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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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9880688 tn?1414119247

Update on my sobriety and grief!

Hi everyone

Well I've gone from sobbing every day to anger then back to sobbing.  I got mad at Joe, I got mad at God...heck, I was mad at everyone.  I hibernated for 3 weeks...I didn't want to do anything including work.  The only things I did during that 3 weeks was keep up with my program.  

Most of my medical issues have calmed down now thank the lord.  Finances are still up in the air but I have some irons in the fire which I hope will help out.  I miss Joe SO much...I can't even explain how alone I feel even when others are around me.

The only good news is I am not masking my grief.  No narcotics, no alcohol (don't like it anyway) and I wouldn't even let the doctor put me on an anti-depressant.  Right now my only goal is to get through the holidays.  In days after Joe passing we had Halloween, our 26th anniversary, Thanksgiving, my birthday and now X-mas.

I have a lot to do in January.  I'm going to be downsizing...kind of having a partial estate sale.  Then prepping the house to put it on the market IF I can't find a decent roommate.  If I can't then I'm going to sell and buy a little house In Spanish Fort.  About half the size of the home I have now but also half the price so I would have a little nest egg put up to build on.

Once I'm done with all of that stuff I plan on coming back.  I think it will really help me to help others again...keep me from internalizing so much.

Love you all lots.  You all kept me sane and without your words of support in October and early November I might have done something i would regret.

I lost 22 lbs in 3 weeks but am doing better about eating now.  I still don't sleep good but got one of those sleep machines....hopefully the sounds coming out of it will help.  Our best friends from Denver are coming for a week or two in January which is going to be so helpful to me.

Please continue to pray for me...that I have the strength and courage to carry on through the grieving process and continue to stay clean.  I hope all of you have a good holiday and please, please no matter what you are going through hold tight to your loved ones....tell them you love them every day, hug them every day and let them know how important they are to you every day because you will never know when the last day is going to be the last day.

Hugs and prayers to all of you.

Love, Kay
8 Responses
7689249 tn?1408022198
hi kay so good to hear from you i was just thinking about you the other day i can't even imagine what you are going thru but girl you just keep going and its so awesome you are able to stay clean thru all this heartbreak its really amazing cuz you know us addicts look for any/every reason to use i will be thinking of you and praying for you girl!!!!!
11318065 tn?1462988079
Hi Kay...Im Karen and new here but just read your post and wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you.  Grief is so hard and can only be gotten through at our own pace!  Keep taking care of you!!
Avatar universal
I think about you and pray all the time. This time is so hard. I'm glad you are doing ok and hope you have a good Christmas with family and friends around you.

Just like your recovery, this is one day at a time too. It's not easy. 26 years is a long time. You were blessed. Keep your chin up.
495284 tn?1333897642
COMMUNITY LEADER
Nice to see you check in.  I am happy to hear you are still clean.  Continue to let yourself grieve PK.  The tears are healing.  Wishing you comfort and strength~
Avatar universal
Kay,

So good to hear from you!  I think about you all the time, too.   It must be horrible to miss someone so much.   I worry about my husband's health all the time; he has very high cholesterol, was a life long smoker (quit 7 years ago, but the damage is probably done.) and trying to get him to exercise and NOT eat bad stuff is just futile, so I gave up for the sake of peace.

My heart goes out to you, honey.   At least you had 26 amazing years together; no one can ever take away those memories.  And he IS with you...I believe strongly that our lives don't end just because our physical bodies wear out.

You are an amazingly strong woman, hon.   So many folks would have caved and gone back to using pills to smooth out the rough edge of a tragedy like this, but here you are...incredible!

We've missed you here, but of course understand.   I hope to see your wonderful posts on here again someday...

Love you girl,

-Robin
Avatar universal
So glad to hear from you. Praying for you. GOD bless you & your family abundantly!!!
4522800 tn?1470329434
Hi Girl! I am so glad that YOU checked in. Yes it is very hard and now it is the holidays..As you know it has been a yr that I lost my Dad and father-in-law and next month will be my Dog and then my Mom. A few months after was 2 good friends. It has NOT been easy at all and then in my 23month that Heart thing really brought me down. As you can see I have not been on lately because I too needed to take a break after 2 yrs on here. I have been getting a bit better each and every day and have worked very hard not to drink or use. I think that in early recovery when all of this comes down at a person, even there Health, and they stay clean, then it can almost be down hill from there. To me if I made it this far I will continue.

I think of you so so so much and the loss of your Hub. I now am more grateful toward mine then I have been in our 29yrs of marriage.

Have you hit any Grieving groups yet?? These people really care and they will call or send small notes. This has helped a lot but I have not been to one in over a month..Church has really been my life savoir right now..This subject seems to be the one I wanted to know the most when they died..You know what I mean..Do Dogs really go to heaven too..lol I have been really getting some things answered lately, but it moves like a turtle as the Lord opens new doors each day..
YOU hang in and I am glad you are doing somewhat OK considering. PM me any time you need to talk. I am not on to much but I will try to get back..Just keep doing what you know is right..lol

Sending out a BIG PRAYER!!!!
Avatar universal
So good to see your post, I think about you all the time. I am so sorry for all you are dealing with. I think your helping others is a great idea for you AND all of us who so benefit from your caring and honest advice and support.  If I can help in any way on the financial side, let me know. I do financial planning for women who are going through exactly what you are.

Hang in there...prayers for you!!!
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495284 tn?1333897642
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