Timeframe??? Am I on track is this normal???

[ANewStart0780]

Hi Everyone

Here's my deal:

Since 2005 I've never been more than 3-4 days without some form of opioid.  My DOC is Oxycodone in any form, with Tylenol, without, doesn't matter.  A typical day for me is 20 percs to stay high all day.  If I'm "lucky" enough some 30 mg roxi's for my snout.  Anyway, I'm just wrapping up day 11 clean, a milestone for me, here's the quick breakdown?

Day 1: This isn't so bad
Day 2-3: Physical and mental hell on earth, worst possible indescribable pain and despair I've ever known
Day 4-6:  Getting there...depressed beyond belief, unmotivated, agitated, but catching a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel
Day 7: Wow I feel GOOD!  Laughing again, a little too much, starting to initiate conversation with others.  Laughing pretty much all day over nothing at all, I can only imagine I'm starting to regain human emotion again?
Day 8-11: Better, the devil keeps popping in on my shoulder a few times a day to say "Hey, c'mon you know you wanna!"  He's a convincing SOB

The consequences are beginning to outweigh the benefits in my mind, which I feel is a huge turning point, because in the midst of my addiction, there was only one consequence that mattered, not getting dope and subsequently getting sick.

I work in a fast paced, tech environment,  so I'm also beginning to realize my brain function is coming back with a vengeance, these things make me stupider than when I used to smoke everyday.

Side effect of opioid withdrawal:  rambling, as you can see above.
Side effect of opioid abuse: different kind of rambling...hmm ironic

Question, does this devil on my shoulder ever f**k off?  If so how long does it take?  Does it ever happen?

Thanks In Advance

R

[ANewStart0780]

Disclaimer:  Not looking for sympathy, just being honest.

ricart70 and everyone:  I am lucky to be alive.  I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reflecting on things I was too blind to see while smack in the middle of this nightmare.  I'm far from the homestretch, which really is an illusion anyway, its accepting that it's a day to day thing.  I have one friend in the ground, and two in jail for the same substance abuse problems that destroyed, or rather I let destroy my life.  Thinking of things like, going to my friends funeral so high on Oxy it was ridiculous, knowing, that was what killed him.  The lies, deceit, my two "best friends" in jail from 2009 - 2022.  

I hope one day I can help some kid out and offer the same support that you guys have.  I thank you!

[ricart70]

Hi .Great job on your 11 days. You are one lucky person to be feeling great and doing well at day 7. It was a much much longer process for me and that is with less continuous use time.
   I can only speak for myself but for me it is way easier to stay clean day to day than it ever was to stay using. I do not think about wanting pills very often or for very long when I do. Yes I may think of it fleetingly during the day and maybe every day but definitely not all day every day like I used to when I was using. Now when I think about it. I make myself do something besides obsess even more over it just because I thought of it. I think our brains want us to think this is an all powerful urge and there is nothing we can do to stop it, but truthfully it needs our physical self to make the phone calls, acquire the pills and it even needs our hands to put the pills in our mouths.It needs our throats to swallow them. That does not sound all powerful to me. What it does have is the power of persistence. For me in the past my belief that this was insurmountable and that I had no power over it almost killed me.   Short answer is for me it became way easier to tell my brain no. I still have to watch out for stress though and that is for sure.  

[simplysubstituting]

Hats off to you!  Sounds like ,despite your Addiction, you have a pretty good head on your shoulders!  Yes, it does get better, and NO, the devil on your shoulder probably won't go away!  The good news is, every time you say  NO to  him, or drugs, it make you stronger, and him weaker!  Unfortunately, there is no CURE for  addiction', so this is an ongoing issue!  However,  it gets easier every time you say  NO!  Keep doing what your doing! Maybe try AA or NA meetings.  Your definitely not alone!

[VICourageous]

Hi! Congratulations on your days..I can put my 2 cents in here forever but No I won't..I just want to say that since it is a disease it can go into remission but never be cured. I know for me it is this way..I have been using for over 40 years..But I will say I have not had a alcohol drink in over 8 years and I do not crave this at all. I still do for the good buzz the pills gave me..BUT any of it will play the "I fell good" tape in the brain over & over and remember the pleasure it gave me.This will start this all back up again! Just try to take it min by min..Like I always say: The detox part is the easy part. It is fighting the beast that is the hardest. Hang in I do feel it may ease up in time. The cravings that is.
Bless

[starshine7]

Back at you man! I"m going through the shadows of hell.....

[ANewStart0780]

Thanks to all who replied.  It helps to have people in your corner that can actually relate.  Makes all the difference in the world.  I was afraid of the fact that it "never really goes away," but in my heart knew it was true.  We just learn to become stronger.  I guess we shouldn't try to "cure" that we are addicts, but embrace it.  I know for a fact that we, the ones who have gone through this, are ions beyond those who haven't in the mental strength department.  Good luck guys and thanks for the support!

R

[starshine7]

Man....I don't think ANYONE on here has 100% answer for this and you sound lucky to be alive! I have never taken more than 6 vikes/oxys a day...never roxi...

I'm going through day 2 of the great withdrawl....I hope you can make it...and stay on here cause this place is great for help! I mean, if you cannot do N/A...or time for it...here it is man! People KNOW here.

PEACE~

Karen

[EvolverU]

Wow! Great Post. Massive Congrats on your 11 days. Everything you said is so familiar (particularly the laughing and the intellectual/emotional clarity.)

Let's get down to the meat of it, eh?:
Question, does this devil on my shoulder ever f**k off?  If so how long does it take?  Does it ever happen?

Short Answer? ...No. But for some..with time and proper vigilance it gets more manageable. What you're experiencing is the very first inklings of Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (the real test.).

The way to not give in when that 'black dog' whispers in your ear? Well, different people do different things but the most successful generally do everything possible to arm themselves with a post-detox arsenal of techniques to protect their new lives. Most people do some real soul-searching first about what led them to their DOC to begin with, what their triggers are, how they lie to themselves & others, etc. They make sure that they've cut off all sources of drugs and this includes friends who use. Then they plan some kind of after care framework that can include any & all of the following (just some possibilities, here): System of Spirituality, Meetings, Counseling/Therapy, Hanging With Sober Family/Friends, Healthy Passions, Hobbies, Sports, Reaching Out For Help When You Feel Anxious/Bored/Angry/Restless, etc, Getting 'Witnessed' If You Slip (Before A Full Blown Relapse Occurs) & Finally, Giving Back Via MH Or Somewhere Else.

You've done an amazing thing and you've every right to celebrate & be proud! Keep up the good fight. We're here!

[jifmoc]

Oh, man, what a great post!!! I LOL'd, especially when your snout got "lucky" w/ extra opiates. Anyway, every damn thing you wrote is pretty much exactly how it goes (now I know why I was cracking up over that Jerry Lewis movie last week), and I'm on about day 16 and still feeling fuzzy headed and out of it and weird. Everyone on here w/ a decent amt. of clean time has told me that the cravings become less and less. The more we work on other things, the less we'll get them. They said the cravings may still be there, but not as intensely. But, we have to work to be stronger than that voice for when it comes up. To always be on guard for that stupid mating call.

It's obvious how intelligent you are from your post, and w/ that great brain comes great analysis of every thought. I know it well. You want to know if it will "ever" go away and when, so you're are looking into the future way too much. You want that voice to be gone NOW, and you want the date and time as I do, I want a guarantee on the calendar!! But, that's the fun, we get to wait and be in the moment and not worry about tomorrow or ever (yipee?) I realized how much I became accustomed to immediate gratification while on these things despite never being addicted to anything before and having lot's o' therapy. I became used to a quick fix for my feelings.And now, oh joy, get to do the fun thing and give it TIME. Oh, and patience. What a concept.

Loved your post! Hoped I helped even a little.