Hi everyone, im new here. I've been on one heck of a journey w drugs! I've always done something. In high school I smoked a lot of pot and drank, after my 1st son was born I started taking lortab, percocet, oxycontin at that point I just took whatever I had at night, one day I thought I would quit but w/d so bad I would've done anything to make it stop, my dealer was like try this crack, it will make you feel better! Man was I dumb...I thought id just smoke crack until the w/d's stopped.. eventually I lost my apartment and everything. Smoked crack for about a year,had another baby, then went to rehab. I was sober for 3 months before relapsing on lortab. I got bad...real bad. I would take 50 lortabs at once, which still wouldn't mess me up. Next thing you know im shooting oxys, dilaudid, whatever I could find. I mean like all day, like 30 oxy 80s 3 at a time, scared to do 4 cuz I might die. My whole life was pills, pills, pills. Money, pills, money, pills. I lived that way for 5 years. Then I met this guy, the greatest guy ever. He doesn't even know anything about addiction. Anyway we started dating, I was ready to be sober anyway. It was my decision. I started the methadone clinic...2 years later(which brings us to now) we have anotherit baby and I love my man and our family Soo much. I want Soo bad to be sober. I decided about a month ago to just cold turkey stop my 350mg a day methadone habbit. It made me so lazy and numb...I didn't care about anything. I couldn't lose the baby weight, and I just hated having to take stuff everyday to feel good. I've done that long enough. Anyway I seen my doc, spent 150$ on vitamins, got some scripts to help w/d's and I quit!! I was Soo proud. I just quit...the insomnia was destroying me though. Id be up for 6 or 7 days straight! Hallucinating and everything. Got some ambien because nothing Otc helps. I thought ambien is better than xanax...wrong. I had it for 8 days, when I ran out omg I swear I wanted to jump off a bridge! That one night of ambien w/d was worse than all 15I days of methadone w/d. The next day I wanted anything to make it stop. I found lortab...oh joy. So then I keep having w/d's and I can't handle it anymore. In come the lortab binge...here I am 8 days later, taking up to 15 tabs a day. Not today though. I can't do this, I can't get off methadone to start all over again. I don't know what to do, I know I have to stop and I want to. My family needs me and I need them. My man is the best ever, he just doesn't understand. Both my parents and my sister are addicts. Can I ever even feel normal again without drugs? How long is it going to take for my brain to heal? I find insomnia to be the worst thing in the world...when will it end? I know I need to go to meetings, church, and even outpatient, I just haven't yet. I always have my kids and im so edgy and pissed off. I know eventually ill feel better. How long did it take you guys to feel better? Thanks for reading, I know it is a long post.