Hello All,
I have just recently quit taking tramadol. Here is my story... Originally, it started when I was about 18. I used to take them from my mother (...not smart, i know...) when I was a waiter. I would go into work and feel extremely lethargic and unsocial. I was only able to take them once or twice a week, but that gradually increased as I became braver in taking them from her. No energy drinks, vitamin B pills would help for more than an hour or so, then I was back down further than before. The tramadol would not only wake me up, but also gave me the confidence to talk to people there. I now know that this euphoria/courageous feeling was caused by the SNRI effect. I wouldn't take everything at once, but started - from the beginning - to spread them out to get the feeling for as long as possible.
Eventually, I found a source on the internet to purchase them, and began to take them everyday. At it's height, I was taking about 600 - 700 mg a day. I have tried to quit in the past with varying degrees of success, but a few events (viral meningitis, broken bones, dry socket on a removed wisdom tooth, etc.) brought me back to them. I haven't been able to tell my doctor about my problem, but I am aware that I am fully addicted to the drug.
Right now, I am just starting the second day of withdrawals. I can prevent myself from ordering them and/or going to a doctor for a prescription, but the depression is the part that is really getting to me. What I am really worried about is whether or not I was depressed prior to taking the pills, and if that is what made them so appealing to me. As previously stated, I wasn't really in it for the "high" but for the happiness it gave me.
My real problem is that I am at least moderately intelligent, and that I can trick myself into everything. I have taken depression tests, and was completely honest, but I am not sure if that is just my mind working me. I am really at a loss here...feels like I am spinning my wheels and not getting to the point. I guess my main questions are:
- can I really tell if I am depressed or if it was just that I liked the tramadol so much that I convinced myself I was/am.
- Are there any ways I can be tested without being able to fool myself?
- Also, I have read that St. Johns Wort is a SSRI. Can this be substituted to bring back that "happy" mood, and/or are there any risks with dependency?
I just want to say thank you to whoever has read this far down. I am not sure of what to do. I really do not like the feeling of losing control to a substance, but I REALLY enjoy the effects that Tramadol gave me.
Thank you,
D