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8548587 tn?1426132056

Well I'm Back

I was on here of April of last year. I made it 6 days and then I caved. I never signed back on because I was too embarrassed by my failure. It took me a year to have the strength to try it again and this time I am even more determined than before. I called my pain Doctor and cancelled my appointment and told her why. Cut off my main source. It only took me a few months to go from my prescribed amount back to 16 norcos a day. I also cut off all my other sources. I am in the midst of day 3 and feel like s**t but this time feels different. I am forcing myself to keep moving during the day. The nights are awful but I found 2 ways to help. I either sit on floor in shower or just go drive around for an hour or two. For some reason when I am driving with music on it all subsides. Everyone here helped me so much last time that this time I am sticking like glue to this forum. prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated. I do have one important question: I have been taking these opiates for 15 years. Generally speaking how long till I can expect the worst of it to be over?
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Avatar universal
You know the old saying "third times a charm"? Lmao! No, for me, the 8th time was the charm. I too, was ashamed to come back on for a while after I would relapse. It's just part of the human condition. We build these relationships with the people on here during some very dark hours, and we are afraid that we are going to disappoint them with news that we have buckled. It makes you wonder why you can't get your schitt together while everyone else is holding strong. BUT...every time I was willing to try again I would come back with my tail between my legs licking my wounds and not once did I ever face judgement from the good souls on this forum. My own family couldn't even give me that. God forbid I ever stumble again I will quit the drugs again, but I will never quit quitting. Good luck to you.
Helpful - 0
8548587 tn?1426132056
Thanks for the honesty. Having a real struggle today. I do fine till late afternoon and then I seem to go into a downward spiral. I did get out today and kept moving most of the day but by this time I'm toast. I knew it was gonna get worse before it got better. I am being super vigilant with myself cause it is only day 4 and I caved on day 6 last year. NOT letting that happen again no matter how bad it gets. Having a pretty sick time of it but for some reason this time is different. If someone walked into my house right now with 500 pills I know I wouldn't touch them-not one. I finally made the connection and even at my worst I seem to have control of my brain and my thoughts. This is the LAST time I am going through this. Besides my other half has been promising me for ten years to fix our disgusting bathroom-total gut job and redo, any way I want it. And for 10 years it hasn't happened. Before he left for work he handed me a piece of paper that he signed and dated promising me he will finally do it if I hang in there and get through this! Now there is incentive lol. P.S. The cost of my addiction is why we haven't been able to afford to do it for ten years! So to get my life back and get a new bathroom, what girl wouldn't suffer for a few weeks, months, however long it takes. This site is amazing and I don't think I could do it without all of you. When I need inspiration I just sit and read everyone's story and I know I can make it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi honey:

I was on opiates for over 8 years.  You asked how long this will take. I'm going to be gut-level honest with you.  I felt like C.R.A.P for 14 days.  It took 2 weeks for me to turn a corner.  

The hard-core stuff that helped:

1. EXERCISE.   Move, move, move.  If you just can't, well, you can't.  But if you are able to get out, any amount of exercise will bring you one step closer to the nightmare of withdrawals ending.

2. WATER.   Have a bottle of water with you at all times...you should be peeing a lot and your urine should be pale to clear.   Once ounce of water for every pound you weigh...if you're 128 lbs, you should drink a gallon of water every day.

3. LAUGHTER.  Can you get on youtube?   Watch old stand-up comedy.  George Carlin, Richard Pryor, or newer stuff like Louie CK.  

I think it's awesome that you've found 2 tools (the shower-sit, and the music-drive) that work.   You'll assemble more arrows to stow away in your quiver.

Don't give up. Just don't.   Life on opiates is so awful, and it really only takes a couple of weeks of feeling horrible before the physical symptoms wear off.  BUT.  The mental stuff is the worst...that's where meetings, talking, therapy, etc come in.

Keep in touch, and CONGRATULATIONS!
Helpful - 0
8548587 tn?1426132056
Thank you. I am going to start meetings first of next week. I have been addicted to "something" since I was nine years old. Would like to see what life is like without being tied to it. As far as baths-I don't have a bathtub but I find sitting on floor of shower under really hot water very helpful. I couldn't believe what happened today. The pain center where I was going actually called me and told me I should reconsider canceling my appt. Apparently they don't want to lose business! I told them I would never be back and that they should be more careful about handing out meds that can destroy people's lives. I am in pretty bad shape but even this sick my resolve is strong.
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
GREAT POST!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi  good to see you back....you have been given great advise from the other posters....there are many forms of aftercare  I tryed most the pastor of my church... a substance abuse conslor..  even a shrink they all helped somewhat but the addcit in my head was alive and well..  I still had the obsessions the compulsions the resentments  it wasent until I hit the rooms of N/A that I found serenity ....the meetings are only a hour long and it will give you a safe place to share whats going on in your head  as well as hear others that are going threw the same thing  we exchange phone numbers and hugs you become part of the N/A family  in time you will loose the very desire to use  something  no other program offered  you dont have to speak until your ready to.. this progam not only keeps me clean  it has givin me a amassing life I cannot recamend it highly enough just google N/A meeting in your area....as for sleep and rest  run a bath as hot as you can stand it get in and soak as long as you can  even if just for 5 min  get out and lay down in bed and dry off there  let the air gently cool you  this really relaxes you  then simple get under the covers and try to sleep  this really worked well for me  you can try melatoin  valarin root  or camameel tea  The tea helped me  sleep returns slowly  you sorta live on cat naps a hour here a hour there  the best healer is time  just hang in there  try your best to keep a positive attitude  this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental...I have said this a million times  but you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile  keep posting for support... if your willing to do what ever it takes to make it I recamend doing 90 meeting in 90 days   dont get overwhelmed by this it is ezer then it sounds and will get your roots deep down into the program...I still go to 4 meetings a week and also speak at one of the local rehabs here in phoenix...you cant keep it unless you give it away.....will keep you in our prayers.....Gnarly
Helpful - 0
8548587 tn?1426132056
not feeling good enough today to do anything. But not feeling bad enough to give in. Will check into aftercare programs tomorrow.
Helpful - 0
11318065 tn?1462984479
Hi and welcome back!!!!  SO you must be on day 4 now!  Congrats on that!!!  You should start feeling better in the next few days!!  Id say if you are up to it get to a meeting!!!  Is that what you are going to be doing for aftercare??  NA/AA meetings?  If so then it would be good to start going now!  If you are going to go into outpatient treatment or see a therapist you should work on getting those appts. lined up!!!  The sooner the better!!!  Aftercare really is the key to staying clean!!1  Keep hanging in there and keep posting to let us knowhow you are getting on!!!
Helpful - 0
8548587 tn?1426132056
How soon do I need to find a program? Should I start now or wait for the worst of this to be over?
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Avatar universal
Btw- I just read your other post. I remember the exhaustion but couldn't rest, hunger but couldn't eat, staying up ALL night, shaky, sweaty etc. Notice I wrote the word REMEMBER. Meaning, it's over. It ends. The staying clean part is what we have to do. Not just GET clean. You don't ever ever (ever) have to go thru detox again if you work a program.
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Avatar universal
GOOD!! Day 6 will be here...and gone in a flash. Trust me on this:)
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8548587 tn?1426132056
And I am staying very close to this site this time!!
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8548587 tn?1426132056
thanks, I.m trying not to beat myself up too bad. It doesn't help. Just told my two daughters tonight that I am trying again. Asked them to keep a close eye on me this time. Maybe call and ask me every day if I'm still on track. Last time I made excuses like my daughter needed me to watch the kids or my other daughter was coming home for the weekend and I didn't want to be sick while she was home. Not gonna do that to myself this time. I actually am going to check into aftercare-once I get through the worst of this. I so want this to be the last time I have to feel this way. Can't wait to get to day 6 again, feels like a long long way from here.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Patty! I detoxed and joined in May 2013, clean for a few weeks, then slowly went back to using. Many of us have done that. Like addicts have never seen other addicts not stay clean, ha ha! I came back June 2014 the same as you. Since you know the drill, let me tell you the difference between staying clean and going in circles: aftercare. I didn't do it then, and I was miserable and using. That's the only difference for any of us. You will remove the drugs and guess what? You are still an addict w/ an addict brain. And that is the work. The wds will pass.

You were clean for 6 days last time, use that as your cage. You prob felt a tad better by day 6. After that, for the next few weeks you will have symptoms but they slowly get better.

Stay close to the site, kay???
Helpful - 0
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