Tryin to Taper, but still getting high

[wannaquit]

I've posted my story in a couple places, so I'll give the short version.  Was doing one pill a day for several years, upped it to 3 pills a day, then for the past year, it's been 8-10 a day.  (Darvocet N)  

I've been trying to "taper", and I did it too fast at first according to much of the advice I have seen here, so I tried to do something more reasonable.  I faltered a bit yesterday morning and took 2 at a time and thought I was going to DIE.  I got more of a high than 3-4 pills at a time used to give me.  It snapped me back to reality, and I'm back on track.

I took one pill last night before bed and decided to follow FLaddict's advice about one every 2 waking hours to keep the levels even.  I had every intention of sticking to that today, but I took my first pill at 8:30 this morning.  It's now 9:30, and I'm buzzing like crazy.  What now?  I feel like I took 2, and I didn't.  If I still feel this way at 10:30, should I just push through to 12:30, or should I go ahead and take one to keep my levels even?  

I swear, I'm not trying to use an excuse to take more than I have to, I want to do this right, but I think in trying to taper too fast, I have shocked my system, and my body has quickly lost the large tollerance that I had built up.  I can't quit c/t, because I do notice that if I wait for too long (my longest span yesterday was 10 hours), I feel like I'm coming out of my skin...Any suggestions??

[wannaquit]

You are right.  The negative is easier to focus on than the positive, and that's what's got me to the place that I am now, and life is never going to change for me if I can't get out of it.  I thought daytime would be toughest because most of my pills were consumed during the day so I could get stuff done, but for some reason, nights are HARD.  I've found the only thing that has kept me from taking a pill too soon or taking an extra one has been to listen to positive music and pray.  I know that sounds hokey, but whatever works, eh?  Right after I posted that last negative comment, I realized what I was doing, and I broke out the mp3 collection of my "Jesus music" and I feel much better allready.

Your little pep talk helped quite a bit as well, and has spiraled my mind further in the right direction.  I DO know that the quality of my life will be better.  It's kinda sick, but I've noticed in the past few days that I really don't feel worse taking less pills than I did when I was taking so many.  Why I couldn't tell that they were killing me before, I do not know...

[Tom77843]

Please see the positive, be positive, don't look at the neg like, "man I still have cravings" This is taken out of context, to suite your negative side... You don't at the same time hear how happy this person is in spite of this once in a while craving, do you... Do you think about how much your quality of life will be changed?? How about how much longer you may and will live, how about how you will no longer have to schedule your day around drugs or what will this person think if they knew or bla bla bla.
You just focused on one negative and I cam back with many positives... You need to be positive.. This is key The Key
This place is for reinforcement, not neg, and how do you know this anyhow, I am not at all expecting this, day 4 and still no cravings for me, lots of w/d's but no cravings.........
Do the taper right, I think this is key to lessen the cravings, same as stop smoking, if you c/t you continue with cravings for some time but a gradual taper, with the patch, no cravings it's all in you head and with the taper you are conditioning you brain.
Tom...

[wannaquit]

yeah, i know.  gotta pay to play.  thats the price for all my stupidity...

[No name22]

You're gonna have cravings for a loooooong time my friend actually 2 relapsed after at least a yr of being clean...It sux, but thats life and everyones diffrent who knows....

[wannaquit]

It just scares me to death to see posts saying stuff like they're on the 3rd month of being clean and they're still having cravings.  Terrifying.  I don't know if I have that much strength.

[No name22]

I want it to and it's making me insane,LOL

It's mental we enjoy the high, but hate to pay for it after, all the money it cost and the damage it's doing to us isn't good...If I could do them once in a while I would, but I know I can't not after all this and I'm just going to have to find a hobby or another obsession aswell as you and everyone eles

[wannaquit]

i do want this.  why is it so hard?????

[No name22]

I think almost all of us want to get high thats why it's such a process to quit.. I'm on day 4 c/t and I'd love to get high, but am I F no i'm not doing all this, cause I have nothing better to do...I had to want this and I did so I just did it and what the next few weeks bring I don't know, but what I do know is that my Dr is not only a a$$, who I hate untill I switch, LOL no seriously they drug test me weekly and i'm glad and even when I switch dr's they'll test to...

So don't beat yourself up for F-ing up i've been trying to stay clean since MAY

[wannaquit]

Keeping up with the schedule today, but not as happy about it as yesterday.  Trying to stay busy, but this really a "down" day for me.  Physically I'm fine, but mentally and emotionally, I feel like I'm gonna break.

[FLaddict]

Yes that is what I would do, push through to 5.5 hours, then go for 6 hours. Sounds like a plan. And it sounds like you are doing much better today. Good for you. Keep me posted.

[wannaquit]

I know!  The trick is NOT to get high, and I'm excited about that for the first time ever!  Like I said, I was upset this morning when I got buzzed off the first pill, and was very thrilled when I DIDNT on the second at the 5 hr mark.  I'm with you about not being in a race, but I am so anxious to be done with this.  I will take your warning though, and try not to be too hasty.  Thanks so much for the well wishes.

[Tom77843]

Michelle,
The trick is to NOT get high anymore, no more, not even once more, never again, you are quitting and this means to not get high anymore, ever. Your taper has to reflect this, just enough to be OK and never high, get used to this not high anymore so when stopping time comes, you are used to it.
Your taper will get to a point when it doesn't work anymore, this will be your time, don't cut yourself short, don't make it unrealistic and flush in haste. be sure you can do the time, be sure, your not in a race here, do it right but do it.
I wish you all the strength you need.
Tom...

[wannaquit]

Same to you!  Thanks for letting me know what to possibly expect.  Well, I'm standing strong so far, the second pill of the day kept me level rather than making me high, and I waited 5 hrs before taking it instead of 4, so I'm on hour 3 after pill 2 for the day, and feeling very strong.  I think I'll make it until hour 5 no problem, and tomorrow, I'll push for 5.5 or 6 hours in between, and then so on.  I've decided that I will count out the rest of my pills that I'll need for the taper and flush the rest.  I have to do it tomorrow, though because my husband and I are going out tonight with some church friends.  Surprisingly, I've stayed busy all day and haven't thought about the pills very often in between except for to think "hey, I'm getting closer and closer to being done with this!!"  And instead of it making me terrified now, it makes me feel elated.  Today, when my first pill got me buzzed, I was actually DISAPPOINTED!  I kept waiting for pill 2 to do the same thing and it didn't, and I was excited.  That's a step forward, right?  I'm not craving the high right now, but rather trying to avoid it...That can't be bad, can it?

You hang in there. Day 3 is right around the corner!!

[Tom77843]

Hi Michelle,
Day 2 is hard as you can imagine, I am hanging in there, the cravings are almost nothing but the other stuff is kicking my butt. I think the main problem is lack of sleep, hope to get some tonight and I will be better tomorrow.

Where are you at with your taper, let me know!! I swear this would be soooo much worse if I didn't taper, I am well aware of the withdrawal symptoms and I only have a couple, not all of them as I have had in the past trying to c/t. I have tried c/t many times and only made it very short periods of time, never with the belief that I will actually succeed like I do this time. Anyway I flushed all my pills and cut my relationship with the person that got me these horrible little things so I don't have anywhere else to go but clean, it's a one way street for me.

I hope you are doing well and your spirits are high, I wish you all the strength you need to see yourself through this.

Tom...

[wannaquit]

Thank you for sharing your struggle.  I definitely know NOW to be careful with the darvos, but I didn't know that 8 years ago.  You'd think I woulda caught on by now, but, like most addicts, I thought it was under control and I could quit ANYTIME.  Ha!!!!  Well you know what?  I can quit anytime.  That time is NOW.  

Thanks to everyone who's been supportive and informative.  Stay in touch.

Michelle

[wannaquit]

Okay, since I messed up yesterday (by taking 2) and then tried to make up for it by not taking one until bedtime, I ended up really clocking my symptoms during that 10 hours.  Based on your advice, I did not take one at the two hour mark, and when the fourth hour came around, I felt too strong to take one.  I didn't want one at all, was feeling great, and I remember that right around hour 6 yesterday was when I started feeling rough.  SO...I pushed through to hour 5 today, and took one...and it kept me feeling completely NORMAL.  I didn't get the high, but I didn't go through ANY withdrawals either.

I'm at hour 3 right now and feeling stronger than ever.  I went to the gym with  my husband today, went to the office...have kept myself busier than I can remember in a LONG time.  We're meeting a group of friends at the Put Put place tonight, and that's perfect.  Every time I've left the house today I've left my pills AT HOME so that I wouldn't be tempted.  I thought that by the time I got home I'd want to go straight to them, but I don't.  So, would it be safe to say that I should stick to 5 hours in between for the rest of the day and then try to go 5 and 1/2 or 6 hours  between tomorrow?

[wannaquit]

How are you doing with day 2?  It's great to hear from you. Thank you for all of your words of advice and encouragement! Please do let me know how it's going with you!  

[cdentata]

You can do it, You can do it!  Be very careful with the docs though.  I've found some that entirely contradict what another will tell you.  I had surgery and was in Pain Managment prior to it.  My pain management doctor thought Darvocet was a bad medicine and gave me Lortab, Zydone, vicoprofen - you name it.  I was honest, forthright, did what he told me to do and didn't even ask for early refills.  Now that I have had surgery (4 weeks ago) - I was given 12 percocet/day and then dropped down to 3 Lortab...talk about a shock.  I had to back myself up with the extra hydros from my Pain Managment doc and started with 5 and dropped half a pill every 3 days.  I spaced them out around 2 hours at first, then 3 hours, then 4 hours, then 5 hours as I stepped down.  When I was finally clear of them, I still needed something for pain, I call the neurosurgeon and a physician assistant give me Ultram.  He told me that it would be fine, he knew what I did stepping down.  I go back yesterday and was told by another PA that I was addicted, both physically and psychologically - I was told by my Pain Managment doc that I was "dependant" and as long as I followed his instructions everything would be fine (this was 6 months or so ago).  I did.  The PA yesterday said that I should never have gone on the Ultram and switches me to Darvocet (this isn't the same one that prescribed the ultram)!!!  I don't have much faith in any doctor at this point.  I didn't get "high" from the Ultram and thought it was a good medicine, it killed the pain and I was elated that I was finally "clean".  I was devestated yesterday, absolutely devestated.  I'm not going to get the Darvocet filled.  I'm going back to the Pain Managment doc and tell him all that has happened and ask his advice, not to get more pills.  Why do these clinics even exist if you get treated like I did yesterday when I am trying to do the right thing?????  UGH!  Don't get me wrong, I am still in considerable pain - a double discetomy will do that, duh.  I'd rather cope with the pain than have my integrity questioned - whew, I guess this is the "irritation" of stepping off the Ultram.

Just remember, it is possible...if you have to get someone to help by holding your pills...good luck.

[FLaddict]

The desire to get clean must be stronger than the desire to feel the high.. its not an easy place to get to, but it is possible. Small steps forward..

[bodybuilder1]

This si similar to the problem I have. Although I really want to start to taper and know exactly what I need to do, I can't seem to let go of the desire to be high. Every day I say to myself that I should split my dose into small increments throughout the day and start decreasing but I always seem to give in to the temptation to take my daily supply all at once to get high, or even use up some of the next days dose as well (I'm on 120mg of methadone per day, collected Monday, Wednesday and Friday) No mater how many times I say to myself "I'll start tomorrow" I always crumble. I would love to know how you make yourself do what you know you need to do rather than giving into the overwhelming desire to get high. Am I just a weak person?  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
God bless,
Graeme.

[Tom77843]

In my taper I also noticed that less would feel like more at times, this was a good time for me to lessen my taper, I think your taper should be only what you need to have as little w/d pain as possible but not enough to feel the drug in a pleasurable way. This got me used to not being high, now after not being high for so long, I would think my w/d is easier than it would be, I am on day 2 (as you know I am sure)
Keep up the fight...
Tom...

[FLaddict]

Hmm.. interesting.Yeah we don't want you buzzing. Take one every 4 hours.  That will equal 6 per day.  Then tomorrow go to every 4.5 hours, Try this and see how you feel.