UPDATE/ENCOURAGEMENT

[mshell62]

I am reposting this, as I had sent this as an answer to stargazer's question:


I think we all have to remember one VERY important thing:  Life is Hard.  It is not uncommon for the average person, or anyone, to get up and feel tired, depressed, unmotivated.  It is WHAT they do when they feel that way that separates an addict from a non-addict.  

We want to take a pill (path of least resistance) instead of face reality.  Instead of taking a morning jog or do at least 15 minutes of riding a stationary bike when we feel that sad, depressed feeling (to get a shot of endorphins), we pop a pill.  Its easier.  It takes less time.  

We have got to remember that those feelings of unmotivation are quite common in everyone.  We have to RE-TRAIN ourselves.  Is it easy?  Not for most of us, which is why we are on this forum.  You mentioned that you associated pleasant memories to taking pills.  I do too.  HOWEVER, that feeling wont last forever.  One's body becomes acclimated to the drug, and then it needs more.  Or a stronger drug.  This vicious cycle never ends.  You eventually run out of stuff and need to find more.  You cant find more?  You have to wait till you find a doc that will prescribe more.  Shopping doctors?  What a pain.  You have to wait for the pharmacy to open.  You have to find the money to pay for it, even tho it can be very inexpensive with insurance.  

FOCUS on the bad experiences related to being addicted.  

We have to look at the big picture.  What do we want for ourselves in the future, our children, our reputation.  It all matters, but when we are numb from vic or whatever, its hard to "see the forest for the trees".

This is what I try to encode on my brain every day.  I still have vicodin left, but I am tapering off.  However, today, I was just thinking of flushing the few "halves" I have left.  I don't even feel the effect of those little half pills I have left.  What's so fun about that?  If ya can't feel it.  

It is VERY hard.  I am sitting here shaking like a tree.  I want to run a few miles.  My chest feels heavy and tight.  But, I am truly feeling some sense of accomplishment.  

I am going to post this on the open forum, because I feel like it can probably help others.

Hang in there, stargazer and everyone else.

[mshell62]

As a famous comic said:  "You Can Do It!" - (Rob Schneider in, uh, LOTS of Adam Sandler movies....)

[keysmama29]

Thank you - that was just what I needed to hear today.

[mshell62]

If we can just keep helping each other, that's the whole point.  Hopefully, I won't BUT IF I relapse, I promise to keep posting.  I like when people relapse and they are NOT afraid to keep posting.  It shows they still WANT the help.

Oh, and I completely agree regarding so many people that we know and are surrounded with are addicted.  Doctors are addicted many, many times.  But I don't want to be in that huge sesspool, being flushed down the pot.  

We will do this, star....

[stargazer54]

yes thank you SOO much. I think i am going to print out what you wrote and hang it up. I am sitting here in my apt just thinking of everything...messed up trying to taper again. I dont get the energy anymore, i dont want to run a marathon, i dont even want to pick up the phone and have long conversations( i could go on for hours just talking and getting soo excited about stuff when on the roxy). But you are right. Reality is not meant to be exciting all the time. I take them now to feel even...or as i have not wanted to right but now its time, to feel normal. I never thought i would get to this point. Funny how one day your a recreationonal user or for legitimate purposes and the next you NEED that pill. Well the new year is around the corner and that is my resolution. I just need to surround myself with people who do not use. its actually insane though how many people in the city i live do drugs. These doctors are evil. I mean i am weak and its nobodys fault but my own but roxycotin is becoming an epidemic around me. Everyone is skinny, sleeps all the time and has acne. I am sorry for the ramble but i truly do appreciate your words of wisdom. I dont feel alone anymore and that is the worst part of the whole situation. Thanks mshell62 your the best!!!