So you've been on suboxone for 18 months....do u plan to take it for life? My dr used to tell me it was something i would have to be on for life....bullcrap!!!
Subs do make you irritable, mean and numb....just like most opiates used long term. You wont realize how much until you get off of subs though. The fact that your acknowledging it now is great.
Perhaps your dr isnt holding it over your head....you have to have safegaurds in place, ways to deal, for them to take you off as the relapse rate is really high if you dont. Thats why seeing a counselor, going to meetings, being active in recovery are totally necessary!! Do you mind if i ask what your issues are with n/a mtgs? Did you have a bad experience? Having that craving you had....without being on subs, how would you have dealt with it??? Thats where aftercare comes into play.
Your Dr can not force you to continue taking them if you don't want to! The longer you take them the harder it's going to be to quit! Do you want to stay on them for the rest of your life? You need to get some sort of after care and learn how to live without them! I've been free from Subs for 5 yrs now!