Please help me

[Wishinitwerentso]

I have been reading these posts and they are so helpful. I am an ER nurse who has become addicted to Lorcet due to a bad knee that I need to have a knee replacement on but this has been a bad year for me so I am having to put off surgery for awhile.  Needless to say, it doesn't really matter how I got here, the facts are that I am in a place that I don't want to be in. I tried to go cold turkey last night and I didn't think I'd live through it. I have confessed this problem to my spouse who is also a nurse. He thinks cold turkey is best but I don't think I can stay on the straight and narrow this way.  Actually, I didn't plan it. I went to get a refill of it yesterday and the pharmacy wouldn't refill it because they said it was too early so I really screwed up.  I am so ashamed and miserable right now.  Any advice?

[overeasy]

just checking in hon.  How are things going?  Thinking of you.

[mamaof4410]

None of us here will ever judge you. Some people really have to hit rock bottom before they want help. Maybe you havent hit yours yet. I was addicted to heroin for 6 months. It all started with pills.
I almost lost my kids and my husband due to my addiction. I had to decide what was more important...My addiction or my family. I live with the guilt of how bad things got everyday. But I know I have the rest of my life CLEAN to make up for it.
Its not going to be easy to get clean but YOU CAN DO IT if you want it enough. Everything has to change. We are here for you wether you relapse or not. The day will come when you are truly tired of being tired. And we will be here for you now and then. There are some amazing people in this forum and they have gotten me through some pretty bad days. We will help you to.

[Brightfutureahead]

I know this time may have not necessarily been by choice, but still....I know you said you are in a place that you don't want to be in...so hopefully soon, it will be by choice?!

[Brightfutureahead]

I really believe, every time we try to quit, even if we don't get it right, it is a step in the right direction. Tell us more,me can help you...

[toothfairie]

why do you say that??  talk to us.....we are listening hon.....nothing you say or do will ever make us judge you.....let us know what you're feeling plz

[Teresa1717]

Talk to us. Why do you feel like your a complete failure??

[Wishinitwerentso]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm a complete failure and I'm sorry I wasted everyone's time.

[toothfairie]

how are you feeling today wish??  hopefully a little better today!!..please let us know if we can help you.....we are here for you always!!  keep posting and post new questions so they will appear at top of pages....

[Pat1956100]

I am thinking of you too. How are you feeling today?

[Workinghardtobreakfree]

Hi wish.
I am hoping you are doing ok. Thinking of you.
K

[Sonrissa]

Hi Wish! I just wanted to add my welcome and support! You have been given such good advice! If you can find the courage please cancel the refill! I know how hard it is to do that! But, do you really want to go through this again? And you will have to eventually! From my own personal experience, each detox and withdrawals get more difficult! I did it several times! You are near the corner and should start feeling better soon! You can get through this and it will be so worth it! Just think of all the stress right now! Time to get off this roller coaster!

Take care, I wish you the very best! Keep posting for support! You are not alone!

How are you feeling now?

[Gtowngirl]

Hello this is gtowngirl, I posted to u yesterday and wanted to check in with you...today can be a really rough day especially being a holiday. I don't have any of my blood family near me so it can be depressing. I spent the day at home too. But I chose to I'm 30 weeks pregnant and have been clean for 29 days now. I go to my N/A meeting tomorrow and get to collect my 30 DAY CHIP! YEA!  So if I would have gone to any in-laws or friends house for turkey I might have been tempted to pop a couple vic. That I know r in my in-laws bathroom cab... my back annd feet hurt a lot from being pregnant and my brain will use any excuse to use. So I was a good mommy and stayed. Clean again today. Its hard but if I can do it I know u can. I read a couple things id like to comment about. The refill- don't get it. The excuse for emergency is the addiction talking. And I love my N/A meetings. Try one, I know its scary and hard to admit yr an addict but they really help. Sometimes I don't want to go ,but when I do I hear someone else speak and its like they put into words how I'm feeling and it makes me feel better...my son in my tummy is kicking me super hard so I'm going to go eat and hope his kick boxing class will stop! If u need me I'm here. This site is connected to my phone so anytime u want to talk just send me a message and ill be right there..anytime...angels be with u ~gtowngirl~

[toothfairie]

hi wish!!!   just wanted to say these people on here saved me over the past 6 days....i feel like i have know them for years and have never seen their faces....if it weren't for them....i wouldn't have FLUSHED all my leftover pills OR called the pharmacy and canceled my last refill....i did both because of their encouragement and the strength i felt from them....so i did both....i still feel weak....but i went CT 6 days ago.....i am eating a little better....not gonna lie.....sleeping right now will be hard but just try to relax as much as possible and let it come if it will.....if not take naps when you can...and hydrate hydrate hydrate.....we are all here for you!! and pulling for you to succeed!!!  keep posting!!  

[Brightfutureahead]

You will feel good so good that is the truth! It just takes time but its so worth it! Just think, it took you some time to get where you are, you have to allow for some time for your mind and body to readjust. All of that euphoria and fake energy was just that...fake. We were not made to feel like that all of the time. It is unnatural. So u have to ante up, dig your heels in, and ride it out. Before you know it it'll be over (the physical stuff) and you will see- you'll have such a deep appreciation for things, you will laugh deep belly laughs and feel real connections with people.

I never thought I could be where I am today. Granted, it's not perfect, but it's sooo much better than the place I was at 3 months ago. It is awesome. even the tough days are so much better...soo much more manageable without those things. No more chains, no more worrying and counting. cancel that refill my friend :)

[Teresa1717]

Yes you can cancel a refill. I did it when I first stopped. All you need to do is just call the pharmacy and tell them you dont need the refill and want to cancel it. Mine didnt ask questions, they just did it. You dont need to get into any further details.

And yes I promise one day you will feel good again!! I really didnt ever think I was going to but I do! I am only 40 days in and granted im not 100% and I know that will take time, but Im about 75%! And it really feels so much better!! To me, Any bad day sober, is better than a good day high! NA or AA is a great thing! It helps!

You can PM anytime, if you have questions or just want to talk. I will help you in anyway I can.

[Pat1956100]

They are tricky little devils.  If your husband hides them for emergencies, you will be ripping the house apart to find them. They call your name.
You don't want to be anywhere near or have any access to them right now.  Concentrate on your sobriety and not the pills.  You can cancel them and forget about them.
How are you feeling now?  Any better at all?

[Wishinitwerentso]

Thank you Teresa.  Do you promise that one day I'll actually feel good again?  I didn't think it was possible to cancel a refill. I was going to have my husband pick them up and either destroy them or keep them for emergencies.  Either way, I'm going to find out how soon I can attend a NA meeting.  I actually work with someone who goes regularly.   I don't know.  I keep telling myself that I should be able to control it.  But that being said, history speaks for itself.  Much love and prayers to you who have taken time out of your own lives to help someone you've never met.

[Teresa1717]

OH honey, PLEASE cancel that refill!! You have to remind yourself of WHY you want to stop taking these things! I know that right now, you feel lost, hopeless, depressed and just plain sick but it does get better! I promise you!! There will be a day, and not to long from now when you will wake up and see that the fog has lifted, You start feeling things again. You can genuinely laugh, again and see things differently. Not through cloudy, drugged eyes!

I know right now it all feels hopeless, but dont give up on YOU. Getting of these pills is the BEST thing you will EVER do for yourself!! I promise you!! Just hang on tight, the ride is almost over!

[Wishinitwerentso]

Thanks.  I appreciate your endless patience.  I on the other hand are quite sick of me.  You think that my amount of usage was low?  I guess it's all relative.  Life has taken it's toll on me this year and believe me when I say that I realize how much worse their is out there.  I will keep posting. Your responses are the only thing getting me through.

[Pat1956100]

I have always found Day 3 to be the worst. Everyone is different and for some it's day 4.  With your low amount of usage, I am thinking today is the worst for you.  It will ease up and just come in waves and then the waves will come less and less.
You are probably at your worst now so hang on tight.  It won't last much longer.
Please keep posting.  It's a very rough day for you.

[Wishinitwerentso]

Day # 3.   Not only did I call in sick but I opted to stay home alone for Thanksgiving. My spouse went to his Mothers house and my whole family is all over the world.   But mostly I just miss the Thanksgivings we had as children.  I have really put myself in a state today and cold turkey withdrawl ***** the big one.  Truth be known, I am counting the hours until I can get a refill.   I can't stand the way I feel right now.   When does this madness get better?

[Pat1956100]

I sent you a private message.  Hope it helps.

[Teresa1717]

So many what? Addicts? Addict medical professionals? Yes to both unfortunately! Addiction is like Cancer in that it doesnt discriminate

[Teresa1717]

I took Ambien for sleep and for ME i had horrible sleep!! I had the wierd nightmares and blackouts! I was actually on Ambien for about 3 months prior to stopping Opiates and stopped the Ambien at day 15 or 16 I believe.I only slept about 3 hours max with the Ambien and after I stopped I slept less!

I know some people have taken it without problems but IMO I would try something all natural first! Like Ateril. I dont know is anyone has recommended that but it works pretty good and you dont have to worry about any addiction to it like with Ambien.