Aa
Was SO pissed last night
After bf and I got back from the AA meeting last night, I asked about the tramadol Id purchased before I knew I was going into detox. I bought 90. He had 25 from a dr. I asked him to bring em to me so I could count em, he was going to give them to some guy at work, was curious as to how many there were because before I went to detox (days before trying to wean myself off the percs) id taken about 5 altogether. There were 43 left. You do that math. At first he told me he only took a couple a few times a day thinking it would help with his alcohol w/d. This was AFTER Id told him about my friend taking those and having a seizure. I finally got him to admit he was taking handfuls at a time. I asked WHY? Did you get high? And he said no and he didnt know why he did it. So I felt so hurt and betrayed because Ive always been open and honest with him, even when I had to go to my ex's and "do things" for pills, hes always known because Ive told him. He said he was ashamed to tell me. I told him WHY? TRUST is KEY for me! I cant be with someone who lies to me, be it big or small, I dont care. A liar is a liar. He took 70 tramadols in less than 5 days! I asked "did you want to die?" GEEZE LOUISE! Im sitting there in detox and he's home poppin tramadols like candy. It wasnt the fact that he took the pills (that I can relate with obviously tho it pissed me off cuz he coulda died) but the fact that he lied is what got me crying and so upset. I almost walked out. But I told him Id stand by him if he fails, etc but I wont stick around for lies...
And then I stood up and got the bottle of trams he was gonna "give" to his friend at work and put em all down the garbage disposal.
Man do I have a headache from cryin last night.
So I drank a cold starbucks coffee (caffeine make my headaches go bye byes) from the fridge and ten minutes later I threw it all up.
By the way, since Ive been out of detox (a week from today) Ive lost 12 pounds. YAY! My goal was 10 a month but this will work too. Snckers....
And then I stood up and got the bottle of trams he was gonna "give" to his friend at work and put em all down the garbage disposal.
Man do I have a headache from cryin last night.
So I drank a cold starbucks coffee (caffeine make my headaches go bye byes) from the fridge and ten minutes later I threw it all up.
By the way, since Ive been out of detox (a week from today) Ive lost 12 pounds. YAY! My goal was 10 a month but this will work too. Snckers....
you have a great sense of humor, i get po'd intense like that. but i love to read your post they make me smile knowing i am not the only one who feels this way. thanx!! but usually its my hubby who pi s ses me off!, and inside i divorce him at least 7 times a day.
lol jill
lol jill
Nicotine* patches. Not bicotine. LOL....now they also gave her some chantix. She always gets any medication she asks for. It is just unreal.
Good for you girl! I could not agree more. I know for myself that I have ONE elderly friend who has been on mass meds for years, since she was 18. AT 18 yrs old she had to have wrist implants due to rhum. arthritis. Well her body is filled with it now. She has a bad back, legs, etc. I am sure she is in pain. No doubt about it, but besides the implants on her wrists she has never had any other surgeries. they want her to come in for a back surgery and a knee replacement ( so she says, been telling me this for almost a year) So I guess what I get from that is if she is that bad off, then why is nothing being done. Like in my case...I had the pain, had the MRI and had the surgery. Still the same now as I was before the surgery but I also have doubled my weight, etc since being on the pain meds.
Anyhow...drs have her on vicodin and all kinds of other stuff, thing is she runs out within a few days time. But always complains of how bad she hurts, and always asks ME for meds b/c she says her pain is not like mine. And that her pain is worse, etc etc. Ugggh. She will beg me all the time. i finally blocked communication with her. Only reason is, that one she has NO desire to ever be off any medications. And two, her constant reminder to me of "vics" is too much to deal with. Ever since I actually "admitted" what I needed to do, I look at her and think to myself no way in h e l l at 56 years old do I want to STILL be in this position. Pain or not, I can't use that excuse. I need out now. Not only that with what I was using I doubt I will even make it to that age. That is how old she is now, 56. She gets 2 dif kinds of sleeping pills, benzos, bicotine patches and smokes like 4 chimenys. Immodium she eats like candy, I mean everything with her no matter what is always gone with 2 days time. Even her inhalers. I do not get that. So over time I began to realize she is just one that has to constantly have some sort of medication in her body at all times. Her bubble packs she picks up consist of 17 dif. medications. None for high blood pressure, or heart nothing. All that is good, she has no other health issues.
But she spends DAYS in bed when she is out. All she does is sleep. She gets meds bubble packed b/c of her history and only a weeks supply at a time. So every week she spends 2 days, running on no sleep and eating meds like candy then sleeps the other 5 days.
So what you decided to do was the best decision you can! You have to for yourself and your recovery. I am also glad to hear that bf is also getting help. I am pulling for you both and thoughts and prayers your way!
keep us posted! And by the way I did read your other post as well, "My Yesterday"...glad to hear all the great news and such a positive attitude! Very inspiring for me! Thank you for sharing.
Huggs
Tracy
Anyhow...drs have her on vicodin and all kinds of other stuff, thing is she runs out within a few days time. But always complains of how bad she hurts, and always asks ME for meds b/c she says her pain is not like mine. And that her pain is worse, etc etc. Ugggh. She will beg me all the time. i finally blocked communication with her. Only reason is, that one she has NO desire to ever be off any medications. And two, her constant reminder to me of "vics" is too much to deal with. Ever since I actually "admitted" what I needed to do, I look at her and think to myself no way in h e l l at 56 years old do I want to STILL be in this position. Pain or not, I can't use that excuse. I need out now. Not only that with what I was using I doubt I will even make it to that age. That is how old she is now, 56. She gets 2 dif kinds of sleeping pills, benzos, bicotine patches and smokes like 4 chimenys. Immodium she eats like candy, I mean everything with her no matter what is always gone with 2 days time. Even her inhalers. I do not get that. So over time I began to realize she is just one that has to constantly have some sort of medication in her body at all times. Her bubble packs she picks up consist of 17 dif. medications. None for high blood pressure, or heart nothing. All that is good, she has no other health issues.
But she spends DAYS in bed when she is out. All she does is sleep. She gets meds bubble packed b/c of her history and only a weeks supply at a time. So every week she spends 2 days, running on no sleep and eating meds like candy then sleeps the other 5 days.
So what you decided to do was the best decision you can! You have to for yourself and your recovery. I am also glad to hear that bf is also getting help. I am pulling for you both and thoughts and prayers your way!
keep us posted! And by the way I did read your other post as well, "My Yesterday"...glad to hear all the great news and such a positive attitude! Very inspiring for me! Thank you for sharing.
Huggs
Tracy
BF and I went to his addiction specialist today. It went well. They said he can go back to work monday which is good cuz he really needs the $ right now BADLY. He's also enrolled himself in the same kind of intensive outpatient program that Im in, were just going to be in seperate groups obviously. So far, so good!
Yes! I actually ate last night. Bf was making tater tots and I ate some of those. Then I said I want mexican food. So he went and got me rice and beans and chips and salsa. Ate like a starving child! (k, so maybe thats not nice but whatever! I did!) And no more throwing up...I feel fine physically, just a little tired...I will write about that drama in a new post entitled My Yesterday
Thank you for taking the time to read my ****. Weve talked about it, I told him his work would probably pay to put him in a treatment center (just dont think he will get paid for time off unfortunately and right now hes going thru some money issues) and we go to meetings together already. Weve been to 4 in 5 days and our seperate counselings sessions etc...He has one today. I got my sponsor last night. She is a wonderful person, maybe a few years older than me with 7 years clean. We have a lot in common and we both felt a connection the first few times we spoke. Im meeting with her tomorrow evening. She also lives in the apts next to mine which is great. He finally admitted to me he had a problem about a month ago (with the alcohol) but I know its much, much deeper than that. Im trying to get him to go to rehab....it helped me tremendously.
Day 14.
Heres to today
Day 14.
Heres to today
But please consider addicts lie and not necessarily the man..........
His brain is effected by his drug use and distorted he is no longer at fault.......his addiction is making all his decisions now.......
the problem with being in a relationship is Truth honesty and loyality is part of a healthy relationship.......
He needs to address his problem......you just went through detox now he needs to go....
Then perhaps you guys could fight this addiction together,,,attend meetings together....etc.......
you committed to each other are you both willing to team up and fight the addiction that is driving a steak through your relationship.........
His brain is effected by his drug use and distorted he is no longer at fault.......his addiction is making all his decisions now.......
the problem with being in a relationship is Truth honesty and loyality is part of a healthy relationship.......
He needs to address his problem......you just went through detox now he needs to go....
Then perhaps you guys could fight this addiction together,,,attend meetings together....etc.......
you committed to each other are you both willing to team up and fight the addiction that is driving a steak through your relationship.........
A person who is taking pills like that and in that quantity and not even getting high has a deep rooted problem. Trust is first and foremost but plase try and see him as an addict and see ifh e's interested in getting help for himself. Make your decision about your relationship, if it's in jeopardy, after you hear what his decision is on that front.
I feel for you and I wish you well.
I feel for you and I wish you well.
Hello Bet,
It sounds like he should also be in detox......and he has a problem......
From what I took from your post he is guilty as s h i t......
It sounds like he should also be in detox......and he has a problem......
From what I took from your post he is guilty as s h i t......
OOpss! Lets make that 15 pounds. I just weighed myself last night which isnt good so I did it this morning just now and Ive lost 15. Cant wait to see the next 15 fall off!
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