What can I do to help my son..

[SophiesSon]

   My son had been really blowing through money.  I couldn't figure out why.  He's 20 years old and decided to quit going to college.  He has a part time job that if he was very careful could cover his rent. He's a musician in 4 different bands which he loves but they do not provide any income. When I confronted him about the money he said he was addicted to Opiates, specifically oxycontin.  He said he would get it on the street and it was called Roxy.  He said he would take 3 pills at 30mg each and smoke them.  He said he wanted to get off the drug. He was going through physical withdrawals.  It was painful.  We spoke about it a lot for the first week then he seemed better.  He said he had cravings but was working on controlling them.  He also has no money right now that I know of. He spent his last $40 on pot so he said.  He does smoke pot daily.
    When I think back there are so many red flags.  I always was fighting him about pot in high school.  He also experimented with ecstasy twice, ambien, xanax, and Vicodin in High School. Who knows what else! He tends towards things that mellow him, helping with anxiety.  He doesn't like things that speed him up. Sophomore year of college he got a kidney stone that wouldn't pass for several months and they prescribed vicodin and oxycontin!  While he was home recuperating he stole many of my husband's hydromorphone pills.  They were prescribed for my husband when he had brain cancer and went through surgery.  They were 4 mg each and he must have stolen about 30 of them over just a couple of weeks!  I was so mad and disgusted. My son and I had it out. I think he stopped for awhile. But something happened and I've been noticing the weird spending.  Also for the last year and a half his hygiene has gotten worse.  Showers every other day or every third day, greasy hair, etc.That has gotten a bit better recently.. for awhile it was bad.   Then of course the ATM withdrawals that were quite a bit of money. Those were all the red flags that I see when I think back.
        So now it's been two weeks since he went through those physical withdrawals. The first few days I worked with him on it, getting him something called clonadine to help the withdrawal symptom and also getting some 5-HTP, Omega 3, and Vitamins, etc.  I asked him about ten days into it how it was going and he said in an annoyed tone that he hadn't thought of those pills until I asked him.  So now I am afraid to ask because I don't want to cue him in on the drug.  I don't know what I should do.  I know he is living in a house with 4 other musicians and they smoke pot all the time.  I know one of his band mates has attended a Narcotics Anonymous meeting so probably has the same problem.  I also know that my son will not have the cash flow he used to have because he no longer goes to college so his dad no longer gives him money.  My son and I were talking and somehow it came up that heroin was much cheaper than many drugs.  He says that would never happen but I am so afraid he will turn to Heroin next.  Any advice on what I might be able to do to help get this turned around?

[SophiesSon]

Hello .. Thank you for the thoughtful replies.  They were interesting and helpful for me.  killerzoey, I also don't like how pot feels and so it's hard for me to understand.  I personally think it is a *demotivator* and you don't get as much accomplished in life and for him, it is at the risk of not getting that next song out there for people to hear, etc.  That being said, you made me feel much better about the fact that its not a danger to him.  It won't 'take him down' so to speak which I must admit I agree with you.  And I also agree that doctors continually prescribe things that are so bad for those with addictive personalities, and for everyone really.  So your points made me feel better because when I call Narcotics Anonymous they say he has to abstain from EVERYTHING and for a 20 year old musician I think that is asking more than he probably is willing to do.  And if that is what they require then he won't do it.  So does that mean he can't get help just to get off of oxy?  That is my greatest concern.  I know he is playing with fire.  I feel that he is getting off for awhile and letting his body kick the habit so he doesn't require so much.  Then he takes a few more later. It's such a dangerous game.  And what really concerns me is his desire for that bigger more intense high.  I really think he loves the feeling when those Opiate receptors kick in.  I am so terribly worried that he will OD on Oxycontin or turn to heroin next because he can't afford the Oxy.  He told me regarding oxy that " 3 pills cost $60 and it just goes down the drain like that- Gone!".  Will that make him turn to heroin?  Do you have any of you have thoughts on that?

So if he is buying these pills maybe 4 times a month is that a huge concern?  Is he an addict?  Over the years he has stolen pills from me.  Recently he was talking of selling his brand new guitar that we bought him for his birthday.  I made him give it to me instead because he owes me $200,  I told him I loved the guitar and would keep it safe for him. He was talking about selling other musical equipment too.  I feel like he is at this crossroads. He can play with fire and eventually get really burned and that will be so horrible, (OD, homeless, prison etc.) or he can decide that it's just not worth it.  I want so badly to help.  I keep reading these books that say they aren't thinking clearly.  They think in a twisted way that leads them to do things they otherwise might not do- steal for example.  I've looked at rehabs, inpatient, outpatient, residential and I have no idea what to suggest.  He asked about a Suboxone Treatment center but I wasn't sure.  I felt he just wanted to try that drug, or use it to keep him happy between fixes of oxy.  Do people do that?

Glitterdog, you asked if he can come home for awhile until he gets a job.  He actually has a job that is part time. He makes just enough money to cover his rent and food.  I do pay for his public transportation. So he would be set if he wasn't spending all his money on drugs!  Also, it wouldn't work to have him at home because we have three younger children here and I feel he is not a good influence.  We do have family get togethers and everyone loves seeing him and visa versa.. but it's easier on me if its just for a little while so we don't go into the battles over lifestyle philosophies.

Thank you all for your input and I welcome any more help you can give..

[killerzoey]

Hi

I'm really sorry your son is having trouble. I thought it was touching that he told you the truth and even details about his habits. That shows a close relationship and trust and possibly him being at a point of really wanting to quit. If you keep being there for him and understanding, he will hopefully continue to be open to you. The rest is up to him. It sounds like he has access to great tools - medical help and NA.

This is ONLY my opinion, please take it with a grain of salt. As someone who does not personally like the feeling marijuana gives me (in the five-ish times I've tried it in 20 years)...I have seen many people do fine with its long-term use. I have been on the sidelines of the music scene, and I have known people personally who have gotten really out of control with meth and crack. I've seen drugs take people down hard. I know of a few musicians right now who are messing due to pill abuse. But I've never seen anyone taken down by pot. Again, just my experience. Others may have opposite input.  There are some powerful strains out there now, which I am not very knowledgeable about, but in general my opinion is that there are things doctors could give for anxiety that have greater potential for harm.

Take good care, and maybe consider Al-Anon meetings for yourself?

[herionabuse]

Great post and helpful info...

[glitterdog]

I am really sorry to hear of your son's problems. My advice is to do whatever you can to keep communication going with him. It sounds like he tells you the truth when you ask him questions so that's good. You need to find out what's going on at the house where he lives. Also you might consider attending nar-anon to get insight into addiction, so you can deal with this armed with the right knowledge. Can he come home for awhile until he goes back to college or gets a job? It's probably good that the cash from dad has slacked off a bit...