Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Waking Up

After quitting drugs we are covered in this deep fog and confusion wondering how can we get and stay clean and how can we ever be happy again without using drugs. The pain of w/d's then all the mental stuff brings many back to relapse after a short time because they don't believe or have faith in the recovery process. After my countless relapses, i can see I never made it far enough to heal. I used to think a week clean I should be back to normal, lol. Besides our bodies healing, the biggest impact is how our brains heal and begin to rewire themselves, how our thinking patterns change and we start to believe in ourselves and self doubt fades. There will come a time shortly after you stop using and begin to heal, that it hits you like a tonne of bricks. That reality took me a month of being off drugs to happen and when it did it was overwhelming. I can't even explain it, but I am sure ya'll know what I am talking about? For those of you that have experienced this it felt almost like a rebirth, like something came over us and we woke up. This is when my recovery began. It took me a full month to even believe in myself, but now I have all the confidence in the world, I will never go back. My thinking patterns are completely different now, I no longer look to get high when I am stressed or sad and to me that is a minor miracle.  Did you have a defining moment after quitting when you experienced those overwhelming feelings that made you ball your eyes out? Did all those feelings hit you at once like they did me? How long did it take for that fog to lift after quitting? BE HONEST, at this point are you confident in your recovery and staying clean?

25 Responses
Avatar universal
It took me a good 4-5 months for the fog to lift - greatest moment ever.
230262 tn?1316645934
oh yes GIz most definitely. ALot of my crying though had to do with guilt. lots of guilt. When i was finally clear headed enough to think right again, i thought OMG what have I done?? how COULD i have done that?? Look how much time I let slip by with my little boys growing up while i was in a haze!! I had to make myself stop dwelling on that because that kind of BAD THINKING can lead back to relapse. I had to focus my feelings onto better things and become GRATEFUL that i finally got clean, that i got clean in time to save myself from death, in time to still see my boys continue growing up, and be able to spend quality time with them without me being in a haze or chasing where the helll my next pill supply was gonna come from and being on teh merry go round from helll of WD/find pills/get pills/ drug haze/ WD and repeating that. When i think back now about those days, im utterly amazed and flabbergasted how much time i wasted on that merry go round. And how i was always absent mentally with my kids- i was always busy thinking where i was gonna get my next stupid F'ing pills from!!! God, Im so glad Im away from all that now!!!!!!!
Avatar universal
I'm too early in my process. But I look forward to it. I'm glad you have gone so far. It's a definite inspiration
777543 tn?1259360517
I echo Danny, as I'm not far along enough into the recovery process, but it's inspiring to read posts from those who are. Gizzy and troubleinohio, thank you for your words. They definitely hit home.
Avatar universal
RB and trouble, it feels so good to be on the other side now, sometimes I don't even understand how I let myself get that far down, I guess thats good I don't know, lol.

Danny and illadelphia, you will be seeing a lot of positive changes soon and that's why at first they say one day at a time, because at first it seems impossible, I promise that changes so stick to this and you will see. Read the positive posts here and those that have some clean time and they will tell you how much better it gets. Hang in there kiddos.
711224 tn?1344771687
still waiting for my rebirth.........................
Avatar universal
This post has many truths.. My moments of true clarity like you took about a month.. I never wd for mental health before it was either this surgery is over or that pain has healed and don't want to push the Dr. that was before I shattered my foot.. I thought I was under control as I played and walked away as I said before wd was not the enemy.. my brain was.. Well once I tripped my brain on percs and started seeing a shrink..  it woke me up..  That was the hardest the mental aspect.. a few times I thought oh no this ain't worth it.. but IT IS.... You know those thick plastic sheets that cover door ways I felt like I was viewing life and feeling through one of those.. Once tore down.. It was amazing everything was so bright and clear.. It was all right there all I had to do was step through.. Yeah I did !! I'm now a lil over 5mo. clean and I do not regret one sec of what I went through if this is the payoff I would do it again in a hot minute just to wake up to who I em today..... Thanks gizzy .. lesa
718869 tn?1236260459
It's 2 months for me tomorrow and i feel good but i still haven't felt that way. it is so hard everyday i really miss the high and i think about it everyday. i have been good and i will still be good i just dont know i want to feel like that so bad!
777543 tn?1259360517
Congrats on your almost 2 months of sobriety, Ronnie! I'm sure you'll feel that way soon, since everyone's different. I wish you all the best. :)
Avatar universal
Congrts on 2mo. Ronnie...  That is an accomplishment.. delphia is correct we are all different.. I think the difference for me was I do not miss the high.. I was so desperately unhappy in active addiction.. I was so low any lower they would have buried me.. I had to work for my recovery.. everyday I forced myself out with the dogs.. I had to force myself to do everything.. but once I got involved in my life.. it gets easier.. hang in there and find something besides drugs that brings passion... I also wish you the best :))
723959 tn?1314744225
I felt it not yesterday, but the day before I woke up and all these feelings overwelmed me. I am only five days clean from hydros, its seems though i finally woke up.. Every issue that made me use, i had to face them and i was ready. i was crying non stop. I called both of my sisters and told them everything that i had done on the past and why i ignored them so much. and i explained to them if i get weak again, to slap me or talk me out of it. when my husband got home i said some things to him i was scared to say for years. and i told him if he did not live a clean life we are done.!!! i realized all the money i blew every damn pay day. All i can say is Yes i do believe it was a rebirth :-)
the way i think is totally different.

718651 tn?1237042917
It has been a week today for me,,, YES,,, I do feel like i'm experiencing the world like a child again, there are so many things that i didn't take enjoyment in that now i do,, if you say it gets better than this,, i can't wait.... thank you for the inspiration..

740886 tn?1233717443
It's been 50 days today and I do feel a huge change since I quite.  A new understanding and acceptance of what I have done to my brain while using.  Like Ronnie, everyday is a struggle.  Everyday I think about those pills and try to remember how it felt.  I'll have pain and imagine that I can go home and pop a pill and wait till I feel less pain.  My thought process has changed and I feel I am a better person, better daughter and friend to everyone since I am here and clear headed.  But it is a battle.  Constant fatigue is the worse and I'm trying to battle it all with supplements that help but I am finding it's stress which sneaks up on me and takes me down.  That and big milestones, today is day 50 and I woke up with a headache and just exhausted.  I think I need to take today and stay in bed to recover.  I want to push myself but I am afraid of over doing.  I realize I am still healing and that is difficult cause you'd think after 50 days it'd be so much easier.  I realize I have PAWS and I am trying to allow myself to get what I need when I need it and when I need to take time to get my head together, I take it.  Cause I'm not taking that pill so whatever I do is usually better.  I am not perfect.  Looking forward to another 40 days and hoping by then I will have that overwhelming feeling of relief...  Thanks to everyone for posting.
Avatar universal
i agree 1 month then as reality came back my emotions were all  over the place and yes it felt i was reborn also now im having good days mostly and  not many bad days now each day that goes by a feel better and feel as though im winning and i really feel now that im confident i will never go back as iv never been this far before i realise i too hadnt been long enough clean before to realise its not just becoming physically clean that made me think i had overcome my addiction but i know now it takes longer than that i have also faced trials that at one time would have made me go back and take something just to get rid of the bad feelings that also was about after 3-4 weeks. i cried my eyes out but realised i didnt need drugs to cope with life which gave me confidence that i didnt think i had left so i now know that i dont need the drugs and can cope with things so i am very confident but will never let my guard down in my recovery
Avatar universal
whats up been a while since i talked with ya and man i really wish i could feel that im doing the same as usual here likeu u said in the first week or so u grab for what u kno when ur stressted ot sad or mad whatever and i just cant seem to get past that first week or so. but after reading i want that uplift and fel like that without these lil pills and when i get to that point ill be sure to write my experiences im actually looking forward to writing when i realized the fog lifted but as of rite now im in a storm and i aint seeing so well. talk u later gizz
Avatar universal
Your are so right about that fog. I'm only on day 4 and today I feel soooo good. The 1st 2 days were the worst, yesterday was better and today I took a walk on the wild side....I got dressed and took our 4 dogs for a walk in our woods. I walked out to take the trash out and I was like WOW, it felt so good outside. I just stood for awhile looking around at my own yard. All my fruit trees are blooming, spring is coming...I can't really remember much of Monday & Tuesday. I slept about 7 hrs last night...I'm only drinking green tea (UGH) and water. I have no appetite, but I am making myself eat fruit bars,garnola bars and special k cereal. I am taking B12 and multi vits starting yesterday. I AM SO HAPPY...I am still a little tired but much better....I think I make really break out and drive today. The weird thing is my ole buddy hydro got me high the first couple of months,but after that I just kept taking it to get me going. Is that weird? I tried taking 3&4 at a time just to try to get the buzz....didn't work. I tried to quit in Dec, wds stopped me real fast...But in Feb. I made a plan, with a stop date....and so here I am....I WILL make it....Whats so stupid is when I was young I did any thing I wanted to do and never got addicted to any thing...I never tried the real hard stuff...just speed, pot, **** like that and drank a LOT. I don't know what happened to me last summer, guess I just lost my damn mind...But I got it back now and thats how it will stay...Thanks Grizzly...
Avatar universal
I used daily for over twenty years and I took longer then a month to feel well- Someone earlier mentioned PAWS- I remember I cried everyday for the first 2 or 3 years but I stuck it out. I got 9 years last month and I have felt things like love, hope, joy, forgiveness, peace, satisfied. I never felt these when I was using. I have accomplished goals I never even thought to dream while using.
If your life seems to get worse without alcohol or drugs in it you might have a problem-find a program and stick it out-it does get better. Even your worse day clean is is better then your best day using!
Avatar universal
Hi jt, at least your still trying, but as you know it's extremely difficult at first. I would like to see you get over that hump. How long did you make it clean? Do you think it's more the w/d's or the mental aspect keeping you from staying off them, probably both I guess. Are you still using right now? I won't give ya a hard time, lol. Are you still in contact with those offerting you pills? Sorry for the questions.
Avatar universal
yea i was clean twice since i last talked with u once for about 9 days and than about 4/5 days i dony kno i thnk it may be more mentall than physicaal but both are def there as u kno and yea im still on em as we speak i keep sayn this is the last day or last handfull but it just like a briken record ya kno
Avatar universal
Since you made it 9 days I am sure you were over the hump, but probably still not feeling great. The mental part IS the toughest and although w/d's are hell, they go away. If we don't make changes and continue the same patterns it's a never ending cycle. You know what you gotta do. Where do you find your strength? Cmon man dig deep, I believe in you, you just gotta believe in yourself.

Besides w/d's, write down on a piece of paper or make a journal here of your list of triggers, what triggers you to use, then work on eliminating some of them. There are ways to make getting clean a bit easier, it's never easy, but we need all the help we can get.
Avatar universal
Took me around 3 months to really feel like I was (am) "on the other side"...not that the one to two months time period was terrible, just not the same as now.  And that is what I needed to read when I was a month or so out...that there were good successes out there.  And really it is amazing...not that is was worth going down that road, but I honestly feel much better than before I started using by having the addicted time to compare to.  Like most life, do not appreciate something until there is something to compare it to.
52704 tn?1387020797
i found that it was like peeling away layers (some compare it to an onion).  i noticed a big change after 30 days, but an even more dramatic change at around 90.  after that the changes seemd a bit slower and often less obvious unless i actively compared my "now" to some past time.

i remember that around 6 or 7 months my visual perception of the entire world changed.  it was like suddenly switching to HDTV after long watching some old set with poor reception.  it was breathtaking and it still is . . . as long as i remember to notice the world around me.

i don't think the changes ever stop.  it's not a matter of my getting back to where i was before.  for one thing, where i was before was the place of a man bound for active addiction as surely as a train on the west bound track is headed west.  for another, i think recovery means and requires continual spiritual growth -- as i grow in any given area, it becomes clear (sometimes painfully) that that i have far more room and need for growth in that area than i ever suspected.

i have given up thinking that i am, or ever will be, done with change or growth.  that used to bother me - i wanted to be finished!!  but it seems like a good thing now . . . like being done would in fact mean that i'm finished with living.

435658 tn?1257805781
It took me a few mo's then ya it hit me, first it was like over load of emotions and depression remembering what all i did on the pills and everything i had missed out on then it turned to like u say almost like being born agian and full of happiness and couldnt believe that i had actually did it, now when i do feel the cravings they dont last long at all and instead of feeling like i want the high i remember the bad parts of it and i know i will never go back. The best part was getting the connection back and trust of my kids.
Avatar universal
yea i thnk ur rite bout being over the hump its the main trigger is my own mind when i statr thnkn to much usually bad like what i have done and done it to and thnk bout all the streeseors thts a real trigger nut i gota find a constructive way to deal with these problems casue there gona b with me the rest of my life and the everyday thngs life has to throw at us that we all have to deal with i gota find btr wat 2 deal w it
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