon, as YOU have done this before. It is the Brain Chemistry that gets so whacked out that will take some time to find it's natural balance. I too am no spring chic and I wasted over 40yrs off & on doing this or that to Party or Environment. The pills got me in BIG trouble for over 16yrs. Yep! That Anxiety is a bad one. The No-Low Motivation and Energy things is on down the line and sticks around for awhile.
Just try to keep yourself re-directed as best as you can. Drink Tons of Water and back off on the Sugars and Caffeine for a bit. Eat Healthy to help build up your immune system and take some good vit/min. Got to get those Electrolytes going in high gear.
The first time you did this did you try to stay clean with out any out side Support?
This Journey is not meant to be walked alone and Support is a Must. I have been saying this on here for yrs..The detox is the easy part (uncomfortable) but working on staying clean is were it all begins. Take a Step back and look at what you might have done wrong. Maybe you hung out with people who still use, maybe old stopping grounds, maybe something bad happen. No matter what we have to have that Support in Times of Troubled Waters too! Try to just take them Baby Steps at First and things will get done in time. That was one of my biggest triggers was when I thought I needed something to get me going and get all this work done inside & out, like Now or Yesterday. Big Life Style Changes have to be Made. Learning new Coping Skills so we can deal with what Life will toss at us. I think YOU know!
I will pray that you work and really work hard to stay clean. At least WE got another shot at Life! Ya!!!
Welcome Abroad our Ship..Ha!
Bless
This is a very wonderful place with lots of caring and sharing people. YOU can come here for Support and in the long run Support others who come along!
You just got to hang onto that Patience because it does take TIME to balance back. The physical is usually over soon, as YOU have done this before. It is the Brain Chemistry that gets so whacked out that will take some time to find it's natural balance. I too am no spring chic and I wasted over 40yrs off & on doing this or that to Party or Environment. The pills got me in BIG trouble for over 16yrs. Yep! That Anxiety is a bad one. The No-Low Motivation and Energy things is on down the line and sticks around for awhile.
Just try to keep yourself re-directed as best as you can. Drink Tons of Water and back off on the Sugars and Caffeine for a bit. Eat Healthy to help build up your immune system and take some good vit/min. Got to get those Electrolytes going in high gear.
The first time you did this did you try to stay clean with out any out side Support?
This Journey is not meant to be walked alone and Support is a Must. I have been saying this on here for yrs..The detox is the easy part (uncomfortable) but working on staying clean is were it all begins. Take a Step back and look at what you might have done wrong. Maybe you hung out with people who still use, maybe old stopping grounds, maybe something bad happen. No matter what we have to have that Support in Times of Troubled Waters too! Try to just take them Baby Steps at First and things will get done in time. That was one of my biggest triggers was when I thought I needed something to get me going and get all this work done inside & out, like Now or Yesterday. Big Life Style Changes have to be Made. Learning new Coping Skills so we can deal with what Life will toss at us. I think YOU know!
I will pray that you work and really work hard to stay clean. At least WE got another shot at Life! Ya!!!
Welcome Abroad our Ship..Ha!
Bless
Just seeing that you responded to me, was a huge blessing!...thankyou spider. I just returned back home, I did manage to get dressed...looking a lil odd, I might add...lol. I went to the store to get more muscle rub, and of course one of my nightmares came true...lol YES the thing I was dreading the very most.....some ppl that I know, saw me......lolol. Lord jesus. see, my plan was to slip into the store, go strait to the items I need, and slide back out, without being noticed....that did not work. I almost got out clean, but when I was checking out, one of the cashiers came strait up to me, to say hi. then, a guy I know was in another line......omg...why did he call my name out loud, just to say hi.....lolol. Well thank god I didnt look way too bad...lolol. see Im am and have always been the type of person that prides herself on her personal appearance. So getting caught outside in public in this condition is like being caught with your pants down to me....lolol but anyhow...I lifted my head up, and spoke anyhow...but did quickly move out of that store. guess thats my laugh for the day..huh. Hopefully next time they see me, I will be my self again, even better. It wouldnt be so bad if my brain wasnt mush right now. Just scatter brain. its sickening. Im just holding onto the fact that, soon this will allllllll be in the past for me, but trust me....it will be burned into my memory, I absolutely cannot handle another round of this ********. I have been here toooooo many times. Oh and thankyou for the complimant spider.....yes I am very strong minded, thats why this is so crippling for me mentally. But I do know even the strongest boxer knows when its time to quit. I cannot win trying to live on these pills everyday. I have tryed every slick trick in the book, It is just impossible to manage this addiction, or to even afford it. and I dont mean afford just financially, I mean also that I cant afford it time wise.......life does not stand still, while I heal. well just ran another bath......lord jesus give me the strength. its a *** shame when I cant quit, even tho I want to just lay down and pass out....all that I am going thru, and all these yrs I have been going up and down, in and out of this pill addiction,....its got me questioning god, as to why....why did he even create a me,....to have to go thru this hell ???? life itself, is so very difficult at most times, then a pill addiction on top of it LOL......the lord has got to love me, because if it were solely up to me....I know I most likely would have given in a long time ago. Right now, I dont even know exactly what is giving me the will to continue on with this process. I just know, I might as well because the only other way out is to kill myself......TRUST ME......THAT WILL NOT BE HAPPENING.....Im just ranting and raving....guess just to amuse myself....welp....let me float into this hot bath, b4 it goes cold. I feel so hopeless right now, but the show must go on. as they say, it aint over till the fat lady sings...lolol...and there is nothing fat about me, so I guess Im not thru yet. the fat lady wont be singing no time soon over this way, Im just gonna have to keep fightin,,,,because I will win in the end. thankyou.
No ejection outta the body........sorry. That's what the pills were for. Besides the fact that you're going through h*ll right now......you're articulating quite well. Grats to you for realizing you could do well by changing direction in your journey. Your post read like I wrote it myself 2 years ago.
Go walk outside if you can ......do you have a jump rope?
Don't worry, you know the drill....this too shall pass soon...you will feel normal again.....promise. Do you have earbuds? ....put some music on and dance if you can't watch tv.
Prayers out honey...you sound like a strong one. Keep pushing through.
Hugs and support. ((((8))))
Go walk outside if you can ......do you have a jump rope?
Don't worry, you know the drill....this too shall pass soon...you will feel normal again.....promise. Do you have earbuds? ....put some music on and dance if you can't watch tv.
Prayers out honey...you sound like a strong one. Keep pushing through.
Hugs and support. ((((8))))
Dear God !!!, I cant win for losing.....wow......well I thought I would push and go o rec to walk trac, for exercise, and to pass this day, something told me to call and check their hrs....they close in half hour....lol....just my luck...rite. Nobody is on this site for me to communicate with....hmmmmmm, lets c.....guess I better just take a hot bath, and pull out the movies....Im so sick and tired of feeling like this....Im kinda anxious, and ancey. My leggs hurt too. I pray I can even sit still to stare at the screen...lol because with me condition, I cant even truly watch a movie. This is soooooo sad. I hate the punishment we have to endure to quit these pills. This is absolutely ridiculous. Well, let me just stop my mouth rite now, I just wanna get mad at something anyhow. lol.......so plz just take the good outta my conversations to myself, and leave the rest. I still do have faith, that this too shall pass. I will heal, jesus loves me, and I do too. Just in a fogg these days. But overall, I am blessed. So I will continue to stand up to this addiction, do all the things I have to do to rid it, and keep it out of my life. oh god...now Im getting chills & a headache. wheeh,....when will this level out.....jesus....can I just eject myself out of this body right now...lol
Hi there.
Believe me.... Lots of is know exactly what you are going thru. I'm on day seven today ... Went ct from my oxy addiction. And the no energy is the worst. I know Its hard but if you just push yourself you will be amazed at what you can get thru. I'll be praying for you... You got this!!
Believe me.... Lots of is know exactly what you are going thru. I'm on day seven today ... Went ct from my oxy addiction. And the no energy is the worst. I know Its hard but if you just push yourself you will be amazed at what you can get thru. I'll be praying for you... You got this!!
I thank you for your supportive respond......I will stick to one post for now. well......I just cant even type anymore words about my feelings right now, this is allll sooo soooo very depressing, and horricfic, and unbelievable,...Idk how the heck I am gonna keep waking up to this. Then have to fight, fake, push, hide, cry, and even try to function normally thruout every grooling day. Guess Ill just start convincing myself to go back to the rec and get back on the trac again. feeling this way can be soooo discouraging. Ill be so grateful when the day, hour, or even a minute of a hopeful light hits me, just anything to help me feel hopeful, and like Im not crazy. This is sooo hard. I apologize for sounding crazy, and scatter brained, but I am. I know Im not exactly crazy, but I do know right now these days, I am definitely somewhere in that circle, lol, im just praying for normality.
I posted on your other thread. It's easier for us to follow you if you stick with one thread for awhile.
I totally hear what you are saying...and you are SO right, there's no way around it, over it or under it...you MUST go through it. Can you give yourself permission to just rest, walk a little when you can, get some sunshine, listen to some music, watch something funny, continue with your Epsom salt baths, etc.? Give yourself at least a week to get thru the initial w/drawal period? Like I said on your other thread, it's going to be SUPER important to look at the past and learn from it by deciding what you are willing to do different THIS time. Please keep posting and sharing...there will be others come along to offer you support and share with you~
I totally hear what you are saying...and you are SO right, there's no way around it, over it or under it...you MUST go through it. Can you give yourself permission to just rest, walk a little when you can, get some sunshine, listen to some music, watch something funny, continue with your Epsom salt baths, etc.? Give yourself at least a week to get thru the initial w/drawal period? Like I said on your other thread, it's going to be SUPER important to look at the past and learn from it by deciding what you are willing to do different THIS time. Please keep posting and sharing...there will be others come along to offer you support and share with you~
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