Please help me figure this out... I am 8 days clean off 8-10 (10mg/325). I have been abusing it off and on for 4 years. I have a 5 month old special needs daughter. I was taking the vicodin to help cope caring for her. She is extremely high maintenance. We have had a horrible time with her in and out of the hospital, DCFS investigations because of an unnoticed broken bone. All extremely stressful, financial trouble. Over the last few months, I have not been able to eat and I vomit when I am stressed out taking care of her. Well, last Monday I woke up and said I had enough. I still had vicodin available to me but I told my family I couldn't do it anymore. I went to the ER and explained my symptoms. Explained that I was addicted to vicodin, stress, post partum issues. After they loaded me with adavin, they convinced me to commit myself to the psych ward. I did, I was told It was a regular hospital unit and I would be able to rest. Anyway, I met with the psych in the am and he said that I didn't need to be there. Said I would have another bad 48 hours of withdrawal and he prescribed Klonopin for anxitey and said to follow up in his office. . I am already taking 20mg of Lexapro. I went home and rested for a few days. When I take the Klonopin at night, I have horrible thoughts ( I picture the baby dead, not that I want to hurt her but I have visions ) When I take the Klonopin during the day as prescribed I fall asleep immediately. Now, being in that unit it seems like EVERYONE was prescribed Klonopin. I still can't sleep at night and have horrible runs and upset stomach. I am committed to recovery but every dr. I talked to my OB/GYN, counselor and psych all said to continue the meds as prescribed and give them a chance to work. I HIGHLY disagree but want to follow drs. orders. I still don't trust myself with my little girl. I have told my whole entire family about my addiction and my husbands family. I have asked that I am not alone with her for the next few weeks b/c I have horrible anxiety when my husband leaves for work.
Here are my questions if you would be so kind to help me...
1. Is this addiction or post partum depression?
2. Should I continue to take the Klonopin (.5mg and I split it unto fours - told to take at 8am and 2pm)
3. Is it possible that I feel so ****** from the withdrawals that I just don't want to be around my daughter?
4. Any help for the runs? I tried immodium, pepto, bananas
5. Any cure for night sweats?
Thanks for much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!