shame of addiction

[Abby116]

How do you deal with the shame of the pain killer addiction?

[Lisa54]

I think one of the hardest addictions to face is the prescribed one.  You justify taking your meds everyday, even when you have to take a few more than what is prescribed.  You blame it on your pain!  If I didn't have this TMJ problem, I wouldn't have to take paid medicine.  Before you know it, you are no longer taking the meds for pain, but just to get out of the bed in the morning and function.  You start taking one when you need a little boost during the day or when you are stressed, or when you are happy.  The pills become a reward to you.  That is the addiction!!!!!  It was so hard for me to finally admit that to myself!

[Florida_Guy737]

Shame may be a motivator for some but like all negative enforcers, resentment is usually the end case...and who would you resent?  Yourself?  Accepting responsibility for your actions has no shame but I agree with most of the other posters; only share with non-judgmental & supportive people.  

Just because someone else doesn't understand addiction/dependency does not give him/her a right to judge you unless you personally affected him/her in the past because of your actions while using...but people are quick to judge and family can sting the worse.

You're not alone here; keep working/fighting for what you have earned.  Perseverance usually wins out over emotional reactions. (The Tortoise & the Hare).

Take Care

Guy

[worried878]

great question..dealing with the pain of addiction???for the most part it is our own suffering unless we have gone so far down that our family was hurt as well...nuttin i was ashamed of and shared with my mom...i noticed i am no longer the excuter of their will...my younger sister is..and i know why

every family is different///some r more open//some are more forgiving//the same with friends..i have realized my mother was not who  i shoulda shared with now almost 2 yrs later...she holds it against me///scorpio and never forgets..a grudger she is for sure...i think i needed accountability at the time..but i realize now i made a mistake..u have to re-think ur family and friends..some r oles judgemental than others....the ones who stand by ur side without a negative comment r the ones who will be there for u...now that i think back i shoulda kept within my meetings and counseling....u just have to feel witin who will not be "hurt" by ur problem as some take everything personally.."U used to hurt me" instead of being supportive...use ur own judgement....negative people do not help us at all/only add to our stress..be safe and keep us posted  

[MMarty]

Careful how easy it is to make it okay in your head. Addiction is addiction wether it's cigs, booze, crack or prescription. I told myself for a long time that it was okay because they had been prescribed and I wasn't using street drugs. There is no difference. I tell people in my life all of the time that I am an addict as a means of keeping myself in check. If it's common knowledge I have a problem it makes me feel safer if everyone is watching me. The usual reaction is one of disbelief and then followed with, "You don't look like a drug addict". Just what are we supposed to look like? lol. I have teeth, a business a beautiful child and a normal suburban life. There is no shame in making a mistake, we are human. Pick yourself off, dust off and try again. One man walked this Earth as perfect and not one of us has since. I promise we all fight demons....good luck, god bless and own your addiction if you have one. Marty

[Abby116]

The most I have ever taken in one day is a total of 8, usually 2 at a time. For the first year just 1-2 a day, then last year I went off of them for a few months and then had surgery and needed 2 at a time. This year after the last surgery 2 pills only lasted a couple hours and I felt myself getting dependant. I am very familiar with addiction because of my job, but as I became overwhelmed this past 6 months, I noticed that I needed ambien to sleep, vicodin for pain, and then I started taking otc energy boosters during the day just to keep up.  I weaned myself down on the vicodin and ambien and totally quit the energy boosters.  I did start taking prozac again.  It is so strange because 4 years ago I never took anything and I could keep up a high stress and high pace life, and now I am afraid I am going to become a lazy bum because I can't keep the pace at which I use to. I have noticed that my motivation has decreased and insomnia and fatigue and pain has increased as I have weaned myself off. Prior to this time, I was able to get off of any prescription and bounce back within a few days.

[gizzy32]

It may seem different, but drugs are drugs. Since I don't know your story it's hard to tell you that your in denial or an addict, can only go by what you type, but this is how it starts and it sounds like your in denial. Using for energy and to help with stress is what so many here have done, myself included and that is addiction. I hope you understand I am not sounding harsh, but addiction is so nasty and changes us, i would hate to see you lose what you worked for just as you say. Many here have started out with just a few a day and it turns to 15-20. You can do this and YES, it's scary as hell, but drugs cloud us of life. I am sorry you have had so much to deal with lately, but pills is not the answer. I have battled addiction for many years now and we just have to fight till we make it. Don't keep beating yourself up so much ok.

You have 2 left? How much will you be quitting from?

[Abby116]

I understand what you are saying. I guess I might be in some kind of denial but I am a hard worker and I have had high standards for myself, so while I used the vicodin after the pain was gone, I feel like it is different than sitting around getting high. I was working very hard and I have a stressful job and became divorced and the sole primary parent and I couldn't keep up with all my daily work and house hold chores. I don't want to give up on all my hard work and lose everything.

[avisg]

abby I am very sorry to hear they are doing this  to you .How much a day were you taking ?

[Abby116]

I am down to 2 pills a day and I have 2 left. I confided in a family member and they over reacted and told other people about it and tried to have me committed which would cause me to lose my job, house, and custody. Now I am very defensive and I feel alone.

[gizzy32]

A lot of us have been labeled, we understand. It hurts, but that's just more fire to get and stay clean. You said not taking them for the high, but to get more done. Hate to tell ya, but that is taking them for the high. You can quit and be happier, it just takes some work and a lil bit of time. Addiction IS PROGRESSIVE, it will only get worse. Keep posting, we are here to listen. Good luck

[GA Guy]

Shame comes from regrets of not living up to an ideal of who you wish you were. As the serenity prayer says..God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. You can't change what you did. Nor, can you live up to an ideal for things that have passed. Accept it and build a future you can be proud of.

[gizzy32]

I dealt with so much shame and guilt from abusing drugs while i was using and for awhile after. I never in a million years thought this could happen to me. Before addiction I looked down on those that battled this, but i was wrong, addiction can happen to ANYONE and it hit me hard and fast.

For me, it took time to get over that shame, I hated myself for what I had done and just beat myself up over and over and over. When I finally came to terms and accepted the blame and did my best to make ammends with those close to me I hurt, then I started to heal. I am still working on things, but don't beat myself up like I used to. Recovery is a process and we learn as we go.  We can't fix everything over night, but with time we do:) Hope this made sense? How long have you been clean?

[Abby116]

I just feel so bad about myself. I wasn't taking the vic to get "high", it was mostly to get so much more done during the day, now I am dragging and I only have 2 left and I am getting scared. I kept it under control as it was a prescription, but I cannot keep up this pace and I cannot forgive myself. When I told someone about my problem they treated me like I was a homeless crack addict. I am a professional in the community and I give advice to other people so I feel like hypocrit.

[avisg]

Thats a good question I guess I dont have any .I am human. I have great things about me and other things that are not but they are make me who I am and I like me .When I was using I might have had another answer for you. I have learnd so much about myself since I have gotten clean its a hurdle in my live that for now ,I have confronted and put it in it place.

[DEANMACHINE12]

Shame is wishing you weren't addicted, meaning wanting to stop. I've been addicted for about a year, using about 80-140mg a day of oycodone and oxycontin, I am currently on day 3 of no opiate, I have been taking little pieces of suboxone and it has been working wonders, if your ashamed and want to stop, you can, I can tell you because I can tell you, if you go 2 days, you won't want to go back, if you really want to stop, and go 2 whole days, you will hear birds chirp and commit to not go back bc you've made it that far. I promise you, try it, if your ashamed and really want to stop, try to find a suboxone, and take little amounts, and i promise you can do it, i was highly addicted, and just feel great only 3 days later. GOD BLESS, any other questions feel free.