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WHY DO ADDICTS LIE????

For those who do not know, Carlieridofboy is my daughter.  I have spent the past 7 weeks with her, helping her detox, and attempting to love her through the desperate position that she has created for herself.  She posted an interesting topic a few days back regarding mental withdrawal.  I debated for several days about whether I should comment to it or not.  I didn't want to chase her away from this forum, and yet, I knew that she was blowing smoke up your rear-ends.

We finally had a confrontation today, as she returned to my home after two days of being MIA, and obviously under the influence.  And, she has opted to continue her addicted life.  I say "opted" because I do feel that it's a choice.  Carlieridofboy had every opportunity to stay clean at my home.  She just doesn't want to.  She wants that high.  She wants her user boyfriend.  She wants to strip and use and take advantage of the family who loves her so desperately.

So, she packed up what she could fit in a few black trash bags, and off she went.  And here I sit, praying to GOD that somehow, she will survive herself.

My response to her latest post on mental withdrawal.....

Here are the facts... She did NOT lose her job.  She couldn't work because she was detoxing and too sick.  She had the opportunity to talk to her step dad about going back to work but opted not to.  To this day, she is still on the payroll and the company insurance.  Her step dad did NOT tell everyone about her addiction.  He told a few family members because she was living in HIS house detoxing, and he was attempting to keep them away and give her some space. Her co-workers already figured out that she was on something, because believe it or not, people who are not using can certainly tell when someone is ****ed up.  And yes, she DID "snatch" money from the company.  But since she MEANT to put it back, I guess it's not considered stealing????

Why do addicts lie??

Does she truly want advice on whether to strip or not?  No, she does not.  She is already doing it and her "cover" is this message board.

Why do addicts lie??

Within days of going back to her choice of work, she began using again.  Or at least her boyfriend text messaged her that he would get her a "bag"... and "when are you bringing my bag??"  How would I know this?  Because she continues to have use of the cell phone that her step father provided as an employee (and I am privy to the records).

Why do addicts lie??

I HUGELY love my daughter.  But I will not be an enabler.  And I think if there is one thing that every addict needs to hear, it's the freakin' TRUTH.  I know, I know... no addict wants to be faced with an ultimatum.  They just want the people who love them to keep loving them, and nevermind the damage they are doing to themselves and the rest of their family.

Well Carlieridofboy, you would have been miles ahead by being honest, and by really being "rid of boy".  Instead, you post nonsense so you can get feedback that makes you feel entitled to doing what you're doing.

Why do addicts lie??

I so wanted to help my daughter.  And now I find that there is absolutely nothing that I can do.  And my heart is broken.  I pray that she survives... the drug use, the controlling boyfriend, the sexual perverts who are feeding their own sick addictions....  I pray that her baby boy survives the mother who injects herself with drugs and stays up all night to entertain men with her body.  I will pray for them both - every day of my life.  But I will NOT ENABLE.

When I first came to this message board, I got some wonderful advice from lots of folks on how to get my daughter thru her detox.  Several of you literally held me up in my deepest despair.  I thank you again for that.  I'm just not sure that there's any place on this message board for me now... but before I leave, I just wanted to clarify what the REAL story is... and to ask just one more time....

Why do addicts lie??




  
23 Responses
271792 tn?1334983257
Oh my goodness. You have so been on my mind. I did not see her post.

Addicts lie because they are addicts. I don't know how else to say it. My heart breaks for you because I know what you have put into this. I know how you have been there for her.

I remember I kept edging you to get her into rehab. Because of her drug of choice, it is near impossible for her to stay clean without professional help. There is more to it than just the drug itself.

You can still be there for her Di, but she has to find her own way. I pray she makes it back. One thing I will say.....getting clean is going to mess with her getting high from now on. Simple as that sounds, it is the truth. It may be that she will come back sooner than you think.

I think you are doing the right thing by not enabling her. All that will do is keep her using longer..you know that. When she comes around, tell her that you will help her only if she goes into rehab. that may wake her up.

I also mentioned aftercare to you, on more than one occassion. This is why I stressed it.

Again, my heart is heavy right now when I saw this message. Please stick around and talk....scream....cry..vent..whatever you need. You know you will find good support here from caring people.

Hope to see you post again.
Avatar universal
All I can say is.... "good post IBK.... "  My heart is out to you DiEvano....  Jeez....

Trout
301197 tn?1198345206
My goodness, I read your post and I literally have no words to make you feel better nor can I relate to your situation, but I hope that she soon realizes what she's doing, I relate this to my cousin who is 15, and how protective I am of her, and Carlier being your daughter I know it's tough, but IBKleen, and others are filled with information, they are open books and happy to help out wherever needed.  DiEvano, you and yours will be in my thoughts, and please post again, if there's anything you want us to research, email, anything short of flying out there we're happy to help you out.  Much love, Ba
Avatar universal
I"ve been an addict all my life and for the past 7 years have been in a program where I hear storys like yours on a daily basis. Your reaction( your post) and your decisions as to what your going to do is what you should do. Addicts lie because there is no way to live an honest life when it literally revolves around games,manipulation,and alot of lies. Lies about the addiction,money,promises to stop,you name it.You cant make the decision  for her to change but you wouldnt give her a gun to continue robbing banks either. I believe the hardest thing for a loved one to do is stop enabling but how would you feel if you bought the drugs that killed her or put her in jail. If we believe that drugs end in jail institutions or DEATH then its really a form of assisted suicide. I hate being harsh but you sound pass the point of just wanting advice and understanding and you"ve certainly been lied to enough already. You have hard decisions to make but you sound like your making the right ones. Never stop encouraging her to seek help but make sure shes absolutely aware of your feelings and that you"ll always be there should she choose recovery,,,gl
347379 tn?1201224513
My heart is aching for you right now........you are in my prayers
228686 tn?1211558307
I'm sorry it's not working out. Why do addicts lie (more than most...?)

I suppose it's a due to a personal conflict. There's an image of who we want to be, and what we really are. They lie because they aren't happy or satisfied with what they are/ are becoming.

The lies are a statement of intent. Intent that they WANT to be a good person. But they're doing bad things and thus try to convince all (including themselves) that their doing the right thing is a possibility.

Or...they're just doing it because they could care less about being a good person, and are just telling others whatever they want to hear to get what they want from them.

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