worried about girlfriend's parents

[no1dus_athang]

my girlfriend has a brother who abuses the availability of his mothers perscription pain killers... he is addicted... he is stealing money, checks, and medicine from his mother and the family... his parents know about his problem and pretty much the extent of it, yet they do nothing but continue to feed his addiction. i have talked to them about his problem and they continue to provide the medicine. they will not send him to a state hospital or a rehab center because he is 34 and believe that it "has to be his decision." They also use the excuse, "we put up with it because he is our son". it is driving my girlfriend to the point of depression. i am trying to make it easier on her, more than anything... is there anything i can do/say to make things easier on her and help her parents to see what they are doing is wrong? please help... im begging anyone who has advice. it would be much appreciated

[Sturgil]

Nobody could do a thing to make me quit. I had to hit the bottom or what I thought was bottom before I was able to see I needed help. Same goes for the parents, they would rather feed the need rather than using tough love. It a 2 fold problem. Only the police or serious sickness will change his direction. I would pray and pray hard.

Those outside the circle can see what is coming to those who use. However when I was using I could not see what was to come.

God's Speed.

Sturgil Flockin

[Kurt Cobain]

You are in an awful situation, one in which I have never found myself.  As "the addict", I was so focused on my own misery and the constant search for drugs that I never considered the impact my abuse was having on those closest to me.  To be brutally honest, the few times I DID consider it, my responses were pretty typical: from a)"well, **** THEM (whomever was giving me **** about my addiction) -- they don't know what it's like in here" to b)"why yes, I DO suck and I AM a waste of life -- they're absolutely right, and it's too bad for them that they have been cursed to have me in their lives".  There are many, many other lies the disease tells us in addition to these -- "I have to use drugs in order to even function in this family" or "I'm better off (more productive, happier, more social) when I'm high than when I'm not" to any number of others.  The point is, they are all LIES.

Unfortunately, your girlfriend's brother still believes all of them.  You'll hear it many times in and outside of this forum when it comes to addicts: we (the addicted) will never "get better" until we WANT to do so.  Many times that "want" comes from some kind of shocking realization or devastating circumstance that comes as a result of using drugs -- loss of a friend, a job, a spouse. . .all of the above and many more.  You will hear the term "hitting bottom".  Well, my "bottom" came a little over a year ago as I sat in a jail cell after having been arrested trying to pass a forged prescription for Percocet.  That experience, along with a few very odd things that happened to me immediately thereafter (which I won't get into here), seemed to serve as the kind of impetus I needed in order to begin the (still VERY on-going) process of trying to re-build my life.

In one of the Twelve-Step groups I have attended, you will hear that the end results of addiction are always the same: jails, institutions (mental and/or rehabs), and death.  Having now experienced two of the three (and no longer wishing for the third to come as soon as possible), I can truly say that it takes an awful lot to convince an addict that what they are doing may not be good for them.  The thing that sucks is not everyone has been as lucky (or blessed, or whatever) as I have been.  Many of us just nod off and die in the bathroom in the middle of the night, or get obliterated in our cars when we try to make it home so stoned we can't keep our eyes open (and see two of everything even when we can), or are alone with no one to roll us onto our sides when we start to puke as we lay passed out on our backs.  I was spared, for some reason, from all of those things (and many more others that I'm sure I don't even recall), and so have the chance to try to make something good out of my life.  There are so many people who never get that chance that I cannot, in good conscience, **** all over it, if you'll pardon the expression.

Your girlfriend's brother, by harming himself, is also harming everyone around him who cares about him. . .the same way I did for so many years to those who care for me.  You can see that this disease spreads the pain around very generously, the same way a nuclear weapon not only vaporizes its target but poisons all the land around it for years to come.  The only thing you can do at this point is be there for your girlfriend -- listening to her is probably the most valuable thing you have to offer right now (especially as most likely everyone else around her brother probably have very vocal opinions on what both he and she SHOULD DO -- which don't help the person who needs to get their own feelings out in the least).

Be there for her, if you love her.  And it is my wish for you both that you don't have to support her through a funeral.

Peace,

Kurt

[hippy]

hey there, there are books and litature
on famly drug intervention.
there is also the route of taking your girlfriend
to a naranon meeting , which is a support group for famly members
who have a useing addict in the famly, they have a lot of experence and answers for just the situation you are talking about.
like you said the effect of a brother who is addicted to drugs and his affect on the rest of the famly can be enotional
draining and can only get worse if nothing is done.

when ever a person is confronted about his or her useing
it should be done with more then one person.
most situations like this escalate, to the person taking more drugs, then  sometimes having to steal to support thier habit.

i hope you take some sort of action, keep seaching for answers
and let  us know here at the fourm how things are going.
,
there are naranon chat rooms also, just do a serch for naranon

peace!!!!!!!!!!!hippy