Tramadol abuse

[Somewhereovertherainbow]

My husband has been left two months, at first blamed me for everything saying we drifted apart after ten years. He has been a Tram addict all this time plus other painkillers and uppers/downers. He now admits he is an addict and needs help and wants to come back. I don't want to our 3 kids through this again. How long does it take to know someone is truelly clean and should they go to meetings for the rest of their lives. My counsellors say I need to work on my side of the disease and allow a long period apart watching to see if there are changes. he started a job recently but like so many others left after a day saying the employers were rude and ignorant.  I am left in financial ruin but luckily have a job myself. I am confused about what the right thing to do is. I do love him but a life of him sleeping in another room, walking on eggshells and feeling bad about myself seems less appealing now i have survived for two months alone. How can I find a balance between keeping my family stable and happy without totally excluding him. I have not been calling him as often and his calls have dwindled, although when he does call he seems commited to getting help and in time coming together again as a family unit. I am confused, hurt by his actions and based on a previous pattern not too hopeful about the possibility of change. Any thoughts or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Well done to all those who have made it and to those to strive to live a happier more fruitful life x  

[jerrip]

I totally agree with avisg.  Forget about if you do or don't love him...neither of you really matter.  What matters is those 3 kids.  Keep him away for a year or two until he has a steady job, money in the bank, and paid off bills....He could do all that if her wasn't buying drugs. good luck  Jerri

[avisg]

Has he stopped using ? Is he going to meetings ? Has he gotten a new job ? These would be things that I would be looking at before letting him back .Yes he will need long term recovery care he has been using for ten years .

I would look into some books about being co dependent that could help you alot .There are meetings for loved ones of addicts as well.

You are doing the right thing not wanting your children to go threw the same thing again .Make sure if he comes back that he is clean and committed to staying that way .Plus make sure this is truly what you want .This will be a lifelong battle are you sure you want to deal with it?