Trying to ween and detox at home

[ilikeraylewis]

I wake at 5 AM, I take 3 shots of vodka with a 10/325 Endocet and 1 Tylenol 3 with codeine. -  At noon,  I take 3 shots of vodka and a 10/325 Endocet, and one half mg Xanax. -  At dinner I take 3 shots vodka and a 10/325 Endocet. At night I I have one drink, 1mg Xanax, and 5/325 percocet. I go to bed early, before midnight. I dont sleep over two hours at once, up at 5am with the runs and withdraw next morning, go to bathroom, take shower, and start again. Duration of Endocet and percocet is one month. Alcohol is ten year. Xanax is 10 year. I do get two extra strength vicodins for DDD, but they hurt my stomach badly, so I take the Endocet and percocet. I have only two vicodins per day at my disposal, I have unlimited Xanax and Tylenol 3 at my disposal.  My routine is as I described and I wish to quit the endocet as they are not prescribed. Can I stop? Can I use my Xanax and Tylenol 3 or my vicodin to ween off? Will the long term alcohol be a problem, it doesnt seem like much to me. I do wake up in withdraw every morning, I have cold hands and feet when I wake. How di I detox at home and will it be hard. I Its not the amount but the regularity, and I didnt think that endocet for one month was bad. Maybe my mixture I described is adding up. What do I do to get through? Do I ween or stop all? The alcohol? 9 shots per day, never drunk but am steady. Again Endocet is only one month, vicodin which I stopped was long years, alcohol is ten and xanax is ten years. Little amounts never am wasted, but always slow and steady from early morning on. I have procured all the drugs that detox use, I have promethazine ( vomiting script), meculizine ( dizzy script), hyoscyamine (for runs script only), Magensium and zinc vitamin shots(which they give to alcoholics) and I have seizure meds. I dont get wasted, I get steady from 5 am till midnight, I space out the dosing and I just maintain a buzz, but since I already am using the detox and doctors detox drugs, the detox cant give me much that I am not already using on my own. Nine shots over 15 hours every day isnt a lot, but I never skip, so I am using the detox meds to fight withdraw, and I use the small stuff I wrote above.Endos are only the last month, nine shots from 5 am to midnight is ten years long, Xanax is ten years long. My totals are Endo tens 3 times a day, each dose with three shots of vodka, one tylenol  3, am down to 1.5 or 2.0 mgs of Xanax per day ten years. Is the fact thats I am not real heavy on the using numbers, but am long term systematic....and I use the detox meds  to fight off withdraw when I wake up. I even have librium. I am worried that my small, but regular habit is not treatable because I also am immune to the detox meds that they would use to help me. I even shoot the magnesium vitamin/shots that they give in detox, I run folic acid, B vitamins, Zinc, potassium....I have the same kit that detox uses, so how will they stop my alcohol withdraws and stuff if I am on the meds they use already? I have friends work in the hospital that told me all the meds they use to alleviate, and I am tolerant now so what can they use to calm my seizures or shakes since I am already taking what the hospital uses to help, I even use atenolol to regulate my heartbeat and aspirin to stave off heart attack, I think I used up all my options of relief by using them without getting clean. Why do I wake up sick after five hours?  Every morning? I am slowly buzzed all day and withdraw every night till early morn, then 5 am start again.... I was told that booze needs hospital, but its only nine shots a day and I space it out. I am a user who doesnt get high but just buzzed, yet I withdraw every night into morning.  

[clean_in_ks]

First, I noticed you have posted the same info on two threads w/i a 24 hr period.  Not sure which one to respond to you on.....doesn't matter I guess.

When I read your posts, several things REALLY jumped out!

Justification......lots and lots of justification for what you are currently doing to yourself......what you "used" to be.......knowledge about detox because of your "hospital" friends that work around detox.  Nobody has the WHOLE scenerio and complete knowledge of your current  "cocktail"......so any feedback you are currently getting or are deciding on your own cannout be safe or accurate.  You have to give the "manufacturer" ALL the parts and pieces before He can fix your brokeness.  Would you ask your mechanic to put your car engine back together if he didn't have ALL the parts??

Lots of pride and rationalizing in your repeated statements "of fact"
in your posts........and I think to myself while reading your posts, how scary.... "this guy is on the road to killing himrself"!

You absolutely CANNOT expect to yield any healthy results from ANY detox meds while you are still constantly feeding your poor, worn-out body with alcohol, opiates & benzos!!!  The detox meds are carefully and chemically designed for people who are NOT putting alcohol, opiates and/or benzos in their bodies.

Maybe you just aren't sick enough yet.....because your "buzz" is still working for you.  If your "suicide cocktail" of drugs and alcohol doesn't kill you first, maybe you will stop getting the results that keep you ingesting this absolutely crazy combination!

Just because your dosing numbers are not as high as others you have read has nothing to do with "where YOU are" NOW.  You are on the road
to destruction and I so hope you will take your "blinders" off and realize it before you totally destroy yourself.

What seems like "not much" to some is HUGE to others.  And visa versa.
That's not what recovery and a desire to get clean and sober is about.

You specifics are unique, yes..  But you are also NOT any different than any of us when it comes to the viscious cycle you are currently living.

I pray that you will get honest with yourself......
I posted a journal you might want to read on my profile page.  It isn't original, by any means, (nothing I share is original), but it is a letter written as though my addiction is talking to me.  It is titled "personal letter to me from my addiction"  The journal is open to anyone to read......it totally chills me to read it......cause it is so SPECIFIC and so ON POINT!  
Did I hit ALL the low points, experience ALL the things promised if I continued to use.....no!   But your bottom can be wherever YOU choose for it to be........you can look down and say.......I don't want to go/get THERE!

Medical supervision is a MUST.......you cannot mix detox drugs with the drugs you are trying to detox FROM anymore than you can mix oil and water.  It will never work!  
You already know HOW it works if you were active in NA (H=honesty...O=openmindedness....W=willingness)......the seed has been planted.........you just need to water it and allow it to grow instead of trying to mask it with drugs and alcohol.  I could not think straight when I was using......and from reading your posts......doesn't sound like you are either.
I pray you take action before it is too late.  
Blessings to you from Kansas~~~

[Inkgirl76]

I am repeating nursegirl, Do NOT detox alone. Acute withdrawls from alcohol & Benzos can be life-threatening or cause permanent brain damage. It MUST be done under a doctors supervision! PLease, please, please try to find an inpatient detox.

[SbeccaRue]

You do realize that the reason you constantly try and make it sound like your not doing that much is a way to rationalize the drug use in your mind, it is justifying what your doing and trying to make yourself feel better about it, if your justifying and rationalizing it in your mind you know your doing wrong!

[nursegirl6572]

My GOODNESS.

PLEASE don't do this by yourself.  You need to do this under medical supervision.  What you're doing is placing your life, and health, in danger.

[Jimmy1975]

Hello and welcome ! i can answer your waking with withdrawals everyday . As we abuse our tolerance to the drug increases . Example 1 i was taking just three 10/325 Norcos a day and i would wake up sick every morning . It doesn't matter how much or how little you're taking your body will eventually demand more ! Only way to stop that is either take more of the drug or stop and get your life back ! Witch is why I gather you're here ? If so that is a great choice and we are here to help ! What you are taking is quite the cocktail and it can only get worse so i hope you're ready to try and stop . As far as weaning i think I would consult your doctor for sure ! I wish you luck and please stay on the board as we are always here to help . peace Jimmy