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Avatar universal

Unconditional love..........

Beachtowel, I read your post referencing unconditional love and your mom. It made me cry and push back all the hurt and pain I won't, can't let myself feel because I am a Mom of an addict desperately looking for answers and desperately wanting to learn how to cope/deal with the situation. I will copy my post to you under the other question:

As a Mom of an addict who is now in serious trouble with the law I do not know how unconditional my love can be at this point. Up until now it has been HUGE but someone forged and cashed checks written out to my daughter from her employer's business account. I have seen the front & back copy of the first check and based on my knowledge of her handwriting, the evidence is pretty damaging. She and he husband were kicked out of my sister's house because we founf syringes, blackened tin foil, etc. I know she is still going to the methadone clinic because when I called and asked if her number was still dosing, she called me that same morning in a beligerent way and asked if I called the clinic, I said yes I had called and did so because I love you. The husband is most likely the one who relapsed since he could do nothing all day, not even take care of the kids. So, now she is fired from her job, moving from one flea bag motel to another with her husband & 3 kids. I want the garandchildren safe. It baffels me that she would do such a stupid thing just for $150 and $200.

This really hurts that she would choose her addicted husband over the children's welfare when her boss said that if she had left him and owned up to what was going on she wouldn't press charges, but nope, she chose to stand by her man.

So Beach, How far does a Mom take the unconditional love????
56 Responses
Avatar universal
Welcome to the forum Mom,

First of all I am sorry that your daughter and her husband are causing you enough mental anguish to watch your hair turn gray.............

One thing I did not include about my Mom and her unconditional love is that when I was in trouble with the law over the years she always told me to stand up like a man and deal with it and what ever the consequences.......
If I did go to jail then her unconditional love would kick in with frequent letters and commissary money so that I would have enough to eat and some extra for coffee and maybe a honey bun or two..

I have to post to your last paragraph:
This really hurts that she would choose her addicted husband over the children's welfare when her boss said that if she had left him and owned up to what was going on she wouldn't press charges, but nope, she chose to stand by her man.

Mom she no longer has choices when your hooked on drugs and in full blown addiction your addiction makes the choices for you..........
The addiction alters the brain in some thought process and emotional responses a great deal.......
Addiction is one of the strongest diseases in the world and until we all get on the same page with that addiction will continue to grow and destroy famililies all over the world........

I have to get ready and go to my homegroup as a GSR I have to attend this meeting..........
I will continue with this post when I get back I promise.....
be back in a couple of hours.........
Avatar universal
you have finally said something that made some sense. I'm surprised you didn't call her daughter a miserable unappreciative child though.....but you finally said something useful. That is the way to approach things and I'm glad to see it.
Avatar universal
The difference is this person is asking for help to recovery and not just worried about there next script or if the police are going to knock at her door.......
How about this scenario what if her husband is at work and she is home with her kids and the police show up with a warrent for her arrest......
They arrest her what happens to her kids.........
Her husband is working his *** off for his family when his wife lies, and steals behind his back hiding her addiction how do you think he will feel when he gets a phone call from jail and finds out Child protective services have his kids and his wife is locked up for illegal possession of narcotics by fraud....

I won't enable an addict nor would I allow an addict to hurt my family I would protect them at all costs........
All I was trying to do was get open her eyes and that she is in trouble and not just by the law but herself and she is also putting her family at great risk........

Sorry if our opinions are so different mine are based on a lot of experience and now formal education as well.........

Avatar universal
So Beach, How far does a Mom take the unconditional love????

It stops when it hurts members of the family and then tough love must kick in........
Both of them can't hear you right now Heroin and Methadone have all there attention........
I would concentrate on the kids besides yourself they are the true victims of their addiction and must be protected.........
Have you contacted Child Protective Services?
She is your daughter I understand but probably jail is the best thing that could happen........
It would keep her away from the dope and she will get clean.......
Jail is a very bad place to W/D from Heroin and or Methadone those are two of the big boys
and the W/Ds will be hard.........
If you have the needles and pieces of tin foil save them you will have to prove that there is probable cause and something more than just your word what there doing is endangering the kids......
The amazing thing is your accusations won't be enough you will have to have some evidence......

These kids should not be among your daughter and her husband that is what I would worry about....
and what I would concentrate on nothing you can say or do will reach or effect your daughter she is gone and lost in the insanity of addiction......

Any other questions that you have please don't hesitate to ask........
Please don't feel like your a bad mother for wanting to protect the kids from your daughter and her husband..........and get them the h e l l out of there........
Avatar universal
Jesus Christ...are you now a psychic as well? How in the holy hell did you come up with that whole scenario of what is going to happen? What right do you have to say anything about what is going to happen to one's family, regardless of how likely it may be? How dare you tell her to contact social services? Cause what business is it of yours? Just cause you have been using for a long *** time doesn't mean you have an ounce of experience on sobriety what-so-ever. you have 20 months..thats all! It seems like nothing for someone who has so much **** coming out of their *** about addiction. If she wants to put her family at risk, so be it. You have no idea how ridiculous you sound when you go on and on about knowing exactly what is going to happen. I'm seriously starting to doubt if you goto N/A at all...
Avatar universal
No I am not psychic but if you would of read all my posts you would no that I have an Associates degree in Social Work and now going to U of D Mercy College my major is Addiction Studies to get my CAC

I don't like working in the Social Work field because you have to deal with young children I would rather work with adults.......and would rather work with adults.......

So you in your opinion you would leave these children living among junkies shooting up Heroin and leaving needles laying around and black burned tin foil.........

These are innocent kids living in and out of cars and fee bag motels maybe your way of parenting this is acceptable but not in my world.........

Avatar universal
most foster homes are no better...talking from experience...i think i would rather be living in a world of **** with my parents then living in a world of **** from strangers, but if the family would take the kids that would be better...i wouldnt want cps involved with my grandchildren...
Avatar universal
I now will now speak with the emotion of my own personality in my opinion her daughter and husband should be arrested for child endangerment and thrown in Jail for at least a year.........
If I was a judge and they were in front of me that would become there reality.......then I would court order them into a one year inpatient drug rehab facility.......
I would also order the kids be taken away from them because they are unfit parents..........

I was answering a post that was directed to me if I they lived in Michigan near me I would personally get involved in this ladies case and help her get those kids and get them safe.........
Avatar universal
wait the whole thing is a bad situation I would hope that the grandmother would get the kids....she sounds very concerned about there well being and I also agree I would not want to put the kids into the system...........
Avatar universal
So, I see that you have now taken the position of the forum pot stirrer.

What I would like to know is this:  Why does Beachtowel intimidate you so much?  Could it be that he is right and your addict brain is in full addiction, unable to accept the truth about addiction.   You continuously ask him about judging others, but isn't that what you are doing to him?

Have you noticed that you are in this battle alone? Does that tell you anything?  I noticed that vicaddict and LIZZIE LOU also told her to take the children, and you did not jump their case.

So what?   Why the bone for Beachtowel?
Avatar universal
You know I have disagreed with you but have never attacked you personally.....because I am not taking your comments personally........
I have as you mentioned 20 months of clean time I work full time and go to school two classes a week....I am the GSR of my N/A homegroup, I volunteer at the MSO headquarters on the N/A helpline and I also recently started speaking at Harbor Lite inpatient drug rehab in Mt. Clemens twice a week to many addicts......
I agree 20 months is not a long time in Sobriety that is about the only thing I agree with you have ever said to me.......but many of the recovering addicts in N/A told me to get involved in Service Work and stay busy in your recovery.........my plate is pretty full but I feel great physically and emotionally and want to help people in addiction........
I am also not afraid to speak the truth and am not offended by anyones comments here towards me why are you so offended.....
Just a guess but I feel your using and it is your addiction that is pissed at me..........
I wish instead of always following me around here on the forum I would enjoy reading some of your posts responding to others looking for answers and your experiences..........
I have never directed any derogatory statements towards you why are you so offended by my posts towards others.......
Avatar universal
Beachtowell, wait2long,vicoaddict,

Thank you. You have all been on board with my thinking. Two222's attacks, after reading all the above posts, resemble addict thinking and defensiveness, although, I do learn much from you Two222. I am soooooo tired of all the lies and twists and turns that my daughter has presented to me. By reading th addiction fourum posts I have begun to be able to recognise more of the addict behaviororial thinking and have a better ability to distinguish reality from addict fiction, subterfuge, change the subject,  point the finger at someonelse .. to get the heat off me, that is instinctive for an aaddict and their survival. Two222 I am not rejecting you but based upon the consensus of numbers, and what has been going on in my mind, getting the kids out of thert hell and into a stable environment is the MOST important thing RIGHT NOW. How I can accomplish that, I don't know. The legal system sucks and my daughter and her husband are far too entrenched in addict thinking/behavior to care about their children. I WIILL DO MY BEST to save them as they are innocents and the parents know well what they are doing.

THIS IS TRUE HELL,  WHEN REAL INNOCENTS, CHILDREN, ARE FORCED INTO A WORLD THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER - AND THE ONLY WAY TO ACTUALLY HELP THEM IS TO SUBJECT THEM TO MORE HELL BY DENYING  THEIR ADDICT PARENTS  MONEY, HOUSING, WHATEVER THEY ASKING FOR AT THE MOMENT  BY THE USING  THEIR LAST RESOURSE - THE KIDS-  AS PAWNS SO THAT THE PARENTS CAN REMAIN  ADDICTS, NEVER CHANGING THEIR BEHAVIOR AND USING THE KIDS TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. THIS IS HELL TO DEAL WITH. ALL I WANT IS TO TRY TO HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF THIS ADDICT THINKING/BEHAVIOR SO I CAN HELP THEM ALL, NOT JUST THE KIDS...... BUT RIGHT NOW THE KIDS  ARE THE MOST AT RISK..... THEY ARE INNOCENTS.... GET A GRIP AND IF ANYONE CAN ELABORATE ENOUGH TO OFFER SOME HELP. thanks.
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