Uppers, Downes, Opioid and SSRI's.....why do I feel guilty

[Spinner416]

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recovering drug addict with 3 years clean with the help of Paxil, Suboxone and Xanax. I'll prescribed by the same Doctor Who is aware of my past addiction issues. I myself wanted to cut out the benzo's and went for a proper diagnosis and sure enough my instincts were correct.

Diagnosis: OCD, ADHD, ASD. The last is a new one called autism spectrum disorder in the old DSM-IV it would've been called Asperger syndrome.

Since the age of 11 they threw SSRIs such as Prozac and benzodiazepines such as clonazepam at me. This was to help call me down but all it ever did was call my body down and my head still would race I ended up on an extremely high dosage of three different types of benzo's.

We have kept the Suboxone at 16 mg. Paxil at 60 mg added Adderall (adderrall) XR 60 mg a day ( two 30')

Interestingly I've only been on this medication since January and I've been able to cut my Xanax dose down to 4 mg a day from 8 with no increase in anxiety or any withdrawal symptoms that are
noticeable. The goal is to wean off of the benzodiazepine completely or to keep it between one and 2 mg a day. And yes you are right I was taking 8 mg a day that's for the 2 mg bars as recent as this December.

My concern is that I am simply replacing the useless Xanax with an amphetamine. Yes for the first time in my life I feel calm in my head. I realize now I never look people in the eyes I never looked at their lips while they were moving and miss so many social cues because my head was always racing. Adderall (adderrall) has allowed me to discover this. However I am concerned because I am taking a benzodiazepine an opiate and an SSRI.

Should I be? In your opinion. I went for an ECG blood tests , blood sugar tests,liver and kidney tests and a long x-ray and everything is fine I have no history of heart conditions but something about amphetamine scare me. Or is this just because of the bad press I'm just interested in your opinions. Also do any of you know a give who takes dosages this high?
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[chocodoggy1]

Being someone that has had panic attacks and taken all the medication you have listed over the years I wanted to hopefully be able to help you out. My Panic Attacks starting getting really bad to deal with at age 27 to 50. I'm 52 now and no panic attacks for the last 2 years since getting treated for ADD with ritalin and then VYVANSE.  I was taking xanax but it really didn't help, yea sure it would calm me after about 1 hour of the panic attack but taking nothing would do just about the same thing after waiting one or two hours. I just recently started seeing a Psychiatrist again do deal with my ADD and depression. I was really worried that taking stimulants would cause more and worse panic attacks! To my amazement, I have not had any for the last couple years! Before taking the Vyvanse, I would have at least one really bad panic attack per week with regular hospital trips to the ER because in my mind, I was dying! LOL.....I am not laughing at anyone else that has these because when you do have them, there is nothing funny about them at all. I'm just laughing at myself because of all the times I really thought I was dying to the point of going to the ER. I had one of my worse panic attacks when I was a Bail Bond Agent driving with a partner to look for a skip (Person that jumped bond) I kid you not that my panic attack was so bad that I stopped my car on the Pima (now 101 fwy) in Phx, AZ. about 1 mile before the Scottsdale Hospital on Shea and 92nd St. My partner was cool and knew ahead of time that I had these but never witnessed on like this. The highway patrol officer didn't know what to think. I actually begged him to send a "Life Flight Helicopter" to pick me up! I am not kidding in the least bit, I actually seriously like my very life depended on it asked him for that! Anyways, I laugh now because obviously I lived and never died in the other ER visits but man I'm telling you that this is how bad these damn things can get. So I'm still Amazed that Vyvanse an Amphetamine has gotten rid of all this anxiety and stress not to mention depression. I too am getting ready to ask my Doctor for a booster pill because when i take my 8 am dose of 50mg, I'm feeling my add symptoms coming back big time around 3 pm. I really need to be able to stay focused for another 5-6 hours with my work and few hours when I get home to do the home things like bills, cleaning, hobbies etc....But instead I'm so zonked out and just tired and drained mentally, I lounge on my bed watching youtube and falling asleep at 7 pm sometimes, 8 or 9 pm. I can't just function really well for most of my work shift and not at all with my home duties. So yea, I'm really hoping that if I bring this up with my Doctor she will believe me and help me out and not think I'm just wanting for recreation because that's not it at all. So maybe see how the Vyvanse helps while decreasing and eventually stopping the Xanax. Ask your Doctor first but you might just be amazed like I was when this stuff actually calmed my anxiety like a miracle. Please update us all. I wish you good luck and Good Job on your recovery. You should be really Proud of Yourself. I don't know you and I'm always proud of people like yourself that overcome the odds and straighten out their lives and the lives of their loved ones as well. ** One last thing, how about that Suboxone! Is that Stuff a miracle drug or what? I was on 400 mg Oxycontin for about 16 years at my highest but more like 250-300 average. After back surgery and a bunch of thermal oblations that I had recently, I have slowly tapered down and about 2 months ago was told about some awesome miracle drug that would cover my pain or at least allow me to take less oxy because it would amplify the effect. They got me down to 3 x 15mg oxys a day which for me was something I never thought possible. It's basically what like suboxone but without the "Naloxone" Now at the end of two months, I asked if they could up the Buprenorphine from 1 1/2 8mg pills to 2 x 8mg for a total of 16mg Buprenorphine and I told them I could lower the oxy down to 1 x 15mg tablet. It's amazing, for the last 7 days I haven't even needed to take an oxy. Looks like I can just hang on to them for days they are truly needed which hopefully will stay like this now. So just really wanted to tell you my experience using this miracle drug and how it has been the best thing ever. I was so tired of always having physical withdrawals for the last 20 years waking the morning after not taking a dose for 8 hours. I always took them the way the doctor prescribed them  and never ran out for the entire 20 years but they for sure caused physical symptoms that were horrible sometimes. Once again, really wish you good luck and Pat yourself on the back, you deserve so serious credit for what you have overcome.

[Ben727]

I personally think you've been failed by the medical community. You're over-medicated, like so many Americans. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking any of the drugs you are on, but my personal feeling is that one should use the absolute minimum of prescribed drugs to feel happy and healthy. When you're on four, how are you or your doctor supposed to know which are helping and which are not?

If it were up to me, I'd have you medically taper the xanax first. Depending on what role it plays in your life, this could be really hard, or not bad at all. 4 mg a day is not a high amount, and it sounds like you're not abusing it. Next up is the Suboxone. You'll want to be extremely stable and comfortable with the other meds you're on, because withdrawal from this long-acting opiate is not easy. You probably started taking it due to abusing opioids at some point. You may find that if you're adequately treating your ADHD and ASD now, you won't fall into the same traps that got you addicted to opiates in the past.

Actually with all that said, if I were you, my first order of business would be getting a second opinion. It can be really hard finding a good psychologist. Most of them these days are psychopharmacologists, so it's tough to find one that is interested in actually reducing the amount of drugs you are on. And it's also tough just finding one that will take new patients. So again, that would be my project if I were you. Interview as many as it takes to find one that meshes with your goals and has a good plan around reducing the amount of meds you're taking.

Good luck!

[NeverAgain127]

If you have true ADHD, then the Adderall won't act like speed; it will help you with clarity and focus.

I agree getting off the benzo's is a good idea...but it should be done slowly and ONLY under medical supervision.

Yes, your dosages are on the higher side, but I'm not a doctor.   Did you ASK your prescribing physician whey s/he is putting you on 60 mgs of Adderall a day?  Did you start a lower dose, and work your way up?   Starting dose for adults is 20 mgs a day, but everyone is different.

The Paxil dose is also on the higher side, but not crazy-high.  Same question:  did you START at that dose or work up to it?  The SSRI's although not technically 'addicting' do sometimes create tolerance.  

Years ago, I started at 10 mgs of Prozac and ended up at 60 mg/day.   I stopped cold turkey; what a mistake.  You have to wean off these drugs.  BUT.  You shouldnt' be starting or stopping without your physician knowing about it.

Not sure what you are asking for...lots of folks have to take 3,4, 5 or even more meds in order to balance their brain chemistry.  

[jifmoc]

Hi there. You say you are in recovery but you are taking adderall, benzos and suboxone? That may be why you feel guilty, as you put it.

Our bodies and brains can handle a lot. Until they can't. Honestly, I don't see how you can be properly diagnosed while you are on all that stuff. When was the last time you were diagnosed when you were 100% clean?

Of course amphetamines scare you: you an addict taking an addictive substance (3 actually.) What is your goal? I know you are tapering off the benzos (good!) But what about the big picture? Do you want to be clean?

Let us know.