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Unconditional love..........
Beachtowel, I read your post referencing unconditional love and your mom. It made me cry and push back all the hurt and pain I won't, can't let myself feel because I am a Mom of an addict desperately looking for answers and desperately wanting to learn how to cope/deal with the situation. I will copy my post to you under the other question:
As a Mom of an addict who is now in serious trouble with the law I do not know how unconditional my love can be at this point. Up until now it has been HUGE but someone forged and cashed checks written out to my daughter from her employer's business account. I have seen the front & back copy of the first check and based on my knowledge of her handwriting, the evidence is pretty damaging. She and he husband were kicked out of my sister's house because we founf syringes, blackened tin foil, etc. I know she is still going to the methadone clinic because when I called and asked if her number was still dosing, she called me that same morning in a beligerent way and asked if I called the clinic, I said yes I had called and did so because I love you. The husband is most likely the one who relapsed since he could do nothing all day, not even take care of the kids. So, now she is fired from her job, moving from one flea bag motel to another with her husband & 3 kids. I want the garandchildren safe. It baffels me that she would do such a stupid thing just for $150 and $200.
This really hurts that she would choose her addicted husband over the children's welfare when her boss said that if she had left him and owned up to what was going on she wouldn't press charges, but nope, she chose to stand by her man.
So Beach, How far does a Mom take the unconditional love????
As a Mom of an addict who is now in serious trouble with the law I do not know how unconditional my love can be at this point. Up until now it has been HUGE but someone forged and cashed checks written out to my daughter from her employer's business account. I have seen the front & back copy of the first check and based on my knowledge of her handwriting, the evidence is pretty damaging. She and he husband were kicked out of my sister's house because we founf syringes, blackened tin foil, etc. I know she is still going to the methadone clinic because when I called and asked if her number was still dosing, she called me that same morning in a beligerent way and asked if I called the clinic, I said yes I had called and did so because I love you. The husband is most likely the one who relapsed since he could do nothing all day, not even take care of the kids. So, now she is fired from her job, moving from one flea bag motel to another with her husband & 3 kids. I want the garandchildren safe. It baffels me that she would do such a stupid thing just for $150 and $200.
This really hurts that she would choose her addicted husband over the children's welfare when her boss said that if she had left him and owned up to what was going on she wouldn't press charges, but nope, she chose to stand by her man.
So Beach, How far does a Mom take the unconditional love????
Thankyou for your response and concern. Having the children go into the foster care system has been a fear that I have had for quite sometime. The horror stories for childeren in foster care are numerous and study upon study has shown that children do better staying with their parents no matter how bad the parents are - most recent results was from tracking some 1,500 foster/not put into foster care children over the past 20 years and where they are today. Results, the ones that actually stayed with less than par parents did better than the ones that were put intoo foster care.
Believe me, I have looked hard at this situation from many angles and the reason it has gotten to this extreem is because I believed they would still be better off with the parents, of course it hadn't reached these porportions until these last few months. One several occasions I offered to take the kids so the parwent could go and do what they had to do - rehab - each time my daughter refused. The closest I got was to have the 7 yr old last school year from Jan - June so she could actually go to school since the parents couldn't get her there ontime if at all. Then as soonas school ws out I had to give her back, and at that point they both were still going to the methadone clinic so I couldn't contest it. Right now, my daughter will not let me know where they are staying but last I heard they moved into a studio apartment with a kitchen 2 adults and 3 kids. I believe she is still going to the clinic but I have no idea about the husband, still think he is using.
She is going to be arrested at some point soon because of forged checks from her previous work - most likely to support his habbit as her boss overheard several conversations with her groveling to him saying she was sorry and had to wait for her check as her boss was still busy. At that time the officer involced will have CPS notified when she is arrested (we are hoping for a warrant for the husband at the same time for theft, but the DA may not go for it due to sketchy evidence). It is a shame she will do time for her husband but she made the choice and has many chances to stay with her family if she left hime. She will not leave him, there is not much else we can do at this time.
I have worked to have CPS notified that we are ready, willing and able to take in the kids when this happens and since the system is so overwhelmed in this county they will be more than happy to give them over to family.
Thanks again. Anyone else with better suggestions are more than welcome to respond.
Bless you all.
Believe me, I have looked hard at this situation from many angles and the reason it has gotten to this extreem is because I believed they would still be better off with the parents, of course it hadn't reached these porportions until these last few months. One several occasions I offered to take the kids so the parwent could go and do what they had to do - rehab - each time my daughter refused. The closest I got was to have the 7 yr old last school year from Jan - June so she could actually go to school since the parents couldn't get her there ontime if at all. Then as soonas school ws out I had to give her back, and at that point they both were still going to the methadone clinic so I couldn't contest it. Right now, my daughter will not let me know where they are staying but last I heard they moved into a studio apartment with a kitchen 2 adults and 3 kids. I believe she is still going to the clinic but I have no idea about the husband, still think he is using.
She is going to be arrested at some point soon because of forged checks from her previous work - most likely to support his habbit as her boss overheard several conversations with her groveling to him saying she was sorry and had to wait for her check as her boss was still busy. At that time the officer involced will have CPS notified when she is arrested (we are hoping for a warrant for the husband at the same time for theft, but the DA may not go for it due to sketchy evidence). It is a shame she will do time for her husband but she made the choice and has many chances to stay with her family if she left hime. She will not leave him, there is not much else we can do at this time.
I have worked to have CPS notified that we are ready, willing and able to take in the kids when this happens and since the system is so overwhelmed in this county they will be more than happy to give them over to family.
Thanks again. Anyone else with better suggestions are more than welcome to respond.
Bless you all.
The reason you don't want the kids in the system are multiple. I didn't mention above, but my wife suffered sexual abuse in more than on temporay foster home, while at this orphanage. She was left there at 5. Her sister was 4........
If you do this wrong your daughters kids could end up in a worse situation than they are in now. I don't mean to understate how bad it is to be living with parents who are using needles. There is no worse addiction, and they definitely do need help. I am just butting in a little to see if a change in tact might have a positive effect asking your daughter for the kids in a loving caring way, not calling her a junkie, or yelling at her (not that you would, but some would). Please get the kids with her permission if you can, becuase there is no guarantee that a judge will put them in your hands. It's likely yes, but no guarantee. Maybe you even need a lawyer to tell you how to start, but "ask" you rdaughter first.
If you do this wrong your daughters kids could end up in a worse situation than they are in now. I don't mean to understate how bad it is to be living with parents who are using needles. There is no worse addiction, and they definitely do need help. I am just butting in a little to see if a change in tact might have a positive effect asking your daughter for the kids in a loving caring way, not calling her a junkie, or yelling at her (not that you would, but some would). Please get the kids with her permission if you can, becuase there is no guarantee that a judge will put them in your hands. It's likely yes, but no guarantee. Maybe you even need a lawyer to tell you how to start, but "ask" you rdaughter first.
I wonder how your daughter might respond to your asking her if you can keep the kids for a while, in a "until you get your **** together" time frame. Offer this using that unconditional love I've seen you guys talk about here.....They are her kids. My wife grew up with her sister in an orphanage, and it was a much better home than if their mother had not abandoned them and 4 brothers.
You don't want these kids in the system. The decision seems to have been made that jail is what they need. That may be very true. But that decision is for the court to make. You can at least try to get the kids like I stated above. Who knows maybe your daughter will respond to the unconditional love in a positive way. Maybe its stupid and you already know what would happen. Well offer it anyway, you may be surprised.
You don't want these kids in the system. The decision seems to have been made that jail is what they need. That may be very true. But that decision is for the court to make. You can at least try to get the kids like I stated above. Who knows maybe your daughter will respond to the unconditional love in a positive way. Maybe its stupid and you already know what would happen. Well offer it anyway, you may be surprised.
I am sooo sorry,i wish there was something i could do?! i guess your right its kind of a wait and see what happens game, the anxiety of it all must be so overwhelming...have you thought about counseling for you? maybe they would have some ideas, not only ways for you to deaL with situation at hand, but they might have some resources we are unfamiliar with to also help daughter/grandchildren??? just another thought, if i happen to think of anything else that MIGHT be of use to you, i will post it...again i am sorry for your situation and hope there is change for you just around the bend...peace&love
The police know about them and which car they drive, you have no idea how many tickets he has - his liscense is suspended. They wouldn't bust him because they gave us the syringes volentarily!!! Can you believe that one? .... bad dreams all night about looking for the kids and could only find the two girs in my dream, not the 5 yr old autistic boy. Nightmares.... I keep searching because I know there is always HOPE. The wait continues
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