Hang in there! Give your mind time to adjust ... Walking ,skating & the gym helped me..
Congratulations on day 9! I just came from looking at your profile. We have something in common. Guitar. I've been playing for 55 years. Blues, rock, jazz and classical (in order of my interests). Because I also had a good career going, I haven't played out in a serious band since the late 80's because of the 2AM club hours tiring me out for my day job and also being a father. When I first got clean in '82 and my guitars (and piano) quickly became my go-to way of taking my mind off of using, along with working my 12-step aftercare group. Over the years I got hooked on jamming with jam tracks almost every night that I bought or created, along with my guitar buddies over the weekends. Fast-Forward to 2 years ago. I went back out when I started up on opiates for pain management and things quickly got out of hand. I hardly touched my guitars the whole time. Drugs are a one-track obsession with me when I use. Now I'm slowly getting back into playing music with friends, especially a new friend I met at a new meeting I go to. I'm closing in on 160 days clean.
This feeling you describe will soon pass. It has for me. If you've been using for all those years, expect it will take some time to get your natural energy back. Opiates alone cause us to not get the correct type of sleep. Years of that is still going to mess with your natural ability to get normal rest. It's going to take some time for you to get your enthusiasm and/or ambition back for playing. But if you stay your present course, believe me when I say: you will appreciate your new life, your new natural energy, and your new natural way of thinking out NEW music like you've never played before. All will be even better than your reference to "the same". Finding a good choice for an aftercare group, and talking about your concerns there will also split those lack of ambition feelings you have, in half! Keep on keeping on, it will get much better. It has for me. -Robert
Robert - Thank you for your comments and Congratulations on 160 days clean. I can only image although I never thought I would get to day 5. I appreciate your thoughts on the energy levels and on music as well. I trust you are correct. For 33 of the past 35 years music has been my main source of excitement. While I can say that it began dropping off 3 or 4 years ago it basically stopped 2 years ago. There was a time when I would change out tubes in an amp or buy 10 different sets of strings to see which brand gave me the bluesy soulful tone I wanted. I custom made guitars with various woods to obtain that soulful rich sound (BTW: Mahogany wood, Ernie Ball Slinkys (0.10), pre-CBS tubes and Dragon II pickups (by PRS)). Now it's all I can do to drum up the interest to tune the guitar and then just get so easily bored. If I heard the right song on the radio I would get goose bumps and have to call those I knew to jam that night (I am a fan of the Jam Band sound). It just doesn't happen at the moment. It's encouraging to know it will someday return. Thanks for your thoughts! - T
Give yourself a little break. 9 days is great and each day there's incremental improvement. Sometimes I have a rough day, then the next is great-- 2 steps forward, one back. If you had all that motivation and energy pre-drug use, then you will have it again. It's like having a sports injury: it just takes a while to heal. In this case, it's brain synapses! You'll have bursts of motivation here and there. That's excellent! And it will happen.
Like the others said it will take sometime, it takes longer for people who have been on this stuff for long periods. I really believe vitamins can really pull us out faster no matter what, it will take time. Trust me I was a drummer by profession. It will come back and you will enjoy playing clean, it took me two years of putting the sticks down to see there is life after and injury. Mine was a sports injury and it took out my profession as well, but I'm back on the road to recovery. Patience is the thing to remember right now. Good luck
I can't add much more then what was said but hang in there it really takes time ! Nine days is great but nine weeks will be wonderful and you're well on your way my friend ! Try and stay busy . Take a walk even if its just a block . Baby steps . I remember I was so bored I could cry . It passed and it will for you too . Jimmy