Avatar universal


Hello everyone, I'm new here...just found this site searching the internet for any help or support I could find.  I've decided to quit taking the vic's and perc's which this week will be a year of taking them.  I took them once before but never like this.  I actually started taking them again when I delivered my daughter, almost a year ago.  They gave them to me in the hospital and I quickly began abusing them shortly thereafter.  I am so disappointed in myself and just want to be a good mother.  It's a vicious circle because I want to stop this abuse for my daughter, don't ever want her to know or feel any ramifications from it, but at the same time, every time I stop, I feel like such crap and can't do anything, at home or at work.  I can barely pick my child up to change her diaper, let alone enjoy her or have a nice time with her.  So, I start up again to stop the discomfort and extreme lack of energy so I can keep up with her.  After about an hour, I feel much better again and we have a great time.  I have wasted so much money on this addiction I could have probably paid off all of my bills including my car!  It's gotten to the amount of $120 every 2-3 days if I stretch it out.  I have a very good job who offers plenty of overtime which has helped me afford much of this but at the same time, I am extremely afraid of losing it.  Yet, another of many reasons I have to stop this.  I'm so scared though...I've tried to call and set up an appt to get back on the antidepressant I was on previously because it seemed to help me back then, but they can't get me in for almost 2 months.  I went to my jobs CONCERN to talk to someone as I am extremely depressed (lost a parent shortly after my child was born, in addition to many other things) but I obviously cannot tell them the real reason I am there, so that's kind of pointless actually.  I would like to get my old life back, the one where I enjoyed things all on their own, not because I had 20 vics on hand.  I had such a passion for life and enjoyed everything about it.  I loved to get out and do things...I guess that is part of the problem as well.  When we had our baby, there was no more getting in the car and just "going"...which used to be a great coping skill for me.  I'd plan trips, go get my nails done, go shopping, go out to eat, etc...then all that had to stop when we had our daughter because of course, that's just what happens.  I'm fine with that now, I did go through some depression and getting used to that for a couple of months but I'm adjusted to the new lifestyle now and love our family.  I guess my point of writing that part is that I'm not sure what to do this time to "cope".  I can't do the same things I used to be able to do to get me through something like this.  Any and all suggestions or words of wisdom, support would be greatly appreciated...or just someone saying they are going through something similar right at this very moment or that they did go through this and survived.  I wish I could go get professional help but my career path is one that does not allow such a thing.  I can't even tell anyone about this except my significant other.  I feel so alone in this, which if I don't find someone to talk to soon I don't know what I'm going to do.  Thanks.  God bless all of you in your endeavors as well...xoxo
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Avatar universal
Hi there. I wanted to apologize because I felt I may be able to offer support and give you someone to relate to so I was way into my reply when I fell asleep. Which is super ironic sense I'm detoxing from methadone and no sleep is a huge issue.  I'll attach what I did get done so I'm sorry if it's incomplete.  Please feel free to message if you have questions or just need a friend.

Hi and welcome. I'm so glad you posted and looked for support.  That's a huge step. See you've already started the recovery process.
I hope that my experience will help you to remember your not alone and also give you some info that might help.
I'll start by saying I'm on day 29 of detox from methadone.  29mg daily and decided it wasn't worth another long uncomfortable taper to still have to have withdrawls at the end. I personally hated methadone and was on it 3-4 years. I also spent the entire time angry that I had gotten on a drug that can take anywhere from 3-5 months to complete the detox to "treat" my pain pill addiction. Which by the way is so much shorter and easier. I've read 1-10 days for pills but it could be anywhere in the middle for you.  I was completely sick, bedridden and have pretty much no memory of it for over two weeks. And now almost a month in I'm physically feeling much better but still can barely find the energy to get up and have developed this new anxiety/ butterfly feeling that is always there and increases if I have to think about pretty much anything. My husband even jokes when I always loose focus or forget so.ething that I must havery saw something shiny. Lol.    I know I sound really negative about methadone but that's just from my experience. I know it has it's uses for certain things. It just brought me a bad experience that lasted for years.  I never understold why they would not have told me this will help now but it's much harder go get off of. I could tell you all kinds about methadone do's and Don's. But I don't think that why your here.
In three years I lost my dad, sister, aunt and favorite dog. I then lost my job and found out I was pregnant. I thought for sure that was o e of the worse times in my life. Then we found out my fiance had cancer and spent the next year going through treatments.it probably a year and a half when he lost the fight and passed away. Two months before our baby even turned 2.  
And it's horrible that before he got sick we never room a trying.
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
HI :)... Congrats on your decision of quitting....you deserve a better life and being healthy, tatum.. I know you are doing it for your daughter but you need doing it for YOU, YOU ARE SAVING YOUR LIFE BY QUITTING, addiction is always progressive and it never stops if we don't quit... whereas there is life and light at the end of this tunnel of addiction when we leave the pills behind.... getting clean is easy comparing to staying clean as people say here.... but be positive that if you work on your recovery you can do it too... Now, read the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol, pls , to find some advices that can help you with detoxing ( health pages, right side of the screen ).... read old posts to see what people are doing and what are helping them and stay here in the forum for support, ok ? : and post any questions you may have !
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Avatar universal
I'm sure someone more "senior" will be along to help but wanted to let you know I can relate to everything you said. I got hooked on oxy just after my youngest son was born. When life got completely miserable and I did my cold turkey jump I had my grandmother come and stay with me to help watch the kids. I got through those wicked wds with her help. Is there someone who could come stay and help you? Like I said, people with more experience will be along to help you but just know that I'm out here too and fighting the same addiction.
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